Please critique my email

[fimm]

To (somebody at First Bus, need to work out who)

Dear Sir/Madam,

At approximately 10:30 on Saturday 5th November, I and 3 other cyclists were on the A198 just west of Gullane, East Lothian, when a First Bus came up behind us. The driver of the bus sounded his horn repeatedly and then passed us closely and at speed, forcing us to brake and swerve to avoid the vehicle. Unfortunately I did not get the registration number of the vehicle, and so appreciate that it may be difficult to locate the particular driver concerned. However I would be grateful if you would remind your drivers that this kind of agressive and inconsiderate driving is not what one would expect from professional drivers. Indeed, it is likely to reduce any cooperation that a driver might otherwise get from other road users.

Yours sincerely
etc.

What do you reckon? It is the last sentence I'm struggling most with - I'd like to include something about "annoy cyclists and they're less likely to move over" but I'm not sure how to put it.
Is it worth sending it?

(edited to add road number)

 

[MissTillyFlop]

To (somebody at First Bus, need to work out who)

Dear Sir/Madam,

At approximately 10:30 on Saturday 5th November, I and 3 other cyclists were on the A198 just west of Gullane, East Lothian, when a First Bus came up behind us. The driver of the bus sounded his horn repeatedly and then passed us closely and at speed, forcing us to brake and swerve to avoid the vehicle. Unfortunately I did not get the registration number of the vehicle, and so appreciate that it may be difficult to locate the particular driver concerned. However I would be grateful if you would remind your drivers that this kind of agressive and inconsiderate driving is not what one would expect from professional drivers. Indeed, it is likely to reduce any cooperation that a driver might otherwise get from other road users.

Yours sincerely
etc.

What do you reckon? It is the last sentence I'm struggling most with - I'd like to include something about "annoy cyclists and they're less likely to move over" but I'm not sure how to put it.
Is it worth sending it?

(edited to add road number)

I would not include anything about annoying cyclists or other road users and the effect it will have on their co-operation. Stick to stating the facts of the situation in question, it is more than enough.

 

[BSRU]

I would not include anything about annoying cyclists or other road users and the effect it will have on their co-operation. Stick to stating the facts of the situation in question, it is more than enough.

+1

 

[deptfordmarmoset]

If the driver forced you and the others to swerve then it sounds more like dangerous driving than inconsiderate driving. If that is the case then you should stress this fact.

 

[Slaav]

If the incident is as you suggest () and not a Matthew_T scenario, then it can be pretty scary and threatening.

If abus does pass you and several others at close quarters I would also think it is close to 'dangerous driving' rather than bad manners.

I would suggest that these feelings or 'facts' should be put in the letter.

To get their attention, 'safety', 'danger', 'irresponsible driving', 'pure luck that a cyclist wasn't seriously hurt' etc are all phrases that will certainly get noted.

Would it not be worth asking for the driver's details so that the matter can be reported to the Police? Or simply report the incident - BUT ONLY IF IT WARRANTS IT!

The least you should do is ask a question about other incidents with this driver? Again, assuming it really was terrible behaviour etc, get it logged on his record with the company - enough incidents and for insurance purposes, they will HAVE to deal with him.

Good lUck but again, if warranted, do something about it! Too many of us wouldnt bother but just bleat on about it with mates etc....





and then again, you may want to post up a video of it and you screaming at everyone around you?

 

[alecstilleyedye]

make sure to state (if it's the case) that you were riding three in-line (or no more than two abreast) or they may take no notice…

 

[Jezston]

Only thing I'd say is try to give more information about when/where/what bus.

You don't have the reg, but do you have the bus number? By 10:30 do you mean AM or PM? Can you be any more specific about where you were? Bus company, if interested, will be more likely to be able to work out who the driver was if they know exactly when and where it was.

 

[Moss]

To (somebody at First Bus, need to work out who)

Dear Sir/Madam,

At approximately 10:30 on Saturday 5th November, I and 3 other cyclists were on the A198 just west of Gullane, East Lothian, when a First Bus came up behind us. The driver of the bus sounded his horn repeatedly and then passed us closely and at speed, forcing us to brake and swerve to avoid the vehicle. Unfortunately I did not get the registration number of the vehicle, and so appreciate that it may be difficult to locate the particular driver concerned. However I would be grateful if you would remind your drivers that this kind of agressive and inconsiderate driving is not what one would expect from professional drivers. Indeed, it is likely to reduce any cooperation that a driver might otherwise get from other road users.

Yours sincerely
etc.

What do you reckon? It is the last sentence I'm struggling most with - I'd like to include something about "annoy cyclists and they're less likely to move over" but I'm not sure how to put it.
Is it worth sending it?

(edited to add road number)

Hi,

Your email is far too mild in it's manner! This incident could have had dire consequences? the driver should not have sounded the horn!! And then continue to overtake three cyclists in a dangerous manner. Human life is precious. Those road users that believe the highways are just for their use, really do need educating in road safety procedures! Next time, this driver may end up hurting or even killing someone by his dangerous driving.

 

[Scilly Suffolk]

Telephone First Bus and ask to be put through to the Chief Executive's assistant; explain that you have a complaint that you would like brought to the attention of the CE and could you address it to them.

Then I suggest you send something like this:

Dear [CEO assistant],

Incident Of Dangerous Driving By First Bus

Further to our conversation of [date] I would be grateful if you could bring the following incident to the attention of Mr O'Toole CBE.

At approximately 10:30am on Saturday, 5th November 2011 myself and three friends were cycling [in single file/two abreast] [North/East/South/Westbound; or towards xxxx] on the A198 just West of Gullane, East Lothian when we were approached from behind by one of your buses.

The driver repeatedly sounded their horn before overtaking us at such speed and so close that we were forced to brake and swerve to the kerb to avoid a collision.

May I remind you that the Highway Code requires that all road users are treated as if they were vehicles during overtaking manoeuvrs, i.e. your driver should have passed us at the same distance as they would a car. Furthermore the horn should be used to warn other road users of your presence and not to alarm and intimidate them.

Although I was unable to note the Vehicle Index Number or the service number of your bus, reference to your timetables will allow you to identify the driver in question.

As well as a pursuing a complaint of Dangerous Driving with the Police I am doing my utmost to ensure that this matter receives maximum publicity: this incident could easily have resulted in the serious injury or death of four people.

I look forward to your early reply, in which you detail the action you are taking to investigate the matter and your confirmation that the Police will receive your full co-operation.

Yours sincerely,

Fimm.


cc Inspector Knacker, East Lothian Police
Dave Smarmy MP, Westminster
Tony Hack (Editor), The Daily Blah-blah-blah


Send it by Recorded Delivery to First Bus with copies and a covering memo to the others (having made a complaint to the Police) and via not e-mail. If you can't be bothered to write a "proper" letter, it suggests that you are unlikely to be bothered to see the matter through; Recorded Delivery lets them know that you are keeping a record for later use.

 

[MissTillyFlop]

Hi,

Your email is far too mild in it's manner! This incident could have had dire consequences? the driver should not have sounded the horn!! And then continue to overtake three cyclists in a dangerous manner. Human life is precious. Those road users that believe the highways are just for their use, really do need educating in road safety procedures! Next time, this driver may end up hurting or even killing someone by his dangerous driving.

True, but emotive complaint letters usually get ignored, or "filed under b."

 

[Hip Priest]

True, but emotive complaint letters usually get ignored, or "filed under b."

+1

I've never made a complaint about driving, but whenever I have to compain to a company for whatever reason, I find that politness and an excess of charm gets better results than shouting the odds, however tempting it may seem!

 

[dellzeqq]

Fimm - it's fine. When it arrives on the desk of whoever they will either go with it or bin it. That depends on them far more than it does on the letter. Agonise no longer!

 

[Scoosh]

Doesn't sound nice at all, fimm.


I'd go more for JtW's approach, perhaps changing

The driver repeatedly sounded their horn

to "the horn" ...

and

at the same distance as they would a car

to "...the same distance as for a car"

Knowing the road in question, perhaps a bit more detail of how near to Gullane you were - between the golf courses, between Sandy Lane and Hopetoun Terrace etc.



My experience of First Bus drivers, mainly on the W Lothian roads, has been very good and considerate.

Hope you get it sorted to CC's satisfaction

.

 

[fimm]

Thank you for all the comments. I didn't have time to come back and reply earlier!


Many thanks to a_spanner_short for the pedantry - I appreciate it.

I'm not going to write some sort of rant - it isn't my style. To be honest I was more annoyed by the persistent overuse of the horn than by the close pass, which, although in my opinion definitely a punishment pass, was avoidable by breaking and swerving.

Here's another draft. I'm just going to email them and if it gets filed under B at least I did complain.

Dear Sir/Madam,


At approximately 10:30am onSaturday, 5th November 2011 I and three friends were cycling two abreast westboundon the A198 just West of Gullane, East Lothian,in the area where the road passes through the golf courses, when we wereapproached from behind by one of your buses.

The driverrepeatedly sounded their horn before overtaking us at such speed and so closethat we were forced to brake and swerve to the kerb to avoid a collision.

May I remind youthat the Highway Code requires that all road users are treated as if they werevehicles during overtaking manoeuvres, i.e. your driver should have passed usat the same distance as they would a car. Furthermore the horn should be usedto warn other road users of your presence and not to alarm and intimidate them.

Unfortunately I did not getthe registration number of the vehicle, and so appreciate that it may bedifficult to locate the particular driver concerned. However I would begrateful if you would remind your drivers that this kind of aggressive andinconsiderate driving is not what one would expect from professional drivers.

Yours faithfuly
etc.

 

[growingvegetables]

I'd go for that wording.

Just send it

- by e-mail (which they may well ignore)

- with a snailmail copy, fao Paul Thomas, Managing Director, First, Carsmuir House, 300 Stirling Road, Larbert, FK3 3NJ