It's Official: Northeners Smell of shoot!

[Dayvo]

I remeber a story (but not its origin) of some English guys having a piss in a toilet in Germany. They go to walk out the door without washing their hands and a German guy calls out to them

'In Germany, we are taught to wash out hands'

To which one of the English guys responds

'In England, we're taught not to piss on them'

Slightly (completely, actually) off topic: my brother was in the RAF and based in Holland. One of his workmates (from Manchester) was in a big supermarket just over the border in Germany. His young children were misbehaving so he slapped them.
A shocked middle-aged German couple said 'In Germany ve don't hit our children!'
The bloke, without batting an eye, said 'Right, and in England we don't gas our Jews'!

 

[Niall Estick]

How do they get faecal matter on their hands if they don't wash their hands after taking a piss.

Are they all gaybos or is taking it up the wrong 'un more prevalent oop North?

 

[Rolling Thunder]

do more people use the bus in the north of England? Maybe it's just accumulated on the hand rails of the buses and when someone touches the rails it gets on your hand.

 

[ufkacbln]

I love the total and utter bad research here and the way it has been hijacked to knock public transport - thus missing the pointtotally.

The fact is that they have taken a sample of people who were on Public Transport - whatthey have proved is that these poeple have a hygeine problem.

One wonders if you would have had the same results if you had taken the samples in a car park or motorway services, and if so would we have been suggesting in such a loud voice that driving (or being a passenger) in a car has a risk?

If we were to use this in a supportive way and not simply as anti public transport propoganda then we could perhaps see the risks the public represents in health care environments, cafes, shops etc.

 

[andy_wrx]

If we were to use this in a supportive way and not simply as anti public transport propoganda then we could perhaps see the risks the public represents in health care environments, cafes, shops etc.

Do you mean 'represents', or 'is exposed to' ?

I guess there would be far less risk if there were no people allowed into these public locations, but that might defeat their purpose somewhat...


(I agree the rest of your point though, it is completely lazy-arse b0ll0cks reporting of the worst kind)

 

[ufkacbln]

Represents is exactly what I meant....

These are the people entering your GPs Surgery or Hospital. A real health risk to vulnerable patients.

No matter how good the staff are at hand-washing - you only need one unwashed family member or visitor!

 

[Fab Foodie]

My entirely unscientific observations of toilet habits indicate that most men everywhere do not wash their hands after taking a piss. I don't understand this at all...

Me neither


The fact is that whether it's the peanuts on the bar, the fruit in the supermarket, or the grab-strap on the bus we are all being contaminated with others faecal matter simply 'cos they can't be arsed to wash their hands.

Yes urine is effectively sterile, but the penis or underpants are not, so urine can become contaminated by faecal matter, but the risk is low.

Whilst our bodies are adapted to deal with low levels of faecal matter, there are certain strains of faecal pathogens that can cause severe illness at low levels.


Beggars belief really.

 

[Fnaar]

From FabFoodie above ^^ (can't be arsed to wash their hands )

Given that there are some obsessive people in this world, including compulsive hand-washers, for example, this means that in order to balance things out a bit, some folk must actually be carrying their poo about by the handful

 

[Mortiroloboy]

OK, hands up if you're a bloke, live in Newcastle, use public transport and, don't wash your hands after using the toilet. <Gags> On second thoughts put your hands down, you dirty f*cker.

 

[Tetedelacourse]

Doesn't all this have to be weighed up against the quality of the water in which people are expected to wash their hands? I remember hearing someone say there were less germs on his parsnip than in the pub's tap water, hence he no washy his handies.

 

[Funtboy]

I feel qualified to opine on this one, being a born-and-bred geordie who now lives in London. The traces that are being found on trains in the North East are not faecal matter, merely pure essence of 'hardness' that southern softy sampling equipment is not calibrated to measure correctly. This essence, sometimes called 'nailocity' is generated by sustained undertaking of geet hard things like punching walls, drinking petrol, walking to the North Pole in your undercrackers, etc. It's molecular make-up is so alien to anyone south of Hull that it short-circuits the equipment, which then get embarrassed and claims that all Northerners smell of shoot. Very spiteful if you ask me.

In contrast, when commuting in London, you are legally obliged to wear perfume and knickers no matter what sex you are. If caught not smelling of violets, you will be forcibly ejected from the train and marched to the nearest Body Shop (branches of which have replaced all police stations). Boris Johnson has also put forward a pledge to crack down on commuters who don't actively skip to and from their local station.

So there you have; It's just faulty equipment!

 

[red_tom]

I wonder if some of you guys have a set of tongs in the loo like Edward from the league of gentlemen.

 

[rich p]

I was in a traditional pub toilet at the weekend which should have had a sign up saying, "NOW WASH YOUR FEET"

 

[Tetedelacourse]

I'm confused Rich. Images of My Left Foot spring to mind. As Paul Daniels used to say to Debbie though, 10/10 for flexibility.

Funtboy that is indeed the only explanation that makes any sense. Does this essence smell of shoot though? If so, the assertion stands I suppose.

 

[Slowgrind]

Your shoot and you know you are!