I have a Roam V2 and RTL515. It's the 'tal light' we're talking about in the above.
Soooo..... no need to physically touch the Varia, other than to put it on. Once it's on and shows connected on the head unit, go to the 'main menu' on the Roam and keep clicking down 'til you get to 'Radar', which is beneath the 'Settings' option (I Ihink, I don't have it to hand right now). Select and click that. On the resultant menu are about ten Varia related things about battery remaining, firmware levels, etc. These include 'Alert mode': set that to 'On'. Then set the time below (I think immediately below), which is Light mode' to 'Off'. That should do it.
There is a setting whose name I forget which essentially says 'Flash the rear light a bit when the radar alerts, then put it off unitl it alerts again'. This is what I use, set to zero seconds, so the light stops flashing when a vehcile has passed. In practice, on quiet roads in the Dales, that gives me around 15 hours of Varia life.
I'll update this with more precise terms re the menus if I can get to my Roam later today (I'm travelling).
EDIT:
1. From the top level menu, the one starting 'Start ride', click down to 'Radar' under the ' Sensors' section and highlight it.
2. Click 'More', which is the bottom right button once 'Radar' is highlighted. This may be the step you're missing.
3. Clcik down to 'alert mode' and click the centre bottom button 'til 'On' appears next to 'alert mode'.
4. Go down one more line to 'Light mode' and set that to 'Off'.
5. Go down to 'Auto light' and set that to whatever you wish, using the centre-bottom button. I have 1s. You can set it to 1,5, 10 or Disabled. The latter will keep the light always off. The others will make it flash when a car appears and then for X seconds AFTER a car has passed.
I think that's it. Hope that helps !