What's the best (non-sweary) insult you ever heard?

[Flying_Monkey]

At a rather expensive nightclub party, at the bar awaiting to be served a rather pretty (but carrying a little excessive weight around the midriff) girl came up to zack (my work buddy) and said

HER : "Hey good looking, you gonna buy a girl a drink"
ZACK : "At these prices it would be cheaper to pay for your yearly subscription to weight watchers"

Exit one miffed nightclub goer

That's not funny, it's just crap.

 

[Rob3rt]

That's not funny, it's just crap.

She was chubby, don't you get it?




BTW, do girls really use chat up lines like that? I thought that only happened in american sitcoms and porn!

 

[s7ephanie]

because i'm little i was once asked if my arse hit the curb when crossing a road

 

[EltonFrog]

"You're setting there with a face like fire damaged Lego."

 

[PocketFrog]

You look like your face was on fire and put out with a screwdriver.

 

[Proto]

'She had a face like a rivet catcher's glove'

 

[Minotier]

An old school Millwright I once worked with shouted at an Apprentice who was mucking about;
'' For God's sake Sanderson, stop acting like a council tenant.''

 

[Cheddar George]

Being six foot two and a rather slim build during my late teenage years it was commented by a neighbour that they had seen more meat on a butchers pencil.

 

[Chromatic]

My favourites are generally form Dorothy Parker, who had about the quickest evil wit ever - I like what she said when she heard news that President Calvin Coolidge had died, simply:

"How can they tell?"

I seem to remember reading about a story concerning Coolidge. I can't remember the details but this is the essence of it.
At some function or meeting Coolidge was approached by someone who had a wager with a friend that he could get more than two words out of Coolidge. When the person spoke to Coolidge and informed him of the wager Coolidge replied 'you lose' and moved on.
I don't know if it is true, but it is quite a good little story.

 

[ColinJ]

I seem to remember reading about a story concerning Coolidge. I can't remember the details but this is the essence of it.
At some function or meeting Coolidge was approached by someone who had a wager with a friend that he could get more than two words out of Coolidge. When the person spoke to Coolidge and informed him of the wager Coolidge replied 'you lose' and moved on.
I don't know if it is true, but it is quite a good little story.

Or was it "You win, mate!"

 

[AndyRM]

"Face like a sack of spanners"

"Mungbean!"

 

[Chromatic]

Or was it "You win, mate!"

It most certainly was not.
I've just had a quick google, apparently he said it to Dorothy Parker at a dinner party, when she told him she had a bet with a friend that she could get more than two words out of him.

 

[simon the viking]

Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries.

OK, so what if it was just quoted from a movie.

As soon as I read this threads title I thought of that one but you beat me to it

 

[yello]

I don't know if it is true, but it is quite a good little story.

Coincidently, reported on Radio 4 this morning as 3 words and the response was 'Lady, you lose'.

But I don't care either way. For me, stories are way more interesting than facts.

 

[s7ephanie]

if you had brains you would be dangerous