Funeral Costs! Interesting and,scary.

[Drago]

I plan to go in the most heroic manner possible, fighting a terrorist trained tiger in a leaking nuclear reactor, and as I stagger in my death throes my body will flop to the ground straddling at least 2 police force areas. I want to cause as much inconvenience and paperwork for as many public authorities as possible.

As for the real world, so sorry to hear you're having to think of things like this Dave. Just remember that however stressful or upsetting it may be the old farts and incontinent Y front wearers are thinking of you.

 

[BrumJim]

Surely it's what the the person wants. not what anyone else wants.

Not convinced that it is for those left behind instead. You never get to see your own funeral, so doesn't really matter what happens, just as long as you are sent away in a manner that those closest to you want. Hopefully this is indicative of your personality, otherwise it is a bit narcissistic.

 

[Fastpedaller]

You never get to see your own funeral

I suspect you are correct - but we cannot know for sure ....

 

[wiggydiggy]

Not convinced that it is for those left behind instead. You never get to see your own funeral, so doesn't really matter what happens, just as long as you are sent away in a manner that those closest to you want. Hopefully this is indicative of your personality, otherwise it is a bit narcissistic.

Can be done for none narcissistic reasons, the deceased may not want their estate being spent on that when they had other designs on their legacy.

 

[Electric_Andy]

My Gran had a service and cremation, then we all went to a nearby pub for free bar and buffet (courtesy of my Dad). It was a lovely service, too religious for my liking but all 4 of us grandkids stood up and shared some memories. That's the way I want it for me. I have no idea how much it cost though

 

[Dave7]

I suspect you are correct - but we cannot know for sure ....

Interesting but a whole other subject.
We have some very religious god fearing family.
I am in the "I just don't know" camp.
I was surprised to find there are some spiritualist people.

 

[numbnuts]

Surely it's what the the person wants. not what anyone else wants.

Bravo

 

[FishFright]

Like David Bowie, I am opting for a "Direct cremation". No service, no funeral, no family and friends. I am happy to be put in a cardboard box and cremated.

My ashes will be returned to my friends and family and scattered on my favourite beach in the summer. Everyone will have to wear shorts and hawaaian shirt. All those who attend will be treated to chicken and chips at my favourite beach side grill. Its a stones throw from where my ashes will be scattered.

It will be far more memorable than a funeral and it is how I would like to be remembered.

My friend we lost to cancer last year did the same.

 

[BrumJim]

Can be done for none narcissistic reasons, the deceased may not want their estate being spent on that when they had other designs on their legacy.

That's fine. Just thinking of a loud, brash widow / widower going for a very showy funeral when the partner was a quiet and modest person who would have hated that sort of thing. Yes, it is about those left behind, but the showy funeral is more about the personality of the living one, rather than the life of the one being commemorated.

 

[wiggydiggy]

That's fine. Just thinking of a loud, brash widow / widower going for a very showy funeral when the partner was a quiet and modest person who would have hated that sort of thing. Yes, it is about those left behind, but the showy funeral is more about the personality of the living one, rather than the life of the one being commemorated.

Theres all sorts of scenarios where the deceased wishes may not match those of who are are left, it's not a nice time for anyone left behind.

 

[Chislenko]

My mother passed last year and the rest of the family walked away and left me to sort everything (thanks siblings) so have a bit of recent knowledge.

First thing the undertaker I chose was excellent and took an awful lot of weight off my shoulders as did the lady who did the service.

For everything connected with the service (at the crematorium) and all the undertakers fees came to 4K.

My mother's wishes were for her ashes to be intered in my dad's grave. The cost of redoing the headstone and getting the council to open / close the grave came to circa 1.5K, so a total bill of 5.5K.

I did not bother with a spread after as our family is spread all over the country and none of us live anywhere near where my mother lived her last few years. So people just came to the service then went home.

With regard to paying the 5.5K all invoices were sent to the solicitor handling probate and he paid them from my mother's funds.

Just one note with regard to ashes scattering I feel sure our undertaker said this is now illegal (COVID related perhaps) . Obviously there was such a lot going on and I can't recall word for word what she said so I may be wrong on that.

 

[numbnuts]

My mother passed last year and the rest of the family walked away and left me to sort everything (thanks siblings) so have a bit of recent knowledge.

First thing the undertaker I chose was excellent and took an awful lot of weight off my shoulders as did the lady who did the service.

For everything connected with the service (at the crematorium) and all the undertakers fees came to 4K.

My mother's wishes were for her ashes to be intered in my dad's grave. The cost of redoing the headstone and getting the council to open / close the grave came to circa 1.5K, so a total bill of 5.5K.

I did not bother with a spread after as our family is spread all over the country and none of us live anywhere near where my mother lived her last few years. So people just came to the service then went home.

With regard to paying the 5.5K all invoices were sent to the solicitor handling probate and he paid them from my mother's funds.

Just one note with regard to ashes scattering I feel sure our undertaker said this is now illegal (COVID related perhaps) . Obviously there was such a lot going on and I can't recall word for word what she said so I may be wrong on that.

https://www.dignityfunerals.co.uk/advice/scattering-ashes-laws-and-regulations/

 

[fossyant]

MIL's funeral was a bit of a long one - mainly her wishes. Full mass, cremation then a get together in a local hotel. We listened to a chap a few weeks earlier in a pub in Manchester (The Oast house) and he was great, so my wife asked if he'd do a 'wake' - he was great, and absolutely made the afternoon as it was full of celebration rather than mourning. The hotel/entertainer wasn't anything like as expensive as the funeral costs.

The whole thing isn't cheap- we took out a policy with The Co-Op a couple of years before MIL died (needed to 'loose' some cash) - cost £3.5k, then there were 'supplements'.

 

[wiggydiggy]

My mother passed last year and the rest of the family walked away and left me to sort everything (thanks siblings) so have a bit of recent knowledge.

First thing the undertaker I chose was excellent and took an awful lot of weight off my shoulders as did the lady who did the service.

For everything connected with the service (at the crematorium) and all the undertakers fees came to 4K.

My mother's wishes were for her ashes to be intered in my dad's grave. The cost of redoing the headstone and getting the council to open / close the grave came to circa 1.5K, so a total bill of 5.5K.

I did not bother with a spread after as our family is spread all over the country and none of us live anywhere near where my mother lived her last few years. So people just came to the service then went home.

With regard to paying the 5.5K all invoices were sent to the solicitor handling probate and he paid them from my mother's funds.

Just one note with regard to ashes scattering I feel sure our undertaker said this is now illegal (COVID related perhaps) . Obviously there was such a lot going on and I can't recall word for word what she said so I may be wrong on that.

We actually never considered that, although just checking back the direct cremation service we used required payment within 48hrs. I don't know if another provided would be willing to wait or if the solicitor would have handled that by paying upfront and claining back later.

 

[Fab Foodie]

I'd like my flesh to be made into Salami and my bones fed to the dogs...I may be unrealistic in my expectations....

Honestly? I'd be happy to leave what's left of my physical self donated for science/research/medical training purposes....and if nobody wants me, burn me and chuck me in the sea at my favourite beach. Keep it as cheap simple as possible - spend a bit on beer for the mourner (assuming one turns up).

Dave - I think it's one of those situations where you can't please everybody. I would think firstly what your wife would like the event to say/reflect about her and her values and your time together. I always think Funerals are not about mourning a loss, but celebrating a life.