Red flags with people?

[Blue Hills]

Like to think that am fairly sussed out with regard to folk/human nature, particularly what might be termed "the dark side".
But unfortunately, maybe like many folk, quite often/too often silence my perceptions because of emotional attachments of various sorts.
What do the internationally renowned wise emotionally intelligent folk of Cchat think are the red flags that shouldn't be ignored?

 

[T.M.H.N.E.T]

On a personal level from personal experience or in a general broad brush sense

 

[BrumJim]

"I'm just dreaming about getting a new bike."

It means that you will always be second-best in any relationship. That given the choice between a romantic dinner and a 100 mile ride, they will go for the latter. It means that your garage will never be big enough, and you might end up sharing your bedroom with a bicycle or two. And just when things are tight and you aren't sure how you are going to pay your bills, someone is going to buy their dream steed.

 

[All uphill]

Not sure how emotionally intelligent I am, but I do listen to words and ideas that pop up frequently in a person's conversation.

If, for example, there are repeated references to drinking, violence, put downs of women or racism, I remove myself.

 

[T.M.H.N.E.T]

Not sure how emotionally intelligent I am, but I do listen to words and ideas that pop up frequently in a person's conversation.

If, for example, there are repeated references to drinking, violence, put downs of women or racism, I remove myself.

This is very like me in the sense that I would also listen to things people say and decide from there if I wish to be in the same room or postcode as them. Unfortunately as is mostly the case, I'd rather be far away..

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Sometimes it’s observing how they treat others. How do they treat someone in a shop, how do they treat a waitress, how do they treat a person of colour, how do they treat people who work for them (if you’re ever able to observe). Some people are sweetness and light when they consider themselves with their peers but can be bloody awful to those they consider “other”.

 

[T.M.H.N.E.T]

Sometimes it’s observing how they treat others. How do they treat someone in a shop, how do they treat a waitress, how do they treat a person of colour, how do they treat people who work for them (if you’re ever able to observe). Some people are sweetness and light when they consider themselves with their peers but can be bloody awful to those they consider “other”.

I've came across people in my life who are a bit of everything, "more faces than the albert clock". Evidently unlike the time, they are hard to read as you never know which version of them will walk through the door.

 

[BrumJim]

Seriously, though, anyone who spends any time criticising their parents, siblings, friends, neighbours, last partner, employer, etc. Particularly when you first meet them. No one is perfect, and everyone needs to vent at some point, but constant complaining just makes me think that I will soon be the subject of their character assassination attempts soon.

 

[matticus]

This thread could become a Best Of for all the CChat moaning/irritation/bigotry threads!

 

[yello]

I once phoned a friend at his place of work. He said 'hang on a minute' to me whilst he finished a conversation with his colleague. I have never heard someone I knew be so rude to someone else. Seriously, I was appalled that he could talk to a fellow human being like that. I knew he could be a bit of a self-centered, evil sh*t sometimes but this was another level.

I allowed myself to drift away from him and am now no longer in contact. I had no wish to know someone like that.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

People who join a round a drinks and then “go missing” when it’s their round.

 

[Blue Hills]

Not sure how emotionally intelligent I am, but I do listen to words and ideas that pop up frequently in a person's conversation.

If, for example, there are repeated references to drinking, violence, put downs of women or racism, I remove myself.

mm- hard to argue with most of that but surely on the drinking would depend on context/degree?

 

[Blue Hills]

On a personal level from personal experience or in a general broad brush sense

if that's a question - either - go ahead.

 

[Dirk]

Someone criticising their partner, or mutual friends, unfairly and openly in a conversation is a red flag for me.

 

[Blue Hills]

Seriously, though, anyone who spends any time criticising their parents, siblings, friends, neighbours, last partner, employer, etc. Particularly when you first meet them. No one is perfect, and everyone needs to vent at some point, but constant complaining just makes me think that I will soon be the subject of their character assassination attempts soon.

that last bit reminds me of a (very attaractive) woman I used to know. Was always slagging off people who had supposedly been very bad, or "peanuts" <PEANUTS??!! - CC censor robot - think anal orifices> as she tended to call them, as a way of ingratiating herself with new folk/blokes (OK - they were usually keen to be ingratiated) - once slagged off some bloke with extreme venom/moral righteousness for going to bed with her "hell - he was my boyfriend's best friend" she said. I seem to recall that I said "mm - where were you at the time?"