Help !!!!!

[TVC]

Nothing useful to add Elmer, just my virtual support and sympathy. You will find the strength to beat this.

Jim

 

[Jacomus-rides-Gen]

If out, Guinness, if in t' house, Carling and maybe a sniffter of voddy 'n coke, nothing major. But I start and cannot stop AAAaaaaargh !!

Can't even remember the last time I woke up feeling pished, that's how regular it's getting.

As a couple of the old C+ lot may remember, I am a recovering cutter, and have times when I plunge into depression and it starts with just one tiny little cut and can run to an armful, or more and has ended with me waking up in hospital before.

I know our situations are not that similar, but sometimes the only thing stopping me picking up that razorblade is the thought of my my gf's face when she saw fresh cuts for the first time. The pain and anguish I saw in her eyes can bring me to tears now if I think about it hard, I love her so much and I have to be so low to cut to get over what it will do to her.

What you do affects those you love and who love you - I can't stop myself cutting for myself, but can for her.

I can't offer any more than a non-judgemental ear, you are welcome to PM me anytime if you wish, I hope you can find a way to beat this.

Never give up.

 

[laurence]

Yes - I'll echo all the good comments on here. I'm as ordinary as the next but here is a little 'club' on the net when one can feel welcome - often as not by laurence, or yourself Elmer.

Tiny parts of this forum may help us all deal with stuff now and again, so;

No dud, just Fudd
And no intolerance -
just laurence.

(and post the photos laurence!)

all my pics end up here... www.flickr.com/laurencea as i have no hard drive space to store them anywhere else - or even photoshop them, not that i would.

hmmm, interesting Jaco, i haven't shaved for a bit because i'm not sure i can trust myself with a blade.

L

 

[Elmer Fudd]

hmmm, interesting Jaco, i haven't shaved for a bit because i'm not sure i can trust myself with a blade.

L

Well, look on the bright side, I've (nearly) still got a sense of humour !!

 

[Gromit]

Hiya Elmer I know where your coming from, was given an appointment with the NHS mental health crisis team, apparently they have them in every A&E, you just have to go in and someone will see you. Felt a bit strange because I don't have a physical illness, but they are there to help. They visit you everyday and call you in the evenings to make sure your OK. You don't have to go it alone.

 

[buggi]

Elmer. i think at some time life gets bad for everyone. i once reached a point where i was driving down the motorway wishing a lorry would come over the central barrier and crush my car. Why?

.... because i didn't want to commit suicide because i knew it would destroy my mum... so the lorry seemed a better option (like me getting run over by a lorry wouldn't destroy my mum..??).

i'm not even sure i wanted to die to be honest. what i wanted was to not have to wake up and think about the thing that was making me depressed everyday. i needed a break from it. when i got to work, tears streaming down my face, i rang the doctor and booked an appointment.

when i saw the doctor and she asked what was wrong, i said "i think today i was one step away from committing suicide" and explained what happened and the reason behind it. it was something i had bottled up for years and she was very supportive.

i think the most important thing, is recognising how bad things are becoming before they get so bad that you can't turn back. which i think is something you may have done already.

what you need to do first of all is work out if its the depression that's making you turn to drink or the drink that's making you depressed, then deal with the problem, because one won't go away if you don't sort the other.

if it's the drink causing the depression, that's the problem you have to deal with.

if its the depression that's making you turn to drink, then you have to work out if it is like manic depression (a chemical imbalance in the brain) or reactive depression (a reaction to a situation that happened)... and that way you can put yourself on the right track to recovery. manic depression is a medical condition that can be controlled by drugs, whereas reactive depression is normally helped by short term anti-depressants and counselling.

and get on the bike.... i once read in Lance's book something about someone asking him what pleasure he got from riding. he said he didn't do it for the pleasure, but for the pain. i can totally relate to that. when it gets bad i find the only place i can't cry is on the bike. the physical pain takes away the emotional pain.

 

[mickle]

Wow Buggi, ..'the only place you can't cry is on the bike'. Makes me want to cry!

 

[buggi]

Wow Buggi, ..'the only place you can't cry is on the bike'. Makes me want to cry!

i suppose that does sound strange but seriously, try it! it's physically impossible! and if you can... you're not pedalling hard enough!

i split with my fella two months ago. i cried all the time, except when on my bike. the tears wouldn't come out, because the pain in my heart became physical not mental.

depression is anger without the enthusiasm! take that anger out on the bike!

 

[Elmer Fudd]

Thanks buggi ( and everyone else)
About 6yrs ago, a cop car passed me (P.C. Brian Moore, got killed on a chase up the M6) whilst I was stationary, got a 3yr ban, but I had nearly (1 more can would have done it) prepped myself to jump off that bridge.
Why oh Why oh Why do we (I) think like that ???

 

[Elmer Fudd]

depression is anger without the enthusiasm!

Can I use that phrase Buggi ? Hope you haven't patented it !!

 

[yenrod]

Ive a mate who had mental situations,..and he's sorted them out now from what I know...see him occ.

If you aint already, see a mind expert thats what I'd try.

But, Elmer I'm reading and you can be assured I wouldnt want you this way and Im sure a good few others on here dont either so chill man, ok its easy me saying this..why not ring the samaritans they are good for things like this - Ive tried them before ! They are great ! As much as its difficult me being here and you being there..there are good people on here man, who like your input, and a lot hate mine ,

- So I'm reading (listening)!

 

[buggi]

because depression is a poorly brain and it doesn't work the same way a healthy brain does. next time you wanna jump off a bridge pick a bridge 20 miles from your house and cycle there. if you do that you will hopefully feel better when you get there and you'll come home.

 

[buggi]

Can I use that phrase Buggi ? Hope you haven't patented it !!

it's not my phrase, i copied it too, but it makes sense don't it? usually depression comes from a situation where you have not been allowed to express yourself and bottled up your feelings.

 

[laurence]

Depression can "just happen" though.

Reactive depression is usually a reaction to an event, endogenous depression can just happen though. It has no link to a cause, it just washes over you and you disappear into the morass of despair so many people have spoken of.

the dark pit... like storm clouds just bubbling up and enveloping you.

L

 

[buggi]

Depression can "just happen" though.

Reactive depression is usually a reaction to an event, endogenous depression can just happen though. It has no link to a cause, it just washes over you and you disappear into the morass of despair so many people have spoken of.

that's what i meant by manic depression. i didn't know the word for it. that's the one that needs drugs and longer term care. i think it's more worrying to have.