2009 Joke Thread?

[Gerry Attrick]

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken Surprise.'

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband. He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, and explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

Please sir,' says the waiter, 'what you order?

'The husband replies, 'Chicken Surprise.'


You're going to love this..................




You're going to hate yourself for loving this!!.............




Ah! So sorry,' says the waiter, I bring you Peeking Duck!

 

[john59]

A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, ''Well, you see that 3-pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.''


The son then asks his father, ''What's the 6-pack for?''
The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.''





Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for.

The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March, one for.....''

 

[BigonaBianchi]

... and the solo pack?

 

[Dayvo]

Is there a handy pack?

 

[Rhythm Thief]

Is there a handy pack?

Commonly known as a "rubber glove".

 

[Blue]

No, it's a tissue box!!

 

[Dave5N]

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and still heavily sedated from a four hour operation.

A young nurse comes in to sponge his hands and feet. Nurse", he mumbles groggily from behind the oxygen mask, "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet."

He struggles again to ask, "Please tell me, are my testicles black?" Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his privates and jiggles them around a bit, takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask and says very slowly, "That was very nice but listen very, very closely-

......................


....................


.........................


............................


are... my... test...results...back?

 

[yenrod]

 

[Gerry Attrick]

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter.
He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be.
The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;"
And * poof* she's gone.
The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" And *poof* she's gone.
The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asked.
"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell." The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.
St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says,
"No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."





If you laugh, you are going straight to hell!