Any good jokes ... ?

[EltonFrog]

Explaining to a child that we are all mortal and living with the notion that death is an inevitable part of life is, for me, the most difficult part of being a children’s entertainer.

 

[Angus McCoatup]

I like Mowtown, but can only name 3 Mowtown acts...…..four, tops.

 

[Dayvo]

Top tip!

Save business cards of people you don't like. If you ever accidently hit a parked car, just write 'sorry' on the back and leave it on the windscreen.

 

[Profpointy]

Top tip!

Save business cards of people you don't like. If you ever accidently hit a parked car, just write 'sorry' on the back and leave it on the windscreen.

That's right up there with putting "how's my driving?" and a premium rate phone number on your works van. Drive round really badly cutting people up and giving them abuse and you'll make a fortune

 

[Kempstonian]

Top tip!

Save business cards of people you don't like. If you ever accidently hit a parked car, just write 'sorry' on the back and leave it on the windscreen.

That one did actually make me laugh out loud!

 

[EltonFrog]

That one did actually make me laugh out loud!

Me too. In Greggs.

 

[colly]

 

[Dave7]

The teacher decided to test little Johnny on his numbers.
Johnny, what comes after 3?
He replies 4 miss.
Very good. What comes after 7?
8 miss.
Very good. Who taught you?
My dad miss.
Thats excellent......what comes after 10?
Jack miss.

 

[glasgowcyclist]

I come from a long line of conga dancers.

 

[Dave7]

The cruise ship is sailing past a desert island and the passengers see a guy with a long beard. He is running up and down the beach, frantically waving his arms.
One passenger shouts to the captain "have you seen that man"?
The captain says "yes. I have no idea who he is but he does that every year when we sail past".

 

[Cavalol]

What's the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bath?

One has hope in her soul...

 

[glasgowcyclist]

What’s the difference between a seagull and a baby?

One flits across the shore...

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[Chris S]

View attachment 503840

There's a double joke there. That was the 'new' bottle that was scrapped after complaints.

 

[Sharky]

Keep it clean - no saucey comments.