Any good jokes ... ?

[Richard A Thackeray]

When I was a kid, my GP also had one, there must be a breeding facility somewhere

We also had another one, at the old Hospital A&E, before the rebuild
She was approached even by staff (& the Consultants!) with flame retardant gloves & apron, & niicknamed 'Medusa'

On the plus side, some of the regulars saw who was booking in on reception & turned around walking straight back out of the door
We saw it as Patient Selective Triage

 

[betty swollocks]

There had been a spate of boat thefts down in Portsmouth… Three in a week then a lull. None had yet been recovered nor the thief caught…
Then, one night a few weeks later, a solitary shadowy figure ghosted across the deck of a 40ft cruiser… Suddenly he tripped, crashing down, his throat crushed after hitting a thick hawser left strewn on the deck… unable to properly breath he thrashed about … The noise was heard by the cruiser's owner who, within seconds was on the deck. Luckily for the would-be thief, the owner was a doctor who immediately saw what he had to do… He explained to the thief that he was going to cut a hole in his throat and insert a straw so that he could breath… The thief shook his head vehemently. Unable to speak, he used his hands to ask for a pen and paper… Quickly the doctor gave him a pen and pad… The thief scrawled …please don’t do that!
They might Track a Yacht to me!

 

[tyred]

 

[raleighnut]

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I tend to regard them as 'Orphans' and give them a good home.

 

[tyred]

I tend to regard them as 'Orphans' and give them a good home.

It amazes me how often you find them lying at the roadside miles from the nearest pub.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

It amazes me how often you find them lying at the roadside miles from the nearest pub.

Same with glasses

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Cavalol]

Any good jokes?

Not for many pages

To save us time trawling through your numerous contributions to this thread, can you please re-post some of your comedy gold moments?

 

[Cavalol]

 

[Dayvo]

View attachment 599119

Hmmm, he must have been on the road to nowhere!

 

[MichaelW2]

View attachment 598832
😁

Why can't we see the reflection of the camera crew in the helmet visor. It is all a fake. There was no film set in Area 51. How have NASA managed to cover this up for 50 years . More importantly, why have they been telling us that the moon landings were real when in fact they were. I expect my goverment to lie to me and feel something is very wrong when they have been telling us the truth all along. Who benefits?

 

[PeteXXX]

I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants.

You've probably never heard of herbivore....

 

[Venod]

 

[CharlesF]

To save us time trawling through your numerous contributions to this thread, can you please re-post some of your comedy gold moments?

Hej! @Cavalol. Here’s my last brilliant joke, I was sure you’d remember it!

Woman 1 “Where’s your husband?”

Woman 2 “He’s in the garden.”

Woman 1 “Oh, I didn’t see him.”

Woman 2 ”You’ll have to dig a bit”

 

[srj10]

It's a five minute walk from my house to the pub, and it’s a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house. The difference is staggering.