Wearing the inside out

[piedwagtail91]

i know what you mean, i've been around that stage several times.i found myself talking to people just to be polite when all i really want to do is tell them what i really think and smack them in the face.
sometimes i hate "wearing the mask" and being diplomatic/polite when i'm having a bad day and just don't have the patience.
i found that weight training helps me a bit, (it's different to riding the bike not just in the physical sense) i can swear and get ride of some of the self hate that builds up and the only person that gets hurt is me.i am begining to wonder if this is a form of self harm though.
but it does help me to be more relaxed and tolerant if only for a short time.theres not much help round here, it's several months wait to see someone to see if you can be helped.

 

[ChrisKH]

I could probably do with some counselling; anger management or something. I don't say this lightly or want to hijack BTFB's post but I think this is a universal theme that many people have problems with. And it does stem from keeping it all in, so when it does come out, it'sd unregulated and almost beyond control.

Good luck with it BTFB.

 

[Dave5N]

And obviously ever so sensitive about it.

Thanks for the tip-off - you won't be bothering me again.

You're a real charmer, aren't you.

 

[Noodley]

You're a real charmer, aren't you.

I believe I empowered him to express himself verbally.

 

[Dave5N]

Now go write yer report up!

 

[Noodley]

Now go write yer report up!

I have recommended he be taken into care as he is a very naughty boy.

So, perhaps we can now get back to BTFB's topic?

 

[NickM]

You're a real charmer, aren't you.

Well, I haven't told anybody on this forum to "fuck off", if that's what you mean.

 

[NickM]

Not me, sunshine. You'll need to look further up the thread.

 

[medals]

There is a lot of hate inside. For years it remained inside, but after treatment (which I wont bore you with) it is now more 'apparent' on the outside as well as on the inside. So people hear and see what I actually think (the inner me so to speak), which isnt always nice. Apparently this is good as keeping it inside isnt good. But it alienates those around me more and more. This adds to the hate and makes things worse, so I will shut the **** up again and suffer in silence.

I am reminded of a Pink Floyd line...'I'm wearing the inside out'....

...packs up, kits up and leaves the building on Bicycle.

Back to the thread maybe?

Sounds like you're pretty well tormented there BTFB.
If you've been bottling up negative thoughts & feelings over a number of years, I think whatever treatment you've had, or hopefully are still getting, is part of a long journey you going to have to take to get well.

It's not going to happen at once and you will get setbacks.
Maybe you should see whoever has been treating you again, if your course has finished.

I've had counselling myself and they never 'shut the door' once it's finished. Not in my experience anyway.

I suppose it's about managing your anger, channeling it appropriately, as I'm having to learn to do and it ain't always easy.

You implied at the end that you thought, 'this isn't working'.Don't give up on sorting this out, suffering in silence isn't really going to help you get better.
I've found this book quite helpful.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Cognitive-Behavioural-Therapy-Dummies-Willson/dp/0470018380

BTW, like the bike!

 

[Dave5N]

Well, I haven't told anybody on this forum to "fuck off", if that's what you mean.

No, it wasn't.

 

[NickM]

BTFB, if you do decide to seek further help, just don't accept being spoken to like a 5-year-old by the counsellor, will you? I really can't see how that helps a grownup.

 

[Fab Foodie]

I could probably do with some counselling; anger management or something. I don't say this lightly or want to hijack BTFB's post but I think this is a universal theme that many people have problems with. And it does stem from keeping it all in, so when it does come out, it'sd unregulated and almost beyond control.

Good luck with it BTFB.

BTFB much empathy from me and seemingly good advice from those in the trade. Good Councillors/Therapists are available, I wish I hadn't given mine-up quite so soon. You'll know when you have the right one.

I'm thinking of looking into some form of Anger Management as I suffer occasional rages as per ChrisKH's description. There short noisy rants and I feel sooooo much better afterwards, but they cause a lot of distress at home. I almost wish I could build a sound-proof room in my garage to rage against my frustration for 15 minutes. The reality is I get shouty, everybody get-on to me about being shouty and I just get worst
One of the things I did learn which might be valuable were about identifying the causes of anger and avoiding/negating them...I am getting better at this and am currently trying to change/remove areas of my life that cause me conflict. Understanding the drivers behind the anger however so you can make changes can be a very deep and painful process and the changes themselves might not be easy.

'Wearing the Inside out' is a real favourite of mine, very descriptive BTFB. I hope you get to start slaying or managing your demons soon.

 

[Abitrary]

The reality is I get shouty, everybody get-on to me about being shouty and I just get worst

It's funny everyone talking about getting angry, but since I've been cycling every day, and getting fitter, I've been getting ultra-angry myself.

Serious visceral, waiting for old lady tramps to try and nick a bit of my kebab stuff.

It just seems the more fitter and healthier I become, the more violent I become.

There is only one solution. A war.

 

[Abitrary]

The reality is I get shouty, everybody get-on to me about being shouty and I just get worst

Here we go again. A new shoutiest.

 

[Twenty Inch]

There are people around who are human excrement, that is undoubtedly true. They treat everyone badly, and enjoy it when they cause anger and distress. Berne calls this "Now I've got you, you son of a bitch" in The Games People Play. I've worked with a few of these people in a sales environment - no integrity, no sense of worth, snakes' bellies the lot of them.

The only response that was productive was to laugh at them and their tricks. It was less damaging to me, and confused and worried the hell out of them. Why am I laughing? What does he know?

Seeing some of them fret for weeks was a delight.

Take it easy guys.