Pedestrian put-downs

[rich p]

Get it over with Arch - post the photos to his wife, employer, the local vicar (unless he's in them too ) his housemaster, the News of the World, the CPS "Special Unit" and the Worshipful Grandmaster of his lodge.

Oi, Patrick, don't encourage her and I promise that I'll never to try to pull your online arm candy or tell her about your erm... relationship with Vivienne-Ann

 

[Cycling Naturalist]

or tell her about your erm... relationship with Vivienne-Ann

She was at the gym the other night - her body is absolutely fantastic. It inspired me to work even harder to get the six pack up to scratch.

 

[Dayvo]

Are there any good "put downs" or what then?

Fukk off you c*#t works for me, but ONLY if I'm in the right.
Then I can be suitably eloquent and smug!

 

[Cab]

If I was cycling on the pavement, or had a foot on the pavement, or was straddling my bike on the pavement, and got lip from a pedestrian... Well, I'd take it. Its a fair cop. Wouldn't happen though, I don't ride on the pavement.

Last time I did get lip for that it was 'cos I hopped onto the pavement and stopped to allow an emergency vehicle (it was a fire engine) past in a narrow street. An old lady crossed the road to tell me off. I wasn't polite to her.

Last time I got grief from a pedestrian (in fact nearly every time) it has been on a shared use pavement. I'd generally stick with mildly sarcastic in response, rather than insulting.

 

[Rhythm Thief]

Last time I did get lip for that it was 'cos I hopped onto the pavement and stopped to allow an emergency vehicle (it was a fire engine) past in a narrow street. An old lady crossed the road to tell me off. I wasn't polite to her.

"Oh piss off, you interfering old boot" strikes me as appropriate in that instance. She actually went to the trouble of crossing the road just to have a go at you? What a sad empty life she must have.

 

[Abitrary]

"Oh piss off, you interfering old boot" strikes me as appropriate in that instance. She actually went to the trouble of crossing the road just to have a go at you? What a sad empty life she must have.

Thanks all. *especially* those that answered the question.

I will now get off the bike at junctions and pretend that I am in a cyclo cross competition.

I find that fantastical thoughts whilst cycling can magnify the experience 20 fold.

For example, whilst trying to slow down going down a hill, I don't just order my brain to: 'pull the brake!'

I substitute it with stuff like 'firing anti-gravity gun A'... 'firing anti-gravity gun B' etc...

 

[k-dog]

Okay so this seems the appropriate time to ask this question - it's been kicking around my head since July 06.

I was away with the Scouts I help with staying near Kielder and we rented bikes one day. We got a big lecture from the guy at the place about how this was England and the law was different here so we couldn't ride on the pavement.

He stated that in Scotland a bicycle is classed as a 'mechanical aid to walking' so you can use it on the pavement.

I'd never heard that term before so does anyone know the answer? Can you legally ride a bike on the pavement in Scotland?

 

[purpleR]

Okay so this seems the appropriate time to ask this question - it's been kicking around my head since July 06.

I was away with the Scouts I help with staying near Kielder and we rented bikes one day. We got a big lecture from the guy at the place about how this was England and the law was different here so we couldn't ride on the pavement.

He stated that in Scotland a bicycle is classed as a 'mechanical aid to walking' so you can use it on the pavement.

I'd never heard that term before so does anyone know the answer? Can you legally ride a bike on the pavement in Scotland?

Yes, the bicycle has a peculiar legal status in Scotland. Colloquially, it's known as a walking bird - I didn't hear the word bicycle until I was in my mid teens. Although the pavement cycling law has now been overturned by the Scottish Parliament there are other customs around walking birds in Scotland.

If you're ever in Scotland, here are a couple to make you feel right at home. Don't leave your bike outside shops - take it in with you. Shopkeepers don't mind this at all. Cyclists on the street say a friendly 'hello' to other vehicles by banging sharply on the side of their vehicle.

I'm sure some of our other Scottish forummers will be able to tell you some of the customs they have come across.

Hope this helps!

 

[Arch]

Yes. And any Scotsman found riding a bike within the City walls of York can legally be shot, as long as the shooter uses a BB gun, fires from a passing chavved up Corsa, and shouts "Awoarrorroror" as they do so....

This may, or may not, be true.

Actually, until fairly recently it was technically la public duty to shoot a Scotsman wearing a kilt within the city walls, as long as you used a crossbow, but I think the council finally rescinded that byelaw...

 

[k-dog]

^ yeah, I know most, I'm in Edinburgh too.

Just hadn't heard the law that he was talking about.

 

[jay clock]

My two favourite put-downs:

One from me - cycling along a wide cart track that is technically a bridleway but provides a lovely cut through avoiding a massive busy hilly road

Old boy with dog "Oi, you're not allowed to cycle along here"
Me: "and your dog is meant to be on a lead, so that makes it one all"

There are actually country code signs about dogs being on leads, which helped! He was lost for words.

The other was in the 10 items or less queue at Asda. A woman pushed up a trolley with well over 20 items. I was about 5th in the queue, and went to the cashier to ask whether he could request the woman to go to another lane. The customer turned to me and in a posh and very weary voice said "Why don't you just fu*k off?". We all just burst out laughing, then chatted about her as if she wasn't there while she paid for her stuff!

 

[bonj2]

"Oh piss off, you interfering old boot" strikes me as appropriate in that instance. She actually went to the trouble of crossing the road just to have a go at you? What a sad empty life she must have.

do you think 'boot', or 'bag' has a better ring to it? 'witch' even?
I think possibly 'boot' if cockney, 'bag' if northern. Anyone else think of any way of refining that so it rolls of the tongue even more smoothly and flowingly?

 

[Arch]

My two favourite put-downs:

One from me - cycling along a wide cart track that is technically a bridleway but provides a lovely cut through avoiding a massive busy hilly road

Old boy with dog "Oi, you're not allowed to cycle along here"
Me: "and your dog is meant to be on a lead, so that makes it one all"

There are actually country code signs about dogs being on leads, which helped! He was lost for words.

Nice one. Although, aren't bikes allowed on bridleways, unless specifically prohibited for some reason? I may be wrong, I rarely cycle off road. Would be even better though, to be 2-nil up...

 

[bonj2]

Nice one. Although, aren't bikes allowed on bridleways, unless specifically prohibited for some reason? I may be wrong, I rarely cycle off road. Would be even better though, to be 2-nil up...

yes they are.

 

[BentMikey]

Bonj, you really are quite the bundle of ignorance, LOL!