Try to nick my bike will ya??

[ChrisKH]

I would only us e very small amount - enough to blow off a hand or a couple of fingers.
Then when you see him writhing and screaming in agony, you confront him and stamp on his other hand ensuring that all of the delicate bones are broken. Find out from him where he lives. Drag him round to his home and set it on fire - when his family run out escaping the flames, shoot them down in cold blood. Track down his parents and kill them. Blow up his local pub. Find his probation officer and decapitate him. Put out his eyes with a corkscrew and pull out his tongue with pliers. Hacksaw off his legs at the knees.
THAT should do the trick.

That's it, you make him into a martyr among bike thieves why don't you.

 

[Oddjob62]

That's it, you make him into a martyr among bike thieves why don't you.

Would his bolt cutters be bronzed in his honour at the next bike thieves AGM??

 

[NickM]

Only if you'd used them to cut off his nads first.

 

[Andy in Sig]

I think the S Africans developed some sort of flamethrower built into car doors which did for people trying to hold up motorists.

Maybe something could be built into bike frames which sprays burning napalm all over the rider unless you punch in a code within the first 300 yards of pedalling. It would have the initial beneficial effect of reducing the requirement for street lighting in inner city areas.

 

[Paulus]

I'm in a dilemma about PCSOs. The people themselves aside, part of their role is a poor replacement to the proper Police. But this kind of assistance, alongside the relationship work that they do, is fantastic.

They may well be a replacement for "real" police officers, but in this case this is what they are there for. At the time of this incident, no crime had actually been committed, yet. But they were able to help out our friend without having to call out a real bobbie, therefore using police time for a locked bike, when there may of been a more pressing incident for them to deal with. I doubt whether the police would of staked out the bike waiting for the scroats to appear.