Excellent Put downs of the rich and famous

[LLB]

Just dug up some which I thought I'd share

Beg forgiveness for those who have already seen them

Pamela Lee said her name is tattooed on her husband's penis. Which explains why she changed her name from Anderson to Lee.
- - - Conan O'Brien (about Tommy Lee)

He plays four-and-a-half-hour sets. That's torture. Does he hate his audience?
- - - John Lydon (about Bruce Springsteen)

He sounds like he's got a brick dangling from his willy, and a food-mixer making purée of his tonsils.
- - - Paul Lester (about Jon Bon Jovi)


Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.
- - - Joan Rivers

Michael Jackson was a poor black boy who grew up to be a rich white woman.
- - - Molly Ivins

Michael Jackson's album was only called "Bad" because there wasn't enough room on the sleeve for "Pathetic."
- - - The Artist Formerly Known as Prince (about Michael Jackson)

Fame has sent a number of celebrities off the deep end, and in the case of Michael Jackson, to the kiddy pool.
- - - Bill Maher (about Michael Jackson, 1994)

If I were married to you, I'd put poison in your coffee.
- - - Lady Astor (to Winston Churchill)
If you were my wife, I'd drink it.
- - - Winston Churchill, in reply

You will either die on the gallows or of a loathsome disease.
- - - John Montague (to John Wilkes)
That depends on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.
- - - John Wilkes, in reply

 

[longers]

I like the last two

 

[TwickenhamCyclist]

My favourite put down ever was to someone I giess was rich (but not famous) – excuses if I’ve posted this before, but I don’t think I have.

Was having a drink at my beautiful riverside local (White Swan, Twickenham for those who care).

It’s on a quiet road with a beer garden – on busy summer days there can be hundreds of people outside, on both sides of, and indeed in, the road – you get a few cars an hour down there .

We were there one lovely summer’s afternoon when a car purred up – I couldn’t tell you what make it was – but it looked really expensive, the doors opened upwards – must have been 100k’s worth of car. As it stopped, right outside the pub, the whole street had gone quiet and was looking over – half expecting Posh and Becks to get out. All very ostentatious.

The doors opened and a pretty non descript couple got out. As they walked towards the pub, the silence was broken by a rather loud heckle from an Australian standing close to us: “F***ing Hell – You’d think he could pull a better looking bird than that!”

 

[Rhythm Thief]

 

[Dayvo]

Here's a list of some good ones!

http://www.put-downs.com/

 

[surfgurl]

My Father in Law was being presented to the Royal Family of some Middle Eastern country. The King turned to him and said "And who are you" FIL replied, "I am the Grand Poohbar."

 

[Mr Pig]

the silence was broken by a rather loud heckle from an Australian ...”

I love Australians. They say what the think with no regard to political correctness. They run their country that way too, we could learn a lot from them.

I think Johnny Rotten putting anyone down is funny in itself. Being an obnoxious big mouth is about all he's ever done!

 

[Dayvo]

I love Australians. They say what the think with no regard to political correctness. They run their country that way too, we could learn a lot from them.

Seconded! They're my second favourite people!

 

[Mr Pig]

They're my second favourite people!

Who are the first?

 

[Yellow Fang]

A bunch of lads amused me once when some bloke in a really expensive sports car cruised by. They all clapped him.

 

[Dayvo]

Who are the first?

It'sh the peeple frum HhoLLand, of coursh!

 

[magnatom]

It'sh the peeple frum HhoLLand, of coursh!

So where do the Scots come in this list of favourites? (the fate of a warm bed and a roof over your head, depends on your answer to this question...)

 

[Dayvo]

So where do the Scots come in this list of favourites? (the fate of a warm bed and a roof over your head, depends on your answer to this question...)

Er, funnily enough, I've got a LOT of Scottish friends - but they are ALL ex-pats! Don't know ANY proper home-based domestic ones!

I'll answer properly (and honestly ) when I return to Norway after the 'Pedal for Scotland' weekend (assuming I survive two nights of binge drinking having a few beers!)

 

[ufkacbln]

This may be a myth or simply an apocryphal story..

A particularly pompous actress wanted to jump the queue after a delay in flights.

She asked to be given a seat even if it meant putting someone else off. The clerk was not helpful so the immortal line was uttered:

"Do you know who I am?"

The clerk replied "Yes" and continued with whatthey were doing.

That is a put down!

 

[LLB]

This may be a myth or simply an apocryphal story..

A particularly pompous actress wanted to jump the queue after a delay in flights.

She asked to be given a seat even if it meant putting someone else off. The clerk was not helpful so the immortal line was uttered:

"Do you know who I am?"

The clerk replied "Yes" and continued with whatthey were doing.

That is a put down!

Joan Collins ?