I was just 17. It was July 1975. Me and my then girlfriend, Janice, were babysitting for some people she knew. The kids were safe in bed, and I was watching a crap film on the telly with more interest than the film deserved, because I knew 'It' was going to happen that night, and I was cackin meself.
Janice came over to me, and said something like 'Are you going to sit there watching that all night, or are you coming to bed?' For a 16 year old, she was very alluring. She was stroking my hair and everything.
I would love to be able to say that at this juncture I picked her up in my arms and swept her off to the bedroom, threw her down on the Brentford nylon sheets and made a woman of her - and a man of meself, as it happens.
But.
Instead, I mumbled something about 'this film is really, really good, and I want to see what happens in the end...
Anyway, to cut a short story even shorter, we did the Wild Thing, and just as I, ahem, Became A Man,
I'm not in love, by 10 CC came on the radio. And Janice burst into tears.
And I thought...FFS.