True Facts About Chris Rea

[grldtnr]

Ain't 'arf a load of tosh here about Chris.

But then that's what this thread is all about

 

[PeteXXX]

Ain't 'arf a load of tosh here about Chris.

But then that's what this thread is all about

Harsh but fair!

 

[PeteXXX]

Chris Rea was once a baker even though he didn't knead the dough.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea's latest project has had it's maiden outing, an elderly Toyota Prius has had an auberge field generator fitted for his new business venture, the Toyota Time Taxi is available to book on Uber right now, never be late for an appointment again, nights out, airport runs, etc any time, any place, anywhere with Reaz Carz Private Hire

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea's latest project has had it's maiden outing, an elderly Toyota Prius has had an auberge field generator fitted for his new business venture, the Toyota Time Taxi is available to book on Uber right now, never be late for an appointment again, nights out, airport runs, etc any time, any place, anywhere with Reaz Carz Private Hire

Every trip a guaranteed adventure, Sink the Titanic, blow up an airship, be there at 9/11 even decapitate a monarch! The worlds your lobster Reaz Cars ,Cinzano Bianco supplied free ( just the one mind,!)

 

[Moon bunny]

Tonight, in the pub, Chris Rea and the Archbishop were throwing beer over each over. The landlady asked them to stop but got drenched for her trouble.

 

[DRM]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c0kxznxyx5do
The Toyota Time Taxi has proved as problematic as the Turdis & Time Transit, when it was hired to take a group of friends for a night out at the Camel & Oasis Pub in Muthanna Province, Southern Iraq, problems started when the Toyota Time Taxi circled the desert to get down to a suitable speed to join the highway, when the vortex it created, along with a huge auberge field explosion, created a massive sand storm that hospitalised at least 700 people, & left a family of Bedouins homeless when their tents and camels were blown away, the iraqi Ambassador to the UK has demanded that the Lord Mayor of Middlesbrough has to visit the Iraqi Embassy to receive an official complaint, and make a formal apology

 

[grldtnr]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c0kxznxyx5do
The Toyota Time Taxi has proved as problematic as the Turdis & Time Transit, when it was hired to take a group of friends for a night out at the Camel & Oasis Pub in Muthanna Province, Southern Iraq, problems started when the Toyota Time Taxi circled the desert to get down to a suitable speed to join the highway, when the vortex it created, along with a huge auberge field explosion, created a massive sand storm that hospitalised at least 700 people, & left a family of Bedouins homeless when their tents and camels were blown away, the iraqi Ambassador to the UK has demanded that the Lord Mayor of Middlesbrough has to visit the Iraqi Embassy to receive an official complaint, and make a formal apology

Who might be the Smoggie Lord Mayor, erm it isn't his worshipful Lord Chris Rea , now would it be?
Bet Chris will send his brother Dai along

 

[lazybloke]

Easter has been wrecked for years because Chris Rea uses the Turdis to steal all the Toffee & Mallow eggs. I dread him developing a fondness for hot cross buns.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea would like to apologise for not having made any smash hit albums lately. He's stuck inside his shed after an unfortunate superglue incident.

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea recently applied to Drag Race and unveiled his new persona. The BBC rejected him with an accusation of plagiarism, and stated the name "Mary Hinge" no longer met broadcasting guidelines.

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea thought he was guaranteed to win a bet with Stephen Hawking that life would be found on another planet, thanks to using the Turdis to plant bio-signatures in the atmosphere of planet K2-18b, 120 light years away. In actual fact, the leaking tank of his flying portaloo really has seeded life there on that planet.

Rea was obviously saddened by the loss of a friend, but is incensed that he'll never get his 50p winnings.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea has vehemently denied that his latest project has dropped the driver of a 7.5 tonne truck in it with Nottinghamshire Police, after fitting a portable auberge field generator to a Mercedes Sprinter Van, which sadly reappeared in the back of the Mercedes 7.5 Tonner, and was spotted by Police Officers, who prosecuted the truck driver for driving an overloaded vehicle & tachograph offences, and refused to allow the truck to leave, until Chris Rea's van was removed, a Police spokesman was baffled that the Sprinter has a collection of MOT certificates, the newest of which expires on 13th October 2047, and due to the auberge field generator is registered as a hybrid.
When the Police told Chris Rea to leave And drive safely on the roads, he said Where I'm going I don't need roads!!
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c9qw1el3jyno