Give me some dialogue from your day

[simon the viking]

Me (working in a motor factor/shop): your card doesn't want to work, Sir.....

Customer: Don't know why that is.... I don't think I damaged it when I did it....

Me: Did what?

Customer: When I cut the end off so it would fit in my wallet.......

Me: but they have to exactly the right length to the chip.....Have you used it since you trimmed it?

Customer: No i only did it earlier but I didn't know that... I'll get a new one off the bank and make sure I trim the other end on the new one.....

Me:

 

[welsh dragon]

Number 1 and number 3 grandson are here.

Number 1 " Hey gran, I'm awesome at this new game I've got on my phone."
Number 3. " No your not. Your only on the tutorial part. Your crap."
Me.

 

[Hover Fly]

Me, teaching Moon Bunny fly fishing: "You just have to be a bit patient."
Moon Bunny: "Patient? I haven't got time to be patient!"

 

[shouldbeinbed]

Some dialogue from my day: as I walked out of a private office into the communal bit, one of the ladies who's voice carries was saying..........

............ And there he was f**king a squid.

 

[Hill Wimp]

Girl in seat in front of me on the train just now.

Girl - Gaz i know you can ' t hear me because i'm going through a tunnel. I will ring you later but can you get the chicken out of the freezer to defrost and can you get the washing in as i need a clean top for the BBQ later and i think i forgot to tell you i booked the car MOT and don't forget to feed the cat.

What chance has poor Gaz got ?

 

[shouldbeinbed]

All sorts of odd mental images especially as her husband had been a submariner for nearly 20 years.

Turns out it was some weird Whatsapp pictures her son had been looking at and the conversation was why he was grounded and banned from the Internet.

 

[gbb]

Contractors are on site repairing a refuse compactor. They've been here most of the day and as I walked past their van the back door are open and all their tools are on view. Just inside the door is a LED work torch, the type that cost IRO £60, a good one.
Me to contractors..
'Meh, I HAD a torch just like that, I lost it last week. Searched everywhere, I can't find it...pees me off'
'You didn't leave it in the compactor then ?' came the reply with a knowing grin..as he handed it to me.
'Wahayyyyyy' ..'That's really bugged me, I remember why I had it there now, taking photos of the broken bit you're repairing now....that's made my day'


Wife is telling me about her day at work, she works with severely handicapped kids. Apparently she walked into one class to hear 12 year old 'johnny' shouting at the headmaster....
'DAVID..(headmasters name changed for obvious reasons) YOURE A B'STARD ...'A FOOKIN B'STARD'
This isn't unusual, the kids occasionally 'lose it' and emotions run high. It can diffuse quite quickly, occasionally they get a right strop on.
The wife said 10 minutes later, she went into the loos (they often have to, to help less able kids) , and he's sitting there, toilet door wide open, sat on the loo without a care in the world....
'Johnny, shut the door, we don't want to see all that' said the wife...
The door slammed.....
Then there was a thud...he's just kicked the door in temper...
'DEBBIE....YOURE A B'STARD '

She LOVES her job, wouldn't do anything else....despite coming home occasionally with clumps of hair missing, or bite marks on her arms .

 

[Moon bunny]

Me, teaching Moon Bunny fly fishing: "You just have to be a bit patient."
Moon Bunny: "Patient? I haven't got time to be patient!"

Tonight at tea-time,
Me: "Which trout do you want, the 1lb 5oz one you caught, or the 4lb 9oz one I caught?"

 

[stephec]

Tonight at tea-time,
Me: "Which trout do you want, the 1lb 5oz one you caught, or the 4lb 9oz one I caught?"

That sounds like a dish best served cold.

 

[doughnut]

On a new route today:
Her: "Hey, what you doing in my front garden?"
Me: "My GPS told me to come this way. Can I go round that corner?"
Her: "Only if your GPS told you to go into my back garden. Does your GPS ever tell you to turn round and go somewhere else?"

 

[jhawk]

On Skype with the grandparents, who've got a new load of technology - a new Tablet and phone!

GPs: "We tried to take a selfie the other day, didn't really work!"

Me: " Now there's a word I never thought I'd hear either of you say!"

 

[jhawk]

I can imagine the conversation went something like this:

"How do you do this then, Ewart?"

"I've no idea m'love!..."

 

[perplexed]

From the other day...

Mrs. P - 'What's Wiggins doing on the telly?'

Me - 'He's attempting to break the World Hour Record...'

Mrs. P. (looks at watch) 'How long will he take?'

 

[ColinJ]

From the other day...

Mrs. P - 'What's Wiggins doing on the telly?'

Me - 'He's attempting to break the World Hour Record...'

Mrs. P. (looks at watch) 'How long will he take?'

You: 'About 54,526 metres worth of time.'

 

[palinurus]

Today I was looking down a microscope; a couple of colleagues were looking on.

I said 'I've never seen anything like it'

'it's impossible'

'how did it grow that much after a few minutes at 100 volts?'

I realised I sounded like a scientist in a bad movie.

(for the curious I was looking at what was thought to be a dendrite on a circuit board, it turned out to be an artefact of the copper etching process)