Give me some dialogue from your day

[gbb]

Gawld I slept well last night .
I was so so deep in sleep when my wife tried to wake me about 8.30...she struggled to rouse me.
Later I mentioned how deep my sleep was...
'I know it took me a few minutes to wake you....I thought you were dead '
'Awww, did you nearly cry'... I replied.
Fast as ever, my wife retorted...
' No....I was beginning to wonder where the insurance paperwork was though'

 

[Sandra6]

Last night, outside the pub, I was talking to a friend when we became aware of two guys standing smiling at us - well me, actually.
We looked at each other for a while. They were clearly waiting for a response.
bloke 1 -hiya (said in a way as though he knew me already) you alright?
me -hi, yes, but I don't know you.
bloke 2 -Joanne.
me- I'm not Joanne
bloke 2 - Joanne??
me - I'm really not Joanne.
bloke 2 to bloke 1 -It's Joanne
me- nope, really not
bloke 2 - what about jo anne??
me - no, not her either.
Two of their mates come out bloke 1 says "is that Joanne?
They peer at me, look at each other and say "yup"
bloke 2 -Joanne!!!
me - Honestly, not Joanne.
all blokes - bye Joanne.

 

[Scoosh]

^ ^ ^ Good tale - thanks Joanne !

 

[colly]

Took my little grandson to the theatre (West Yorkshire Playhouse ) on Saturday afternoon to see 'Rudolf'. It's the first time he's been to a theater and I didn't know really how he would take to it. He's only 30 months after all. As we walked in and pressed through the crowds his eyes were wide and he was rubber necking like nobody's business. Walking down to the auditorium we had to go through a narrow corridor about 5' wide which was darkish and was decked out with tiny but brilliant blue lights all over the ceiling. A little plaintive voice piped up next to me .............''I really love this place''

I knew I was onto a winner.

It was a small auditorium with audience all round and we were sat just one row back from the front. It was just two guys 'telling' the story of Rudolf with one of them playing the part of Rudolf and wearing a red LED on his nose. Josh was asking where Rudolf was and I whispered ... ''that man is pretending to be Rudolf that's why he has a red nose''.........................................''That's not Rudolf....that's a silly man'' came the reply at JUST the moment when all other sound stopped.

It got the best laugh though.

 

[gbb]

There usually comes some responsibility with my job, if something breaks down you'd usually hang back to keep production running. Thankfully, it doesn't often happen.
Today, Boxing Day, I'm working and the only engineer on site. I remarked to a production colleague..
' I don't care if the whole site catches fire...at 3.30, I'm out of here, my hours will be done for the day'

 

[Tenacious Sloth]

Me to the wife talking about her Mother...

"If she invites herself again next year, I shall be fishing the Welsh Dee over Christmas"


Wife...

 

[Speicher]

Yesterday, in a kitchen with A. N. Other who was trying to reheat slices of Christmas pudding in the microwave oven.

Me: Be very careful with reheating something so full of fat and sugar, try 30 seconds to start with.

A. N. Other: 30 seconds later "It is not hot enough yet"

So back in the oven it went for another 30 seconds.

Me: (When the pudding slices were taken out the second time and I was standing three yards away). Crikey! I can hear that they are plenty hot enough now!

A. N. Other:

Me: I can hear them sizzling.

 

[marknotgeorge]

Me (to Mad Scientist): Why are you listening to Mozart?
MS: What?
Me: Why are you listening to Mozart?
MS: I'm not, I'm watching top 10 things that are better backwards. [or some such on YouTube].

Damn. Thought she was getting a bit of culture...

 

[greekonabike]

Me: The paths were busy today, it was like summer.
Dad: What's wrong with that?
Me: There were tons of kids on new bikes and scooters, they were all over the place and I nearly hit six in about 2 miles.
Dad: Why didn't you hit them?
Me : What do you mean?
Dad: You could have hit them.
Me: Umm yeah I know but I didn't.
Dad: Do you want something to eat?

GOAB

 

[Pro Tour Punditry]

Me (to sister-in-law): Remember to have a firm grip of your wine glass and don't just leave it lying on the table, or the cats will knock your glass over
Her: Yes, I know
Me: repeat the same message over and over

You can see where this is going

Me: you twat...here's the cloth

 

[Sandra6]

We were in Keswick earlier and I needed a wee. It's gone up to 40p!!! 40p!!!
Bizarrely that was exactly how much change I had in my pocket, but I didn't actually want to be parted from it.
Me to lady in front of me paying to go through the barrier "this better be a first class toilet experience for 40p"
lady smiled politely.
Me - sizing up the height of the barrier - "actually, is anyone watching?" Casually stretching my leg to see if I could step over - I couldn't.
Man outside pops his head round the door - I'm watching.
Me -assuming he is the lady's husband waiting - "you don't count" First attempt to hitch myself over the barrier didn't go any better
Man - Just don't stand on the bar, it'll set the alarm off.
me - Oh, you work here don't you?!
Man - seeming less creepy now - Nods.
me - ah, I should just pay then.
Man - it's ok. Just don't set the alarm off.
me - This will be awkard if I can't actually climb over. - third attempt is successful!!!!

 

[Katherine]

We were in Keswick earlier and I needed a wee. It's gone up to 40p!!! 40p!!!
Bizarrely that was exactly how much change I had in my pocket, but I didn't actually want to be parted from it.
Me to lady in front of me paying to go through the barrier "this better be a first class toilet experience for 40p"
lady smiled politely.
Me - sizing up the height of the barrier - "actually, is anyone watching?" Casually stretching my leg to see if I could step over - I couldn't.
Man outside pops his head round the door - I'm watching.
Me -assuming he is the lady's husband waiting - "you don't count" First attempt to hitch myself over the barrier didn't go any better
Man - Just don't stand on the bar, it'll set the alarm off.
me - Oh, you work here don't you?!
Man - seeming less creepy now - Nods.
me - ah, I should just pay then.
Man - it's ok. Just don't set the alarm off.
me - This will be awkard if I can't actually climb over. - third attempt is successful!!!!

Very impressed!

 

[swee'pea99]

Me (to sister-in-law): Remember to have a firm grip of your wine glass and don't just leave it lying on the table, or the cats will knock your glass over
Her: Yes, I know
Me: repeat the same message over and over

You can see where this is going

Me: you twat...here's the cloth

Have to say, my ideal relaxation environment probably wouldn't include the need to keep an iron grip on my drink at all times for fear of roaming wildlife...

 

[Pro Tour Punditry]

Have to say, my ideal relaxation environment probably wouldn't include the need to keep an iron grip on my drink at all times for fear of roaming wildlife...

It was of her own doing as she kept shouting on the cats who were quite happily fast asleep on the sofa

 

[gavgav]

A visit to the dentist today, for an appointment I've been waiting 6 weeks for, to replace a filling and piece of broken tooth.

Dentist puts the local anaesthetic into my gum and sits me up for 5 mins whilst it does its stuff.

Dentist-: How is that feeling. It should tingle and then go rubbery.

Me:- Well it's starting to tingle and numb, but doesn't feel that numb yet.

Dentist:- We'll give it a go, just shout if it hurts.

(Starts drilling)

Me:- aaagghhhh (as I almost hit the roof with pain)

Dentist:- that's a little sensitive still then!!

Me:- errr, YES!!

(Add's some more anaesthetic)

Dentist:- how does that feel now.

Me:- not a whole lot different, maybe a bit number.

Dentist:- we've got the majority out, just a little more to go and so we'll give it another try.

(Starts drilling)

Me:- ok for a few seconds and then aaggghhh as he hits the sensitive spot again!!

Dentist:- That's done now, just the amalgam to go in.

Me:-