Any good jokes ... ?

[DaveReading]

I once went on a date with a girl called Simile. It was a waste of time, I don't know what I met her for

Well don't keep us in suspense for the punchline ...

 

[rich p]

I once went on a date with a girl called Simile. It was a waste of time, I don't know what I met her for

Ouch!

 

[Globalti]

MIchael O'Leary the boss or Ryanair walks into a bar.

"I'll have a pint of Guinness please barman!"

"That'll be twenty cents please Michael."

"Sure that's awful cheap for a pint of Ireland's finest!"

"You'll be wanting a glass with it.....?"

 

[postman]

I went in to Thornton's today.Can i help you Sir.Yes i would like some chocolates for my wife.Bring her in,and i will see what i can do.

 

[Accy cyclist]

I've just heard this one on the radio. A boy opens his presents on Christmas Day. He's given a fort but is disappointed to find there aren't any soldiers with it. His dad says to him, never mind son,it's the fort that counts

 

[siadwell]

One from the 70s...

The son of a millionaire begs his dad for a cowboy outfit for Christmas.
So his dad buys him British Leyland.

 

[postman]

MP's think they deserve ANOTHER pay rise.

 

[Smokin Joe]

I really startled the postman today when I came to the door totally naked. I'm not sure what shocked him more, seeing me with no clothes on or the fact that I knew where he lived.

 

[colly]

Reminds me of another double entendre.

Not a joke, but a quote from Michael Buerk, watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage:

'They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come
in his shorts.'

An un-intended double entendre I heard on the radio one afternoon. The broadcast was coming from Wimbledon and the speaker handed over to a female presenter situated in a court side commentary enclosure.
She said to an ex tennis player who had just joined her:

''Welcome (tennis player) I can't imagine why you would want to spend all afternoon in my sweaty box''

 

[bonsaibilly]

An un-intended double entendre I heard on the radio one afternoon. The broadcast was coming from Wimbledon and the speaker handed over to a female presenter situated in a court side commentary enclosure.
She said to an ex tennis player who had just joined her:

''Welcome (tennis player) I can't imagine why you would want to spend all afternoon in my sweaty box''

Whuh, and you really think that was unintentional?

 

[bonsaibilly]

What colour eyes did Christa McAuliffe have?

 

[colly]

Whuh, and you really think that was unintentional?

It was live and it sounded so to me.

Who knows? Maybe it's all sham. Maybe all live broadcast is well rehearsed down to the last fart on air.

 

[LarryDuff]

I went to an invisible fairground last week, but I didn't think it was very good. I couldn't see the attraction.

 

[bonsaibilly]

It was live and it sounded so to me.

Who knows? Maybe it's all sham. Maybe all live broadcast is well rehearsed down to the last fart on air.

Doh, it doesn't have to be rehearsed to be intentional.

 

[NorthernDave]

Bought a new computer, wierdly when you turn it on it says "hello".

Then I realised its.............A Dell.........