Getting rather annoyed

[r04DiE]

This is a very sad state of affairs discussing private family affairs on the internet instead of dealing with it at home first, it needs sorting out before it gets any worse...

What does it matter who he discusses it with? I think most people would genuinely like to help as far as they can, and sometimes it's much easier to talk through with a third party before you tackle it at source.

 

[EltonFrog]

What does it matter who he discusses it with? I think most people would genuinely like to help as far as they can, and sometimes it's much easier to talk through with a third party before you tackle it at source.

I disagree.

 

[r04DiE]

I disagree.

Why?

 

[EltonFrog]

Why?

Ranting with strangers on the Internet about family is not, in my opinion going to help with what appears a very serious breakdown in communication with two people, the op needs to spending his time and energy on dealing with his problem directly with his wife.

It's possible that you may disagree, that is a matter for you, having stated my opinion on the matter I will not engage further.

I wish him and his wife the very best and I sincerely hope that they can sort out their differences

 

[r04DiE]

Ranting with strangers on the Internet about family is not, in my opinion going to help with what appears a very serious breakdown in communication with two people, the op needs to spending his time and energy on dealing with his problem directly with his wife

Well, that's your opinion and you are welcome to it. But bear in mind, what works for you mightn't work for everyone and you can't possibly know what these two people are going through, or what action might help them best.

It's possible that you may disagree, that is a matter for you, having stated my opinion on the matter I will not engage further

Groovy. That's the best thing to do on a forum; refuse to engage.

I wish him and his wife the very best and I sincerely hope that they can sort out their differences

Good for you.

 

[cyberknight]

I bet she see 's it different to you. I love doing things to please my wife and when the kids were young I would rather spend time with them if they wanted me to rather than go out on the bike. Because of those times the wife suggests I go out on the bike and she even buys them for me as surprise presents.

It is a shame if after being apart all day she prefers the soaps to being with you.

When did you last buy her flowers.

Last bought her flowers twice in the last 6 months , i spend all other times with wife and kids ,i make a point of it .
Went out for our anniversary couple of weeks ago
Get home from work and even before i have had a shower / food im spending time with them asking how they are / playing/ helping with homework etc .
Saturday i take the kids swimming , play with them
Today too the whole family to a fair including MIL,, played games, did a bit of educatinl stuff like shoe lace tying , learning to tell the time etc .
Wife never buys anything bike related , i only get scorn about when she was a kid her bikes lasted years ......

 

[cyberknight]

Ranting with strangers on the Internet about family is not, in my opinion going to help with what appears a very serious breakdown in communication with two people, the op needs to spending his time and energy on dealing with his problem directly with his wife.

It's possible that you may disagree, that is a matter for you, having stated my opinion on the matter I will not engage further.

I wish him and his wife the very best and I sincerely hope that they can sort out their differences

Unfortunately due to the fact that i had a family tragedy when i was young i found it hard to socially interact and i dont get football so i havent had any friends for about 35 years .I interact with people well enough but no mates.

 

[r04DiE]

Well, I think you need to sit down and tell your wife how you feel. I think you need to do this in a way that demonstrates that you are miserable, for yourself, and for what has become of your relationship. Replace any anger you have with sadness at it all. I think that you need to ask her to listen and you also need to offer to listen to her. I'm no expert, but you can bet your bottom dollar that she also feels hurt, or dissatissfied with life, you need to be there for her, and you need to let her know that.

I might have this all wrong. You might look at what I've written and think that I am out of order; commenting on your life and making assumptions about what you should do, and how your wife feels. That's fair enough, and you can tell me its none of my business if you like. I won't get offended.

Anyway, I hope you can sort things out; its not easy mate but I look at what you've written about seeing to the kids before you've even had a shower and teaching shoelaces, the time and doing the weekly swim and I stand you against blokes that haven't seen their kids in years and cheat on their wives and all the rest of it. You seem like a nice enough bloke to me and we all have our demons, but that doesn't make you a bad person.

I hope you work it out, the both of you.

 

[Pat "5mph"]

Unfortunately due to the fact that i had a family tragedy when i was young i found it hard to socially interact and i dont get football so i havent had any friends for about 35 years .I interact with people well enough but no mates.

Strange how stuff you read sticks in mind after years: I remember one of the first post I read on this forum was one of yours, saying it was your birthday, you came home tired from work, there was no presents or card for you, just a frozen dinner.
That must have been about 5 years ago!
It made me very sad, even though I'm not normally a sympathetic person: I lack life experience to be of any help, but wish you all the best, maybe a relationship adviser could help?

 

[screenman]

Last bought her flowers twice in the last 6 months , i spend all other times with wife and kids ,i make a point of it .
Went out for our anniversary couple of weeks ago
Get home from work and even before i have had a shower / food im spending time with them asking how they are / playing/ helping with homework etc .
Saturday i take the kids swimming , play with them
Today too the whole family to a fair including MIL,, played games, did a bit of educatinl stuff like shoe lace tying , learning to tell the time etc .
Wife never buys anything bike related , i only get scorn about when she was a kid her bikes lasted years ......

You are it seems certainly doing your part, that is good. I would suggest going out whilst she is still in bed, maybe just for an hour or two, hopefully she will get used to it and accept it.

I certainly wish you all the best, although it sounds really sad that she does not seem to want to make you happy.

 

[kiriyama]

Iv got a very difficult family life at the moment. Weekend riding is completely off the cards! Unless I'm sent out of an errand!

Luckily I have a nice commute that I can extend up to an hour on the way home. 2-3 hours on a Wednesdays.

Family comes first although it can be frustrating not getting out. And seeing your friends go out on 200km rides on their cycling holidays in France!

My other half didn't really get my cycling until I had a proper chat with her about how it's the only time I get to have a bit of me time and clear my head. She now only gets cross if I turn up home 2-3 hours later than I said I'd be home! Which is fair enough, it's all about finding a balance.

Set yourself a realistic weekly target and try and hit it with your commutes (if you can/if you live somewhere nice enough) if your worried about fitness but are low on time, try going for the occasional run. It's quicker (can get the same work out in less tine) and really helps your cycling fitness (has for me anyway)

 

[cyberknight]

You are it seems certainly doing your part, that is good. I would suggest going out whilst she is still in bed, maybe just for an hour or two, hopefully she will get used to it and accept it.

I certainly wish you all the best, although it sounds really sad that she does not seem to want to make you happy.

Cant as aforementioned kids .

 

[screenman]

She is in the house with them though.

 

[mustang1]

I reckon it's a guilt thing.

 

[bikingdad90]

I am in a similar situation as you and I cannot go out just for a ride on evenings or weekends.

I have compromised with commutting to save money and a couple of sportive events each year. I preagree the dates well in advance with my wife and just deal with the constraints, usually by spending time with the kids, cooking, washing up, cleaning, hoovering etc. Basically I share the load in the house as it is exhausting looking after children for long periods of time on your own, they have so much energy!