gaydar

[Chrisz]

Recently a fine upstanding family man I know through work came out to his wife and two teenage kids.

A.K.A. a 'beard'!! Something gay men affect to make them look straight.

 

[Twenty Inch]

There are a lot of men who act straight, have straight lifestyles i.e. wife and kids, would never identify as gay, yet are not averse to picking up a rent-boy here and there. Big public health issue, esp. for HIV/AIDS, because if you target your messages at the openly out and gay community, you can miss these men.

That's in the UK. Elsewhere in the world it gets more complicated e.g. Indian truckers who keep a cabin boy to make tea and to bugger on long runs, but are not "gay".

So don't worry Arbers, I'm sure you'd ring someone's bells, or balls, somewhere.

 

[Noodley]

How do you act gay?

I've missed that one?

Kick boxing and cycling usually swing it for me

 

[cookiemonster]

 

[Mr Pig]

Actually, the friend at school wasn't really camp, he was just quite effeminate. Big difference. Effeminate is usually fine, camp is often a pain in the.... neck! ;0)

I remember a few years ago my wife and I were in a cafe in Fort William and they totally screwed up our lunch order, ended up that my wife got her lunch and I got nothing! The manager was a big tall gay lord who was camp as you get, flouncing all over the place. When he came over to tell us about the mix up with our food he was really dismissive and disinterested to the point of being rude. We didn't get an apology or any offer of money off or anything. I had to sit and watch my wife eat her lunch then I bought chips later. In hindsight we should have walked out but you know how it is, we'd waited for the food and I didn't want to make my wife wait even longer.

I was telling this story to a friend who has a gay son and he took offence and accused me of being homophobic. But the truth is that I didn't dislike the guy because he was gay, I disliked him because he was an obnoxious wan***!! He was using his 'gayness' as an excuse to be as self centred as he liked and I'm sure that he would brand anyone who didn't like him as homophobic. That pisses me off.

 

[Kovu]

I have a gay mate who is the most fun you would ever know! But he is more fun, because he turns straight when he gets drunk and it is hilarious!

 

[Smokin Joe]

Acting in a slightly camp manner and being "One of the girls" is a sure fire way of pulling women, loads seem to go for guys like that.

 

[Night Train]

Being gay doesn't always mean acting camp. Acting camp doesn't always mean being gay. A man who picks up rent boys isn't always gay either.

I'm not gay but I also have no problem in saying if a man is attractive or 'fit'. Doesn't mean I am interested in him in that way, just aware of what he looks like. Equally I look at most of the images of the women that are posted in the lycra thread and think 'Nah, not my type'.

 

[Kovu]

Acting in a slightly camp manner and being "One of the girls" is a sure fire way of pulling women, loads seem to go for guys like that.

I have another mate whose whole chatting up thing is based on that principle.

 

[Night Train]

I have another mate whose whole chatting up thing is based on that principle.

It has worked for me in the past but it only goes as far as the chatting up, after that it stops working as one has to either continue being camp or not.

 

[papercorn2000]

A.K.A. a 'beard'!! Something gay men affect to make them look straight.

What, like Freddie Mercury?

 

[Will1985]

I've been chatted up by males and females of both orientations. The lesbian was pretty obvious and said she would have been more forward if her girlfriend wasn't next to her (to be fair, American girls can't resist the sound of a British voice!); but then with the gay man and straight girl I thought they were just being friendly and chatting until friends pointed out otherwise...

 

[barq]

Slightly off subject but linked - why do Gay men often act Gay? Do they go to Gay lessons at evening class? There seems to be a camp cleche that some gay people seem to copy. Why?

You could ask the same question about heterosexual masculinity. Straight men can also be very clichéd.

Anyway if you want a really heavy read try Judith Butler. She writes lots about the performance of gender/sexual identity.

 

[Mr Pig]

Acting in a slightly camp manner and being "One of the girls" is a sure fire way of pulling women, loads seem to go for guys like that.

Yes, they do. I used to do that. Not act camp but dress in REALLY bright cloths, wear pink, broaches, that sort of thing. The effect on girls was quite epic :0) Other guys hated you though, which I thought was really funny ;0) I look like Don Johnston, you all look like the same dummy in Burtons, I win :0)

I would imagine that women would feel safe with a gay man, and maybe just safe-er with a man who was in touch with feminine things? Certainly a lot of gay men are just plain nice people. Whatever, I'm very straight and always have been but the whole macho thing bores me. Not that it's relevant now that I'm old, ugly and married! ;0)

 

[DJ]

Just because people are looking at you , it does'nt mean they think you look good!