Any good jokes ... ?

[Dave7]

A guy walks into a pub along with his pet monkey.
The monkey proceeds to walk around eating anything it sees. Then it jumps on the pool table and swallows the cue ball.
The manager shouts "look, its just ate the cue ball". The guy apologises and pays for what the monkey has eaten.
Next week they return. This time the monkey snatches a maltezer, shoves it up his bum and then eats it. Then he does the same with some peanuts, up his bum then eats them.
The manger shouts "look what it is doing"!!!!
The guy says "yea, since it had to sh*t that cue ball he measures everything now".

 

[tyred]

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[tyred]

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[JtB]

View attachment 727662

and those never end “… and they lived happily ever after”.

 

[tyred]

When I see someone cycling faster than me, I assume they're not going as far.

 

[Cavalol]

When I see someone cycling faster than me, I assume they're not going as far.

I got tailgated by a postman once. Was on the back of a 35 mile ride and absolutely knackered (excuses, excuses) and he was right on my tail for the last mile or so.
Like a stupid old fool, I kept pedalling faster, determined to prove a point. Every time I looked round, he was right behind me grinning like a Cheshire Cat

 

[PapaZita]

I got tailgated by a postman once.

The neighbour’s 10 year old kid challenged me to a race as I rode home once. I got completely thrashed. I’d done 280 miles and slept in a bus shelter. He’d been half a mile to the park. 😁

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[Cavalol]

 

[Cavalol]

I saw Cristiano Ronaldo in town today.
I said, "Can you sign my shirt?"
He said, "Have you got a pen?"
I said, "shoot, no. Hang on".
With that I threw myself on the floor, rolled over theatrically and began to cry.
He said, "How's that going to get a pen?"
I said, "Well that's how you do it!"

 

[srj10]

 

[Toshiba Boy]

Who needs scaffolding?

 

[Slick]

View attachment 727776

Who needs scaffolding?

To be fair, it was quite well worked out.