(this is brilliant - posted on CN forum by "etymology")
so this was Andy's conversation with Vino at the back of the peloton on monday.........
andrea: So, Vino, me and my temporarily detatched siamese twin Frank were thinking of riding for Astana next year. Johan *thinks* he is a master motivator and tactician...hahahahahhahaha, he can fool most of his teams most of the time, but he can't fool me and Frank! me and Frank know I will win le tour, and anyone who is so much as half aware of my rigorous training this year knows JB does not understand our training tactics. he should stick to things he does best, like selecting and knowing exactly how to change fresh picked beets to magically transform into mountain juice.
Plus, Johann is a big bully and says bad things about me and Frank to reporters.
Our daddy told us meandfrank will be the leaders we were born to be AND win THE tour for you if you bring us to Astana. to show our respect for and thanks to you, we promise that in each of our three pre-tour training races, we will ride in a way that makes it look like we are trying and more importantly, like we actually care.
So, whaddya' think about my offer, vino?
vino: Vino think he may be first EVER rider forced to abandon due to laughing and ruptured funnybone.
andrea: b-b-b-b-b-but
vino: Andy no like time trial. Andy no like descending. Andy no like rain. Andy no like cold. Andy no like big heat. Andy no like crosswinds. Andy no like headwinds. Andy no like serious training. Andy complain too much about everything.
andrea: But Viiiiiiiiiiinnnnooooo...
vino: Plus, Andy never learn to fix his own damn chain and Vino NEVER tell ds order teammate to neutralize race when Vino crash downhill. When Vino crash down hill and rip up knee, thigh, and elbow, vino pick himself up, change bike, and bleed all way to finish, then wait for time trial when Vino kick *** to get time back.
andrea: Yeahbut, you cheated that time!
vino: Not Vino's fault someone give him wrong bag of blood. Vino still ride time trial - Vino's bandages weighed half as much as bike that day. Vino got busted, so what? Vino still crushed everyone in time trial. Vino take punishment. Vino no complain. Vino never cry over spilled blood.
andrea: But Viiiiiiiiiinnnnnnoooooooo....
vino:Frank get call from Johan week before giro. Johan tell Frank "jakob out, you in." Frank cry and complain. Frank try to weasel out - Frank tell Johan "sorry, no can do - have to go on vacation with brother Andy." Johan tell Frank "have nice vacation with Andy in italy....see you in herning on 5 may!"
andrea: Johan KNOWS we always swim with the dolphins in may!
vino: Vino do high altitude training on glaciers may. Frank fall and hurt shoulder....Frank blame alex. Next day, Frank quit because his shoulder hurt. Vino never disgrace Astana with his racing. Vino attack, Schlecks sit back.
andrea: Does that mean "no deal?"
vino: You quick study, Andy! Maybe tomorrow you talk with Big George...if he retire this year, Cadel need new super domestique next year!
