Things you'd like to say, but can't

[Nibor]

You flag up 'Order £50 for free delivery'. I put a £40 cook's knife in my basket. You flag up 'Spend another £10 to get free delivery!'. I add some glasses. I go to checkout. Delivery £10. Eh? 'UPS insist on a £10 charge for age-verification, and no, there are no alternative options.' Well, you know what you can do with my new kitchen knife don't you?

I ordered a penknife from Amazon which was supposed to be age verified on delivery thus stayed in all day the courier posted it through the letter box.

 

[swee'pea99]

I ordered a penknife from Amazon which was supposed to be age verified on delivery thus stayed in all day the courier posted it through the letter box.

It's all a load of cobblers. I found another seller offering free delivery and that was that. It came a couple of days later, no hassle.

 

[ColinJ]

To the management of North Ledaig Caravan and Motorhome Club affiliated site.
Is marking the cycle path which runs through the site against your wishes as the only Dog Walk an attempt to cause conflict?

They have only recently been persuaded to allow cyclists to use it - perhaps they haven't got round to changing the signs!

... There are still gaps in that long distance cycle route so riders currently get dumped back onto the road for a mile or two in various places but negotiations with landowners continue and they are gradually being won over. My cousin lives up there and he told me that a caravan site owner has just been persuaded by a local petition to allow the cycle path to pass across his land. That will allow children from Connel to cycle to school in Benderloch without having to ride on that road at all.

"Oh Sarah, oooh Sarah" during sex with my wife. My wife isn't called Sarah and hence why I can't say this without a serious outcome.

A girlfriend called out the name of her ex to me several times over the years. I pointed out that he was now ancient history, so how about calling out my name instead...? It carried on happening and eventually I thought it would be amusing to give her a taste of her own medicine. Let's say that she wasn't called Sarah either but I gasped out "Oh Sarah, oooh Sarah" to her one night and was quite shocked at the reaction... (Being shoved out of bed and ignored for a week!)

 

[oldwheels]

Colin J easy enough to add an additional sign saying cycle path. It is now tarred the whole length of the site and I use it often. Most dog walkers are ok but some seem to take the view that I should not be there as it is their path.

 

[aferris2]

Sure, I could send you a utility bill or bank statement to prove who I am / where I live.




... but we went paperless years ago!
Please, banks and other institutions, wake up to the fact that we don't have these any more.

 

[ColinJ]

Colin J easy enough to add an additional sign saying cycle path. It is now tarred the whole length of the site and I use it often. Most dog walkers are ok but some seem to take the view that I should not be there as it is their path.

Ah, I see - yes, I agree!

Last time I was up we still had to ride on the road next to the site.

I find that most dog walkers down here are considerate but I have encountered the occasional selfish idiot. I politely asked one dog owner to take hold of his dogs to put a stop to them attacking me on a public bridleway. The path was plenty wide enough for me to get by safely if his mutts had been kept under control for a few seconds. Rather than doing so, he started to rant, saying that I had no right to be there on a bike! Still being polite (it was an effort!), I told him that he was wrong - bridleways are for the use of walkers, horse riders AND cyclists, but he wouldn't have it. I MUST turn round and do a 10 mile detour because he was walking his mutts... In the end, I told him that if his dogs continued to attack then I would defend myself and given that they were only small terriers they could end up getting badly hurt. He continued his maniacal ranting and left the dogs to do their thing. I ended up sprinting past so fast that they couldn't catch me but one of them very nearly went under my back wheel!

 

[Vantage]

It's not "squirting", it's losing control of your bladder and peeing the bed.

Something tells me you're doing it wrong.

 

[ColinJ]

Thanks for the unsolicited email including your offer of interesting-looking bluetooth headphones, wireless door security camera etc. I am almost tempted by them.

Sorry though, I am not interested in the remote controlled fluorescent purple prostate massage device...

... and I honestly don't know any women who would like a Christmas present of a super-bright pink motorised device that looks like a tool used to humanely dispatch livestock at an abbatoir!

 

[Chris S]

"Oh Sarah, oooh Sarah" during sex with my wife. My wife isn't called Sarah and hence why I can't say this without a serious outcome.

Who's Sarah?

 

[Lullabelle]

Thanks for the unsolicited email including your offer of interesting-looking bluetooth headphones, wireless door security camera etc. I am almost tempted by them.

Sorry though, I am not interested in the remote controlled fluorescent purple prostate massage device...

... and I honestly don't know any women who would like a Christmas present of a super-bright pink motorised device that looks like a tool used to humanely dispatch livestock at an abbatoir!

 

[Lullabelle]

That was naughty, you were caught and hopefully you will get a telling off

 

[derrick]

Stop advertising Black Friday sales, Do a proper sale, Stuff people want, Not stuff you can't sell. Chain Reaction Wiggle and all the others.

 

[ColinJ]

It was a bit of a shock to see it!

The first half of the email showed pictures of the kind of tech gadgets that I am quite interested in so I had a look at them and then scrolled down, even though it was junk mail. The second half of the mail was something else! I'm very surprised that my spam filter didn't identify the mail as junk

I ended up trying to work out why one would need a remote control for a device that would be within easy reach when in use...

 

[Vantage]

I didn't get to say "CHEEEESE"!

Out with the doggy earlier on WinterHill and sat on a rock when some lady asked me to control Tara as she didn't like dogs.
Well, excuuuuuuuuse me! Tara got in her way momentarily.
Later I passed her and had to stop again due to the usual hypo attack and Tara still off her lead running about like a nutcase.
Lady walked towards me again and I called Tara back.
Lady then stopped opposite me, fumbled about in her pockets, got out her phone and took a picture of me. She didn't say a word and just walked off.
WTF?
I was speechless.

 

[swee'pea99]

I didn't get to say "CHEEEESE"!

Out with the doggy earlier on WinterHill and sat on a rock when some lady asked me to control Tara as she didn't like dogs.
Well, excuuuuuuuuse me! Tara got in her way momentarily.
Later I passed her and had to stop again due to the usual hypo attack and Tara still off her lead running about like a nutcase.
Lady walked towards me again and I called Tara back.
Lady then stopped opposite me, fumbled about in her pockets, got out her phone and took a picture of me. She didn't say a word and just walked off.
WTF?
I was speechless.

Should've given her the one-eyed salute