Cliched Story Thread

[got-to-get-fit]

the ferret raced for the door but was quickly beaten by the one legged limpett. The day was saved. People began to line the streets and sing songs of freedom, they shot rifles in the air and drank pink gin.
The rabbit, fresh from his masters pocket ordered a round of french toast and taking one look at his bone dry friend said "is it raining out?"
No replied the man its friday.
This however was Wednesday and all was not as it seemed, a painting of an owl hung behind the bar and the barman began to explain its significance.....

 

[Elmer Fudd]

"What's that for?" asked Spam Sade
"it's a long and distant memory" said the the ferret as he poked his head round the door and buggered off again.
"Whats the meaning of the painting Joe "(for that was the barmans name, well, actually it was Jack but if the customers are buying you a drink, who gives a f**k?). "don't you remember Spam ?" said Joe/Jack. "No I don't", and wandered off to the buffet bar, "Owl Meat please" he asked, "Owl meat again sir?" asked the waiter. "we're out of stock at the moment, should have some in soon, don't know where, don't know when, but I know we'll have owl meat one sunny day.
With that Spam, in disgust left the buffet bar, lighting his rabbit as he headed towards the door and the dry rain and..

 

[got-to-get-fit]

......Not for the first time today, it didnt start to rain.

Stop earthling, Sam turned to see Tony Blair, Bill Clinton and Yassa Arrafat holding hands and dressed in Tu-Tu's

Take us to your leader.....Sam thought for a while and looked quizically at the burning embers of his rabbit....damn ive gotta stop smoking these things he mused.

A tune played in the background as he began the long walk to finland, it was one he couldnt place, one he thought he would never hear again, it was as if the world had turned and everyone but Sam had turned with it. A slow smile burned across his face, Atmosphere! Russ abbot, it brought back more than one memory. Tony, Bill and Yassa hummed along but found they got lost in the cord changes. They liked Sams company though so the four of them rented a Fiat Berlingo and scorched off into the fading sun..........soon they would be there, soon they would know the truth...........soon......


(wife getting better day by day, drinking and eating through a straw though -v painfull, thanks for asking Fudd)

 

[postman]

The truth,the whole truth and nothing but the truth.It had started over two thousand years ago.When they nailed that young man to a cross.Peter,Peter he had cried out,you can see our house from up here.Jesus had a sense of humour.He died and the world was never the same.

 

[Twenty Inch]

It was a dark and stormy night.....

 

[Elmer Fudd]

Jesus Christ thought Spam, not a no more rain day...

 

[trustysteed]

no, it was a no-brainer day instead...

 

[Melvil]

...and he thought 'Well, there's one born every minute' as he mounted his unfeasibly large...

 

[mosschops2]

penny farthing, and proceeded to make his way through the now empty streets. "Where have all the people gone?" he thought to himself.

 

[Elmer Fudd]

Then he realised Lidl were doing a deal on cycling stuff, unfortunately as he road up to the door he realised a penny farthing was a lot taller then modern day concepts percieved and cracked his head on the rain canopy, fell off and dazed himself, as Spam came round, his eyes bulged as he saw.......

 

[Melvil]

....a vision....of the lord! He fell to his knees (again). The lord spoke (should that be spake(?))

'Spam...you must undertake a mission of the utmost importance to mankind. This mission is...'

 

[Elmer Fudd]

To rid the world of evil, so kill Bush the B*st*rd then head on over to England and find anti-establishmentarism fella who goes under the name of bonj, james bonj, your weapon of choice is this sock I've worn for the last three weeks, poke it in his ....

 

[walker]

Ears, the pressure will build up and make him explode. be vary careful to stand well back and cover your tracks, the FBI are already on the look out for you after your last mission to assasinate Britney Spears.

So off spam went, armed with a semi Damp Sock.....

 

[Pete]

...hot-foot to Heathrow, where he caught the first available flight out, landing bang on schedule in Washington, made his way to the White House, where, sure enough, out on the lawn, Dubya was right on cue... But at that precise moment, Spam's grey cells deserted him and he thought to himself, there's Dubya, there's his lugholes, now what the hell was I supposed to be doing here....? Everyone shouted....

 

[Melvil]

Duck! As an semi-aquatic bird flew over his head...In the confusion he dropped the sock and immediately it was lost in the crowd. 'Damn you, piece of warm footwear and potential assassination weapon,' he swore.

Suddenly he noticed four men in suits, wearing big sunglasses and speaking into earpieces. They pointed at him and started to walk in his direction...