mid life crises…

[alecstilleyedye]

I'm with the belief that 'mid life crises' are born of a realisation of mortality shown thru a need to 'live life over again' before old age and decrepitude encroaches.

For a lot of men the aquisition of 'trophies' becomes a polarised agenda. Having accomplished most of the 'social standards', good job, wife, family, mortgage there can arise a need for an edge of danger and a chance to
exercise 'cunning' or prove 'masculine assertiveness', eg: having affairs.

There are a great many things men fear in getting older and there will always be things one will have hoped to experience or achieved.

I have a lawyer friend, in his mid to late 30's who has found, after several years in a very well paid job, with a nice Merc. and a couple of good properties, that he is incredibly unfulfilled with his lot.
He keeps wanting greater challenges when what he really lacks is a rewarding and challenging outside interest or, dare I say it, hobby.
Instead he goes out on works 'benders' and keeps making entirely the wrong choice in girlfriends and usually it is someone from work.

His basic problem is that he has reverted to his student days, doesn't see that it then conflicts with his view of his present self and so the circle begins.

I was lucky in the sense I had my crises at 30 after having been married, divorced and a father for some ten years before I had a chance to be a 'free(ish) man' once again. I then made some very bad life choices, took on more work than I could handle, and started to become nothing like the person I had once set out to be, more to the point I became someone I really didn't like.
This resulted in my suffering a huge attack of nervous exhaustion and a breakdown.

Thankfully as I head towards 40 next year, I have made changes, choices and although nothing like my previous life I am happier now, with less, than I've ever been.

And I still feel no urges to buy a cardigan!

chapeau td but tell your lawyer friend to get a bike…

 

[Sh4rkyBloke]

And I still feel no urges to buy a cardigan!

There it is, in a (rather smaller) nutshell - tdr1nka is still fine!

 

[numbnuts]

I never had a mid life crises and I’m 56 now, did I miss something or maybe a later starter

 

[simonali]

I am seeing far to many old boys driving around in Evo's and Scooby's these days.

I'm currently thinking about buying a new Civic Type-R while I can still afford to run it!

 

[tdr1nka]

chapeau td but tell your lawyer friend to get a bike…

He has one! In fact he worked as a cycle courier all while taking his finals and commutes to work on it, although since he moved to less than a 10 minute ride from work I agree he does need a nudge to get out more!

 

[yello]

I like cardigans! And I've been having a mid life crisis since about the age of 20!

I think there's a lot in the money and time thing. I guess some blokes (does a women have mid life crisis??) feel they've had little or nothing for themselves during their 30's because it's been kids and mortgage etc. When they get a little bit of money there's the feeling that they can perhaps make up for lost time. Perhaps there's a mortality thing in there as well; believing they are still 'young' and can fend off old age. Complex innit really... and does it really matter? No harm in it truth told.

I've not got kids, always arsed about, married at 39 and happily so. Does continuing to buy cycling shirts count as a mid-life crisis?

 

[twowheelsgood]

"Didn't realise it and so bought a Harley Davidson instead"

Oh man, that must be THE stereotypical response to a mid-life crisis!

Thankfully being immortal mid-life isn't an issue for me.

 

[alecstilleyedye]

I like cardigans! And I've been having a mid life crisis since about the age of 20!

I think there's a lot in the money and time thing. I guess some blokes (does a women have mid life crisis??) feel they've had little or nothing for themselves during their 30's because it's been kids and mortgage etc. When they get a little bit of money there's the feeling that they can perhaps make up for lost time. Perhaps there's a mortality thing in there as well; believing they are still 'young' and can fend off old age. Complex innit really... and does it really matter? No harm in it truth told.

I've not got kids, always arsed about, married at 39 and happily so. Does continuing to buy cycling shirts count as a mid-life crisis?

a good point, but neither of my two examples in the op are of men recently relieved of mortgage and children, just showing very selfish behaviour. buying a harley when you've paid the house off and seen the kids off is not so much mid life crisis as enjoying the fruits of your labours.

 

[yello]

neither of my two examples in the op are of men recently relieved of mortgage and children, just showing very selfish behaviour.

They're not the "some blokes" that fit the cliché then I guess. I do think there is more to 'mid life crisis' than simply time and money, complex motivations at play I suspect. Perhaps 'time and money' only make it easier to indulge?

buying a harley when you've paid the house off and seen the kids off is not so much mid life crisis as enjoying the fruits of your labours.

Agreed. And if there's only you in the equation then selfish doesn't come into it!

 

[Bigtallfatbloke]

I am slap bang in the middle of mine and I make no excuses for it...I worked my nuts off to get it and I am going to enjoy it while the world suffers because of it.

Cycle touring is my way of dealing with it...it's my new ferrari, my young blonde etc....I even used to think it was a cheaper option until I walked into a certain LBS!!

I see it like this...I ain't getting any younger and there are things I know I will never be able to do if I dont do them now.

 

[arranandy]

I'm 40 later this year but no sign of a mid-life crisis yet. However I could see my mid-life crisis being a fling with a younger woman

The wife would laugh if she read this

 

[Paulus]

I'm 40 later this year but no sign of a mid-life crisis yet. However I could see my mid-life crisis being a fling with a younger woman

The wife would laugh if she read this

You hope that she will laugh

 

[Fab Foodie]

I think there is an element of spending the first part of your life doing the family, house, university, etc. (delete as appropriate) thing and then at a certain age you think life doesn't have to be about conformity. Life's too short and all that. Why not be illogical? Uncharacteristic behaviour ditto. I think rather than a sign of crisis that this can be a sign of someone who has come to terms with their mortality and is comfortable with their (illogical/uncharacteristic) decisions and doesn't feel the need to justify or explain them anymore.

Maybe.

This is pretty much the case for me.
I spent the first 40 years of my life striving to achieve the whole nice job/house/car/family stuff, I was very driven, I worked-hard, played-hard, smoked-hard, drank hard and slept too little, lived on nervous even manic energy... I was indistructable... until that little heart artery blocked.
So at about 42 mortality hit me between the eyes and I wondred what it was all about. I became depressed, lost my job and had a near breakdown. Good drugs, good therapist and good family all helped... and then by magic a great job came along too. Not as "high-flying" as I had formerly done, a step backwards in fact but enough to restore my confidence. And now my mid-life crisis is waning. I'd got my priorities wrong, I'd luckily got a warning, I needed to change my views
I can't take my health for granted any more, but I can live life being appreciative of what I have. I also no longer tolerate stuff that does not fit with having a good day. At work I can rise above the petty back-biting and political crap, it's of no importance. I don't care if I'm the slowest on the club training run, I'm happy to be riding at all, I'm constantly amazed my family still like me sometimes.

Somehow a mid-life crisis is like a big storm, you need to go through it to clear the crap from the air, to wash the streets clean, to let the sun shine through, to be at peace with yourself and the world around you. If the great Biochemist in the sky decides that tomorrow is my last day, then so be it... if not I'm gonna grow old disgracefully until he does!

 

[Abitrary]

I had a 'mid-piss' crisis the other day after too much beer, and deciding to nip to the loo before the final 'The Apprentice' result.

I could hear alan sugar procrastinating... got stressed... but decided to see out the wee. That's about the 3rd year in a row I've missed the result because of something similar.

 

[yello]

I see it like this...I ain't getting any younger and there are things I know I will never be able to do if I dont do them now.

Yep, reckon that's as close to spot-on as to make bugger all difference.

I think there's a tendency for some people to have a little laugh at the 'mid-life crisis'. They think it's a silly phase. I don't understand that. You can do whatever you frickin' well like and to hell what others think. (Family needs aside, when a balanced approach is required). Nah, we should all applaud when we see balding, tubby middle-aged men on bicycles... ( I think I've given rather too much away!)