Everything You Need To Know About Bike Lubricants (But Were Afraid To Ask!)

[Dogtrousers]

Hmmm. An interesting alternative type of grease

BLACK SLUGS (Arion ater) AS GREASE: A CASE STUDY OF TECHNICAL USE OF GASTROPODS IN PRE-INDUSTRIAL SWEDEN
Journal of Ethnobiology 26(2):299-309. 2006
Black slug (Arion ater L.) is a common gastropod in forested areas of Sweden. In pre-industrial Swedish society and up to the beginning of the 20th century, slugs were used as a regular or temporary source for grease to lubricate wooden axle-trees. Although the custom is mentioned in written records from the 18th century, it is an otherwise almost undocumented practice. However, through an advertisement in a popular nationwide radio program, it was possible to record contemporary oral statements about this practice from a few decades ago. It seems to have been a widespread practice to substitute or improve the tar as cart grease with slugs in the older days. These animals, a freely available resource for everyone, were often gathered by children. The practice survived as long as the wooden carts and wagons were used, for example, in transporting hay. The study demonstrates that it is still possible to gather information about older practices in highly modernized societies, utilizing mass media as a way to reach informants.​

 

[Dogtrousers]

I have at least 8 bikes that all run perfectly well with Vaseline in wheel BB and headset bearings

Putting on my newly qualified tribologist hat (I've just read a wikipedia article on it, so I'm an authority) technically Vaseline is not a classical grease because it does not display "shear-thinning", as any fule kno:

Grease is a semisolidlubricant. Grease generally consists of a soapemulsified with mineral or vegetable oil.[1] The characteristic feature of greases is that they possess a high initial viscosity, which upon the application of shear, drops to give the effect of an oil-lubricated bearing of approximately the same viscosity as the base oil used in the grease. This change in viscosity is called shear thinning. Grease is sometimes used to describe lubricating materials that are simply soft solids or high viscosity liquids, but these materials do not exhibit the shear-thinning properties characteristic of the classical grease. For example, petroleum jellies such as Vaseline are not generally classified as greases.

So there, neh!

 

[Fab Foodie]

Putting on my newly qualified tribologist hat (I've just read a wikipedia article on it, so I'm an authority) technically Vaseline is not a classical grease because it does not display "shear-thinning", as any fule kno:

Grease is a semisolidlubricant. Grease generally consists of a soapemulsified with mineral or vegetable oil.[1] The characteristic feature of greases is that they possess a high initial viscosity, which upon the application of shear, drops to give the effect of an oil-lubricated bearing of approximately the same viscosity as the base oil used in the grease. This change in viscosity is called shear thinning. Grease is sometimes used to describe lubricating materials that are simply soft solids or high viscosity liquids, but these materials do not exhibit the shear-thinning properties characteristic of the classical grease. For example, petroleum jellies such as Vaseline are not generally classified as greases.

So there, neh!

Well that's told me .... But it still works!

 

[Yellow Saddle]

Hmmm. An interesting alternative type of grease

BLACK SLUGS (Arion ater) AS GREASE: A CASE STUDY OF TECHNICAL USE OF GASTROPODS IN PRE-INDUSTRIAL SWEDEN
Journal of Ethnobiology 26(2):299-309. 2006
Black slug (Arion ater L.) is a common gastropod in forested areas of Sweden. In pre-industrial Swedish society and up to the beginning of the 20th century, slugs were used as a regular or temporary source for grease to lubricate wooden axle-trees. Although the custom is mentioned in written records from the 18th century, it is an otherwise almost undocumented practice. However, through an advertisement in a popular nationwide radio program, it was possible to record contemporary oral statements about this practice from a few decades ago. It seems to have been a widespread practice to substitute or improve the tar as cart grease with slugs in the older days. These animals, a freely available resource for everyone, were often gathered by children. The practice survived as long as the wooden carts and wagons were used, for example, in transporting hay. The study demonstrates that it is still possible to gather information about older practices in highly modernized societies, utilizing mass media as a way to reach informants.​

Just don't forget to dip the slugs in a bit of sand before using them as carbon assembly paste. And if your seatpost is very long and you are worried about coating the deep insides of the seat tube with slug, just drop a bit of lettuce down the tube and set the slugs free. Assemble as normal after 30 minutes.