Unbelievably Daft, Exaggerated or Plain Silly News Stories

[Blue Hills]

A thread to highlight and discuss news stories that are so outrageously daft, stupid, exaggerated or pointless, that those responsible deserve some kind of punishment.

Local papers could be rich pickings for this, but for the love of your chosen deity please keep it free of politics or religion.

So I'll start. This one popped up in my news feed, apparently this guy is distraught, because his mince pies wede not quite as big as he had hoped. Indeed, he is so upset that he claims that Asda have positively ruined Christmas. Yep, they've totally ruined Christmas. The whole holisay season is a write off. Poor feller.

https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/1532117/Asda-mince-pies-Christmas-shopping-supermarkets-row

that's one of those stories scraped from online outrage/social media posts.
Sadly many print media these days are reduced to trawling the web for non stories.
I believe there's one doing the rounds about supposedly outraged/amused folks and wetherspoons chips.
A magnet for theatricals.
Truly we are all going to disappear up our media arses.
I'm a tad surprised that some of our cyclechat theatricals haven't yet starred (for 30 seconds) in a print story.

 

[Tenacious Sloth]

My entry in the Plain Silly category is the Independent’s headline..

Hove you got a cold or Covid? Here’s how to tell the difference.

The article starts with “The bottom line is - you can’t“ and then goes on to explain that you can’t tell the difference as the symptoms are the same.

What a bunch of attention grabbing time wasters.

 

[Profpointy]

Man charged with breaking and entering after ‘leaving photocopy of his face’
Viral news Published: Sept 9, 2019
Last Updated: Sept 10, 2019

According to police in Toronto, 54-year-old Gary Samuel Lambe broke in, ate some food and went – leaving behind a photocopy of his face.

Police searching for a man they believe made a photocopy of his own face and left it behind after breaking into a building have made an arrest.

Officers in Toronto had been searching since August 23 for a man they said broke into a commercial property, ate some food and left.

Gary Samuel Lambe was believed by police to have made the photocopy after breaking into a property (Toronto Police Service)

Handily for police investigating the crime, while there the man appeared to have photocopied his own face and left the printout at the property.

Now police have charged a man, Gary Samuel Lambe of Toronto, after he was arrested on an unrelated matter.

Lambe, 54, who has been charged with breaking and entering and failing to comply with probation, was “identified due to tips and information provided by members of the community”, police said.

https://www.shropshirestar.com/news...entering-after-leaving-photocopy-of-his-face/

A friend of mine was formerly a policeman and he recounted something similar. A petty criminal had broken into an office and whilst there tried to photocopy his hand, but it was set in "dual sided" mode so the copy didn't appear as it was waiting for side two to be copied - which duly happened the next morning when the secretary was copying something else. The copy showed fingerprints perfectly as well as a scar and a distinctive ring. As my mate put it "you could tell it was a villain's hand" and one of his fellow officers actually recognised who it was from the ring and scar so they didn't even need the prints.

He had another story where the culprit had dropped his wallet, including driving licence etc climbing the fence whilst breaking in. His delight when the police knocked on his door a while later to return the items was short lived.

 

[LCpl Boiled Egg]

https://www.cambstimes.co.uk/news/large-fight-abandons-march-boxing-club-show-8543810

Who would have thought that people who like fights like fighting?

 

[lazybloke]

Was it the Sunday Sport that had headlines about a plane found on the moon? Some years ago now.

 

[Bike Tyson]

PHILADELPHIA FLYERS
POLICE K-9 CRAPS ALL OVER ICE...
On Team's Logo!!!

https://www.tmz.com/2021/12/06/philadelphia-flyers-dog-poo-logo-ice-police-k9/

 

[Hover Fly]

Not really silly, but storm Barra hits Barra*
https://www.nwemail.co.uk/news/19767311.live-updates-storm-barra-hits-cumbria/

*As the inhabitantants pronounce it.

 

[Beebo]

A school hair cut story. These are staples of British media.
It’s clear to anyone who has ever been to school that his haircut would put any teacher on alert but it still somehow makes the news.
His claim that girls are allowed plaits is frankly laughable. Show me any school girl with a haircut like that.
https://apple.news/A4Pt_yd_URbmaGxmf_nd-1w

 

[Bike Tyson]

Asda shopper left fuming after accidentally buying tiny mince pies




https://twitter.com/i/events/1468203856785936384

 

[Milkfloat]

A school hair cut story. These are staples of British media.
It’s clear to anyone who has ever been to school that his haircut would put any teacher on alert but it still somehow makes the news.
His claim that girls are allowed plaits is frankly laughable. Show me any school girl with a haircut like that.
https://apple.news/A4Pt_yd_URbmaGxmf_nd-1w

Found within 2 seconds of searching. I see no reason what a haircut has to do with getting an education and see schools that prohibit haircuts the same as I see those who ban kids from cycling to school without a helmet.

 

[Beebo]

Found within 2 seconds of searching. I see no reason what a haircut has to do with getting an education and see schools that prohibit haircuts the same as I see those who ban kids from cycling to school without a helmet.
View attachment 621089

Is she a school girl?

 

[Dolorous Edd]

Found within 2 seconds of searching. I see no reason what a haircut has to do with getting an education and see schools that prohibit haircuts the same as I see those who ban kids from cycling to school without a helmet.
View attachment 621089

In fact it could be argued that a haircut like that acts as a helmet.

 

[Bike Tyson]

Found within 2 seconds of searching. I see no reason what a haircut has to do with getting an education and see schools that prohibit haircuts the same as I see those who ban kids from cycling to school without a helmet.
View attachment 621089

Schoolgirls have changed since I was at school........

 

[Threevok]

Schoolgirls have changed since I was at school........

Not really. We had Mrs Potato Head when I was in school

 

[Milkfloat]

Is she a school girl?

She might be - certainly not primary. But why should a school care about a hair cut?