Setting new standards in stupidity

[summerdays]

reminds of a mate's story. He got back home late after an evening of (ahem) "fine dining" and had forgotten his key. Fortunately the back door was unlocked. He sat down in the kitchen for a moment and nodded off. Awaking rather suddenly and rather early in the morning it suddenly dawns on him that he's in someone else's house! He managed to leave quietly with the houseowner hopefully none the wise

When I was a student living in hall, I was on my way back from breakfast and I had a clip on key ring (pepe for those that can remember the jeans). As I approached my door I decided to see if I could open the door with my key still clipped to my jeans. Turned out to be quite awkward as I shuffled forward, then I looked up and realised that there was someone sprawled pretty naked across my bed...... Then I looked at the room ... Not mine!

I made the quickest get away possible (baring in mind I was still attached to the door). Retreated to the staircase and went up one more floor.

 

[captain nemo1701]

After a long day at work, I had to drive home in a company van as I was driving to site early Monday. On leaving the office, I went to the loo and there, for some reason, took my house keys (with office door key on) out of my pocket and put them on top of the cistern. I think I might have wanted to put the van key on the ring as it had no tag.

Anyway, I left, drove home and stopped to buy some fish & chips en route. On arrival home, I fumbled in my pocket for the house keys......

Frantic drive back to the office as the keyring has my house, office, two bike lock keys and my shed key on it. It's now getting on for 7pm and I'm battling my way through the usual Bristol gridlock to reach the office before the cleaner leaves as I have no way of getting into the toilets. Failure would have meant embarrassing phone calls, etc. Luckily, I made it and the cleaner was still in the building. Astonishingly, my keys were still on the cistern.

I was suitably relieved, cursed my stupidity and returned home. By now, of course, my fish & chips were cold

 

[captain nemo1701]

Just thought about this one...

Has anyone here ever got out of a lift full of people on the wrong floor?. It's sooo hard to look cool, you have to wander about looking at goods,trying to look as if you intended to get off on that floor until the lift doors close. There's no way you're getting back on that lift as it'll be extremely obvious you screwed up

 

[TheDoctor]

Handy Hint.

If you doze off on a train to York, and wake up suddenly at a station where the sign is obscured so all you can see is the R and K on the end, don't panic and rush off the train convinced you're at York.
You could be at, say, Newark.
Not me, a friend. Honest.

 

[palinurus]

I cycled to the shop once to get some beer.

Then, for some reason, walked home (note I said get some beer, not get some more beer)

Next morning I couldn't work out how someone had nicked my bike without leaving any sign of breaking in. I worked it out eventually, bike was still there.

 

[Ganymede]

I know someone who did something similar, only it was their dog not their bike.

Edit: I don't mean they rode the dog to the shop, obvs. They left him tied up outside.

I know someone who did something similar, only it was their baby, not their bike. Luckily it was only two doors down.

Come to think of it:

I know a Prime Minister who did something similar, only it was his daughter, not his bike...

 

[ShipHill]

When I was a taxi driver/parcel delivery guy in rural Scotland years ago, I once pulled up outside this one house to drop off a parcel in my silver Vectra.
After I dropped the package off to Mrs Smith I skipped back down her short path and climbed into the silver car that was there. My key wouldn't fit. This dashboard layout looks unfamiliar. Where are the wee pile of parcels that were on the passenger seat? Why is Mrs Smith doubled up with laughter?

My taxi was parked behind. I'd got in her silver Nissan. Doh!

 

[summerdays]

I had a friend who did leave her new daughter in the chemist, as she wandered out chatting to her toddler. Luckily she regularly used the chemist and they looked after her for the 5 minutes or so for the Mum to realise!

 

[400bhp]

Got on the last train one evening a long time ago in Sydney. Fell asleep, woke up with a start luckily to find I was at my stop. I got off and promptly walked off the end of the platform.

I'd fallen asleep all the way to the end of the line and the train was making it's way back to Sydney. Completely disorientated.

 

[400bhp]

Wednesday last week. Sat down on a bench waiting at Leicester train station for a connection, I decided I was a bit hungry so went outside the station to get some food. 10 minute later I walk back on the platform, start to walk past the bench I was sat on and something catches my attention in the corner of my eye. I had left my umbrella by the side of the bench. Without a further thought i grabbed the umbrella and gave a smile to a women who was sat in the seat I was in and next to my umbrella.

Cue a loud gasp and a sigh from the women, then lots of tutting from her as she watched me walk off. She must have thought I had stolen it. I thought it more amusing not to enlighten her as clearly too dim to work it out for herself.

Cue me then leaving the brolly on the train I caught anyway.

 

[Rezillo]

I filled Mrs R's diesel car fuel tank with petrol because I was chatting and looking one way while reaching behind me for the hose. When I admitted this at work, I was amazed by how many others, previously silent about it, had done this.

The recovery driver told me he had come across many company car drivers who had driven off after knowingly putting the wrong fuel in, so that their car would later break down and be logged as mechanical failure. Not because they would face company action over their mistake but because they couldn't face the shame of colleagues ribbing them about it.

 

[ShipHill]

I filled Mrs R's diesel car fuel tank with petrol because I was chatting and looking one way while reaching behind me for the hose. When I admitted this at work, I was amazed by how many others, previously silent about it, had done this.

The recovery driver told me he had come across many company car drivers who had driven off after knowingly putting the wrong fuel in, so that their car would later break down and be logged as mechanical failure. Not because they would face company action over their mistake but because they couldn't face the shame of colleagues ribbing them about it.

This reminds me of the almost weekly misfuellings by my old taxi boss.

His "fleet" of vehicles (all 5 of them) were 4 diesel and 1 petrol.
He employed 3 drivers and not one of us ever... EVER... misfuelled in the 4 1/2 years I was there, and George who had been driving for Bob for eons had never misfuelled either.

The boss's son was our mechanic/spare driver and he had tank emptying down to a fine art

The one day Bob was absolutely raging about the latest misfuelling.

Bob - Now listen here you lot. We had another misfuelling this morning and it has to stop. farkin pay attention ok
George - But Bob. You're the only dafty here who has ever misfuelled. It's always you.
Bob - I farkin know that George you cheeky sod. I'm just saying. We all need to fuel up correctly.
George - ok boss
Me - ok Bob
The other driver - ok Bob
The boss's son - ok dad.

Later that same day there was another misfuelling.

By the boss obviously.

 

[John the Canuck]

I did almost the same thing in car park in Doncaster. But I'd left them still in the lock in the driver's door.

had a petite GF some time ago
she phoned in a panic - lost car keys - could i start car somehow as still unlocked
drove down - noticed tailgate was UP
.
.
.
yep keys in lock ... wee lass couldn't see that high......................

 

[captain nemo1701]

Handy Hint.

If you doze off on a train to York, and wake up suddenly at a station where the sign is obscured so all you can see is the R and K on the end, don't panic and rush off the train convinced you're at York.
You could be at, say, Newark.
Not me, a friend. Honest.

A friend of mine was returning from the Forest of Dean. All he had to do was arrive in Newport station, stroll across the platform and hop on the Swansea to London service which calls at Bristol Parkway en route to Paddington. Then, it's a short wait until a train to Temple Meads comes along and a 10 minute trip into town. So the total journey including waits takes little over an hour.

My friend hopped onto the train, got to Parkway but for some reason (probably not reading the destination display with all stops) didn't get off. Several minutes later he realised he was en route to London and had to change at Swindon. Total journey time home was about three hours.

 

[Profpointy]

Some colleagues of mine driving up from Bristol to Darlington. A long journey, but seemingly straightforward - M5, M42,M1 keep going.
After 4 hours, "I never knew there was another Rickmansworth in North Yorkshire." Soon followed by "f***, that's the North Circular"

They both started laughing - 4 hours driving and no closer to their destation - eventually raching Darlo in the early hours.

The eaisily done mistake - you have to "turn off" the M42 to remain on it, elae you end up on the M40 (southbound). I too have done this, but i noticed after 15 minutes when signs said "oxford"