14 April. Go East, where the air is clear
I am suffering from cognitive dissonance. I am trying to hold two opposing ideas in my head at the same time. It is a recipe for madness, if madness needs a recipe and doesn't just drop in uninvited when it is least expected.
As I cycle through a springtime Cornwall there is a green exuberance, a bursting out of the bonds of winter. Hawthorn hedges are full of the white froth of blossom, the granite banks are covered in wild garlic, the shady places have native bluebells shyly exposing themselves, purple vinca and yellow celandines vie for attention. There is a cold easterly wind today finding the spaces between my layers but the sky is blue from green horizon to distant sea. And yet despite all the spring beauty, the birds feeding eagerly, watching as I pass with their usual indifference, the new calves in the fields, the new lambs, new life, the natural world continuing as it has for thousands of years, yet despite this 'normality'; we are living in a plague that may kill us, will leave our economy shattered, jobs gone not to return for a decade perhaps. How can life be so savage and so benign at the same time?
I find it hard to remember the plague on my bike, automatically crossing to the other side of the lane when I meet a walker without consciously thinking about the cloud of virus that hangs around them. Life just seems so normal in these quiet lanes. But it isn't. The quietness, the lack of traffic, the ability to cycle along lengths of A road without (much) concern....this isn't normal.
Looking across to the St Austell 'Alps' - the china clay workings still stain the land.
I leave the house, cold and unsure of the challenge I have set myself. One I don't dare share with with Madame Crow, one I should not share with you in case of your opprobrium and disregard. I feel a need to stretch my wheels, to spin a bit further than Mr Gove's daily allowance. I don't want to endanger the NHS although our friend who works in the only critical care facility in Cornwall told us (electronically) last night that there is still capacity in the hospital, things haven't got bad yet. That is not an excuse for my selfishness, my need for the bike, my ego scratching wish to go further. The need to spin until the sinews have gone, the breath has scratched the lungs dry, leaving me an empty husk and ready to come home and face the reality of lock down, the imprisonment of social distancing. I will decide when I get far enough away if I want, have to go further.
The first miles are familiar and pass quickly in a blur of recognition, breathless as always on the hills. Up Truck Hill, it's gradient less now than six months ago when I first started riding a road bike on these lanes, the gradient easing every time: I must be wearing it down.Through Probus, no one stirring, streets empty except for parked car and then along the broken back lane past three farms: the farmers must be suicidal right now, no market for milk, nowhere to sell this years calves. The high lane after Grampound Road gives view both sides of the road, just a low hedge, newly ploughed fields dropping away into shaded valleys on either sides, a tractor pulling a muck spreader and in the distance the white topped hills we call the St Austell Alps, china clay stained like spring snow in the Alps. Then into Trenowth Woods, a relief from the questing east wind that has been holding me up. The trees are old beeches and their peace calms my mind, allows me to bathe in the green filtered light. A fast downhill - glad not to be going the other way, a mile of 6-8%. Then the shaded village of Coombe, deep in its own valley overhung with the granite viaducts of Brunel's railway soaring a hundred feet higher.
From here it is uphill to a dizzy 700 feet above sea level, as high as we get in this part of Cornwall. I am into secret Cornwall now, weaving between clay pits and abandoned workings, houses scattered along the road randomly and then occasionally agglomerating into a a deserted hamlet of granite walled, white washed cottages. It a long uphill but never more than 5% and it is going easily, allowing me to get into a rhythm, legs spinning, mind wandering, bike pushing the wind aside.
From the top I can see across Goss Moor to the distant sea on the north coast. Not that distant. We are never far from the sea in Cornwall but it is hard to reach the coast nonetheless, except for the infrequent beaches and occasional small harbours. Most often the sea is glimpsed from a distance, winking blue, promising warmth and light but unreachable, so near and yet so far. Nearer to me is the tall chimney stack of the incinerator at St Dennis. It is high enough to be visible from my house across numerous valleys and intervening hills. At night we can see the winking red lights on its top. A warning to the aircraft that no longer fly.
Downhill now: how is that the downhill is always less than the uphill? Onto Goss Moor, a site of special scientific interest if you have special scientific interests. Trees grow to just ten of fifteen feet from the mires, tall grasses, ponds, bogs: enough variation in the ecosystem to fund a great variety of plants and animals. I spin through it on a lane that is quiet at the best of times and is graveyard quiet today, houses shuttered up and closed down, gardens empty despite the spring sunshine.
From here I could carry on eastwards to Bodmin and then onto the Moor and beyond opening up the lower lands by the Tamar before Devon starts and then the grind over Dartmoor. It is tempting.....
But invisible strings are pulling me back. Duty. Responsibility.
Protect the NHS. I can go no further this time....but I promise to return once this is all over and keep pushing east to see what is there, to go down lanes that I still haven't explored in my winter of cycling these lanes on ever longer circuits. Pointing the wheels back towards Truro and all too soon I am back on familiar ground again, lanes that I last travelled a few days ago in the warmth of last week, the brisk east wind that has been holding me up all morning is now on my back and I am flying.
This is the original A30. Once two lanes of nose to tail traffic all summer long and now forgotten....
The return journey passes too quickly. I am feeling the hills....but I know I could go further and feel an overwhelming desire to turn around and keep the journey going, to see some more. But I won't. Up the last hill and into the lane that leads to our isolated house, hunkered down in the valley bottom. Back into the parallel universe of home, watching the plague through the internet and the laptop screen.
It is calm here tonight and cold enough for overnight frost. Tomorrow there are gales forecast and there is work to do in the garden. The bike has been locked away. My wheels of freedom.
April is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire....