Are we too soft with our children/grandchildren?

[swee'pea99]

Reminds me of a Julie Burchill from years ago: "All the mums round here ask their kids what they want for tea. When I was a kid, it was: 'Here's your tea'."

Yes, we over-indulge them. It's cos our parents were so horrible to us when we were kids. Don't worry, it all goes full circle: our kids will be monsters to theirs. Oooommmmm.

 

[Fnaar]

The only time we make 'different' meals (3 kids) is if we're having a meat dish. Two daughters are veggie (and take it seriously,,, about 7 years now for one, 5 for the other). Then we'll cook a veggie alternative. Most of the time we eat veggie food anyway, so it normally isn't a prob.

 

[Lance Jack]

My wife and I are older parents, my wife was 43 and I was 38 when our daughter was born and she is seven now. My parents where born in 1933/34 so I was brought up with older type values.
I was taught if you don't want to eat it, don't eat it, but you are not getting anything else. My dad, at 80, has an alloment so we have real fresh fruit and veg left at our house. It tastes how I remember it from home cooking by my mum in the 70's. I think I turned out ok (sort of) so I bring my daughter up with the same values.
This is the problem I have. We go shopping in the local supermarket and I see children, and some adults, walking round eating and drinking from the trolley. When my daughter was younger she wanted to do this and I explained it is not ours until we have paid for it. Once we have paid and we have left the shop then she can have the item. The next thing was she wanted to take her scooter to the local shopping centre. Answer was no, it is not a playground. We get there and there is a child on a scooter whizzing round the shops getting in everybodys way. I have been to places where food is hard to come by and the water is not drinkable, you can't even use it for shaving it's so filthy. Perhaps if it was like this here people wouldn't want to waste what they take for granted.

 

[ufkacbln]

It is the sacred duty of grandparents to undermine the parents and be a soft touch!

 

[Cheddar George]

Our kids eat what we eat. How else would they try new or different foods ?

 

[pplpilot]

If ours are good they get a Happy meal, if they've been playing up its Dino shapes and beans and if they have been really naughty its Billy bear 'meat' sandwiches and no Xbox and bed early at 10:30...

 

[ColinJ]

Some aspects of 'old-fashioned parenthood' definitely deserved to go, but I also think that there are an awful lot of over-indulged children about now!

I get very frustrated when I see people struggling to do the bleedin' obvious with their children.

My first encounter with one indulged boy was when he kicked me very hard on the shin! I looked down and saw him standing there with a stupid smirk on his face, and he went to do it again so I grabbed him by his shoulder, held him away from me and told him that it was very bad to kick people, and it hurt!

If he did it again, then I would kick him back so he could see for himself. It was obvious that he got the message.

He looked as if he might do it again, but thought better of it and wandered off.

I went over to his dad and explained what had happened and he told me that his son couldn't help it because he had 'behavioural problems' . Too bloody right - he had parents who never taught him the difference between right and wrong!

Next minute, there was a cry from the other side of the room as the child attacked another adult, and he then went on to kick a couple of children, with his behaviour each time excused by his parents!

 

[summerdays]

I don't make separate meals for any of the family and we all eat at the table together, even now when they are teens or when they have their friends over they join us at the table. I do take into account some of their hates so tonight saw me sifting through the cous cous for mushrooms and olives which my youngest hates, but I still put them in for the rest of us. I also expect them to wait until everyone is finished unless one of them is taking a very long time on purpose or because they are trying to avoid something. Even if we have take away (not that often), we still eat around the table. We have now reached the point that one or more may be out at meal time and they need to say in advance if they want some saving for later.

I would never ask them what they want for tea, though I might give them a choice of two options (probably the same ingredients but different ways of preparing it - but everyone would eat it that way, not separate ways for each person).

 

[dellzeqq]

well, The Kid was indulged to the max and always went her own way with food, and despite the direst predictions has turned in to the sweetest, kindest, hardest working twentyone year old one could wish to know. So my theory is that it's not about the meals but about the results.

 

[summerdays]

Are we too soft with our children/grandchildren?

No ....Yes...who knows....
we bring our children up how we see fit and with varying results, my friend is very much like Summerdays when it comes to meal times, they also have rules, rules and more rules but have no end of problems with their behaviour outside of the home away from all the rules...

I don't see it so much as rules as this is normal behaviour to sit down at the table together every evening, and chat with each other about our day. I guess they are rules as there are a few definite ones such as: no singing at the table (when they were little that used to cause problems), no toys at the table (ok that one isn't a problem now but my nephews always brought toys to the table and then messed around and argued over them rather than eating), no phones at the table (grown up toys!!! ) are the first three that spring to mind. And so because it is normal behaviour they do the same in other people's houses (at least when I'm there anyway).

 

[Noodley]

Screw that! I use the table to rest my tired feet on after a long cycle, and never eat at the table - rather, I recline in my sofa and expect Mrs N to bring me freshly caught and cooked quail as I demand it. As for the children, I have no idea what they do/eat/look like tbh

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

As for the children, I have no idea what they do/eat/look like tbh

'YOU BOY!! What are you doing here??'

'I live here'

'I've never laid eyes on you in my life!!'

 

[swansonj]

If ours are good they get a Happy meal, if they've been playing up its Dino shapes and beans and if they have been really naughty its Billy bear 'meat' sandwiches and no Xbox and bed early at 10:30...

I'm struggling to understand the concept of 10:30 being an early bedtime for a child .... Unless that's 1030 am?

 

[pplpilot]

I'm struggling to understand the concept of 10:30 being an early bedtime for a child .... Unless that's 1030 am?

I was actually being sarcastic.

 

[swansonj]

I was actually being sarcastic.

Ah. Red face time. But the trouble is, we know people who I can imagine saying exactly that and being quite serious about it....