Handshakes

[mikeitup]

re

I remember an Eddie Izzard routine from one of his dvd's when he says that if people use the "bone crusher" handshake he screams and falls on the floor pretending to be dead. "Oh no, you killed Dave, he suffers from handsqueezydeath".

If people use "bone crushers" on me I usually do something like this:


View: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=WHUg7Pl3IBE

 

[Abitrary]

When I was younger, I used to give crushing handshakes to look honest and authentic, until I was saying goodbye to a bloke I used to work who I really liked and was a lot bigger than me, and my last memory of him was him shaking his hand and mouthing FFS.

I've found these days that it's the rhythm, length of time you hold the hand still after the initial oscillation and eye contact that matter.

 

[Abitrary]

I've had a good think about this and here are my conclusions:

-If someone gives you powerful handshake, it is more often than not because they think you are insecure and need comforting
-If someone gives you a wet flannel handshake, it is usually because they really do not like you, even at first glance

I haven't had either in years, and sometimes I just think I'm too good at it. A professional handshaker.

 

[Fnaar]

But we are not talking about a reasonably firm handshake, which anyone can do. We are talking about the rare, silly super crushing handshake which the victim is unprepared for given that most people adhere to the convention of the normal, firm handshake.

And as the super crusher is only administered to other men it is obvious that these people vary their handshake according to the recipient. How odd.

Firm handshake = fine
Wet lettuce handshake = horrible, go away now please, you annoy me
hand-crusher = what are you trying to prove, you div. You have a tiny penis.

 

[Dayvo]

Firm handshake = fine
Wet lettuce handshake = horrible, go away now please, you annoy me
hand-crusher = what are you trying to prove, you div. You have a tiny penis.

As long as they're not holding it when you're shaking hands!

 

[Mr Pig]

Like I say, I don't even want to touch you in the first place. I know how many guys do not wash their hands after they've been to the toilet. It's a lot! So you can take your manky paws and stick them as far as I'm concerned :0) Or further if you like.

Why can't we just bow like the Japs do?

 

[Aperitif]

If someone bowed at me just as I was about to give them a handshake, it's probable they would end up with a clip around the ear!

 

[MacB]

worst - limp shake from a sweaty/clammy hand, uggghhhh
next worst - bone crusher, happened to me once 5 days after I'd broken my right hand, I nearly decked the guy.
acceptable - anything in between

 

[Mr Pig]

Nuns, no sense of humour

No. Nun, because they get nun.

 

[Speicher]

Without wishing to be sexist in any way.

At the end of a formal but short meeting with a man recently, I may have made the mistake of assuming we would shake hands at the end. So I proffered my hand , he sort of looked at my hand and then immediately realised what he was expected to do, and shook hands.

Should I, as a female, have instigated this? or was I mistaken.

 

[Keith Oates]

I think that a male or female can instigate the hand shake farewell, don't see why not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Abitrary]

I think that a female is perfectly entitled to instigate a handshake farewell, but a man is equally entitled to place his hands on his hips and glower at her until she lowers her hand and head in shame.

 

[rich p]

I have a grip of iron but a tiny penis. The ladies wouldn't want to sleep with me and the bokes wouldn't want to arm wrestle me.

 

[Abitrary]

Simoncc would do both. He'd make a night of it, *and* give you give you a strange little indecipherable handshake upon parting in the morning.

 

[Speicher]

The man in question was a true gentleman. I am sorry Abitrary if you are not familiar with that genre, but glowering and shaming would not remotely be in this gentleman's repertoire. I venture to add, that I hope to meet him again.