ON YER BIKE
• Protects bicycle chain
*From what? Fricking space aliens?
• Cleans bike chains
*So does vodka.
• Lubricates and protects unicycle seat post
*Who 'lubricates' the seat post of their unicycle and why?
• Protects bike frame from salt water corrosion
*No that's paint that is.
• Cleans rust off sprockets
*Wow it removes rust! Not. Really not.
• Drives moisture from bicycle gear shifting cables
*Woopee do. So does proper lube.
• Drives moisture from bicycle chains after washing
*Yes it does. It drives lube from chains after lubing too.
• Drives moisture from bicycle bearings
*Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Spray WD40 into your bearings and watch them die!
• Drives moisture from tyre air nozzles after washing
*Great. I hate having moisture in my 'tyre air nozzles'.
• Removes unwanted decals from bicycle frames
*True. Very good at this indeed. Easier to avoid sticking unwanted stickers on in the first place though....
• Loosens swivel on bicycle handlebars
*WTF is a 'swivel'? There is no swivel on any of the 750 bikes which I am responsible for nor any of the thousands of bikes I have encountered.
• Prevents rust on bicycle spokes
*Possibly. If you're getting rusty spokes you're riding a shitter, buy a new bike with stainless spokes.
• Prevents rust on bicycle brake threads
*Brake 'threads'?
• Prevents rust on bicycle frame
*Didn't we do this already?
• Prevents rust on bicycle brake cables
*Just like oil. Except worse.
• Lubricates bicycle shocks
*Ha ha ha. The day I spray that shoot anywhere near my Black Box SID World Cups is the day I wibble wibble hatstand gurn