Jokes for the Jocks

[papercorn2000]

'Atsahertsyachoob!

 

[graham56]

helpmaboabshug

 

[Tetedelacourse]

I heard 2 colleagues talking about lunch one day. One to get the other a roll from the canteen. Went something like this, perfectly serious on both parts:

Iain: Whit ye eftir?
Jim: eh, get ays a roll n cheese ur suhit.
Iain: Cheese an ingin?
Jim: nah ah dinnae want tae pure reek aw day. Get ays cheese an tomoatae.
Iain: nae borrs.

Tomoatae killed me.

 

[Mr Celine]

Quine to the assistant in an Aberdeen shoe shop.

"Fit fit fits fit fit?"

 

[Noodley]

I posted this one a few weeks ago but it fits the thread so:

Did you hear about the lonely Scottish prisoner?
He was in his cell.

 

[sloe]

Quine to the assistant in an Aberdeen shoe shop.

"Fit fit fits fit fit?"

No no, it's

Assistant to loon with different sized feet:

"Noo ma loon, fit fit fits fit fit first?"

 

[snorri]

July my boy, July.

The Glasgow folk have their holiday in the wettest month of the year in Scotland and every year they complain that it rains a lot during the Fare.
Maybe it will sink in eventually.

 

[k-dog]

Tomoatae killed me.

yeah, words that are actually harder to say than the 'proper' pronunciation are amusing - I can understand contractions and colloquialisms - but that is just silly.

 

[Landslide]

'Whit culur is Hibs strip by the way? A cannae remembur.

'Maroon?

Cheers! I'll hae a pint ae heavy!

Surely you should be asking after Hearts?