Aint Skeered
New Member
Dear Friends
As we move closer to the end of another year I wanted to thank you for all the posts and emails over the past year.
I must send a big thank you to whoever posted the one about rat shoot in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can & bottle I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl who is about to die in hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
But that will change once I receive the £15,000 that Bill Gates and Microsoft are sending me for participating in their special email programs,
Or :
From the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split seven million dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.
Also, I need no longer worry about my soul because apparently, I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
But, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to seven friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I can no longer buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with a food sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan .
If you don't send this as an email to at least 144,000 people in the next 10 minutes, a large pelican with an acute case of diarrhoea will sit on your head and fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a most unsightly hairy hump.
I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's plumber - and it was on "Good Morning Australia".
By the way..... did you know that a South American scientist has, after a lengthy study, discovered that people with low IQ's, who don't have enough sex, always read their emails while holding the mouse.
- - - - - - - - - - -Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
As we move closer to the end of another year I wanted to thank you for all the posts and emails over the past year.
I must send a big thank you to whoever posted the one about rat shoot in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can & bottle I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl who is about to die in hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
But that will change once I receive the £15,000 that Bill Gates and Microsoft are sending me for participating in their special email programs,
Or :
From the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split seven million dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.
Also, I need no longer worry about my soul because apparently, I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
But, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to seven friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I can no longer buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with a food sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan .
If you don't send this as an email to at least 144,000 people in the next 10 minutes, a large pelican with an acute case of diarrhoea will sit on your head and fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a most unsightly hairy hump.
I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's plumber - and it was on "Good Morning Australia".
By the way..... did you know that a South American scientist has, after a lengthy study, discovered that people with low IQ's, who don't have enough sex, always read their emails while holding the mouse.
- - - - - - - - - - -Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
