what would you do if...?

[fossyant]

My thoughts with your family, we lost my wife's brother aged 44, five years ago to a brain tumor - unfortunately it was far to big to operate. He had few symptoms (other than feeling tired but he put that down to work pressure) until he collapsed. Unfortunately, he lived in Hong Kong, so my wife and sisters/mother/father flew out to be with him.

It hit us all very hard, but we pulled round. Time is a big healer. All you can do is offer her as much support as possible.

 

[longers]

Sorry to hear this Kirstie, I can't offer anything constructive but only send virtual best wishes.

 

[Kirstie]

Following on from Maggot, I've just thought of another way you could help.

I fell into the role of being the information sharer. Working at the same hospital, I was able to nip down to all of the appointments. It's good having a few people there because you can prompt each other, and having some support gives people the confidence to ask questions. Mom's consultant used to try to guess how many of us were going to traipse through the door when she called mom's name. I found it pretty easy to remember stuff, so when we got home people tended to speak to me for feedback. I'd spend that evening on the phone to brothers and sisters etc passing on the info. It saved my mom sitting there telling everyone that she was fine, and my dad having a constant reminder about how seriously ill his wife was.

So there are a lot of practical things you can do. And I found that doing this helped me deal with things better.

Thanks User. I reckon I'd be able to do that one quite well.

 

[Arch]

I can't add to the advice given so far from personal experience, but from seeing friends go through it, it all seems very good - especially the stuff about making sure everyone involved is well informed, and understands the information they have.

I don't know your aunt, obviously, and you do, but I know if it was me that was ill, I'd want the right balance of sympathy and getting on with it. If it seems appropriate, then spending some time together just forgetting the fact, getting on as normal, may help, as opposed to smothering with too much sympathy, constant "are you ok?" questions etc. Just a thought, and you'll know better what is the right reaction.

And there may be practical things you can do to help occasionally, that are not directly connected with the cancer, but just give your aunt time to be with people when she wants to.

I hope it all goes as well as it can.

 

[wafflycat]

Can't add any really practical advice, seems lots already given. Just wanted to say that when my husband's mum was dealing with terminal cancer, one of the things she appreciated was having someone to sit and talk with - about *anything* and that when she said she was scared, having someone say that it's okay to be scared. That acknowledgement helped her cope, it sort of gave her permission to deal with her fears.

*huggles*

 

[ChrisKH]

I'm sending out positive vibes Kirstie. Obviously none of us know what type she has, how aggressive it is, etc. One thing is certain is that treatment of any type is enormously stressful and daunting so any support you can offer personally is always appreciated by the patient and their family.

The only advice I have from personal experience is that it is a natural reaction to rely on the positive aspects of any treatment and want/hope/pray that it will fix the problem (which I hope it does). Don't put off doing or saying anything now because the prognosis is unknown. These illnesses can be very quick if you get my meaning and the treatment can be debilitating. Don't put anything off - regret and guilt later is a terrible thing.