CycleChat's cycling twonk of the year

[Squid lips]

Remembered a rather painful experience from the early 80's .I was riding my dads Puch racer fitted with a dynamo light system with a dodgy wire on rear light ,so had to keep stopping to wiggle the wire , after doing it several times got sick of stopping to sort it out .So brain of Britain here reached round and looked back to fix it again ,looked up just in time for my face to have an intimate moment with the boot of an Austin maxi ,cue squashed nose and two chipped teeth

 

[Jon George]

So brain of Britain here reached round and looked back to fix it again

I think this deserves a Mention in Dispatches.

 

[LesPaulStd91]

mid-80s in my early teens cycling to work, summer job, with my Wellingtons in a plastic bag dangling off the drop handlebars on one side. When riding upp a small hill, thankfully as it slowed me down, the toes of the boots dangled inbetween the spokes of my front wheel and hit the fork from behind resulting in a somersault across the handlebars.

and then, fairly recently, noticed, while riding, that the rubber casing around my left STI-lever had been pushed forward and the fit wasn't snug anymore and at the time it seemed a good idea to try and pull it back (doing 20-25 km/h); not entirely sure how I avoided crashing that time.

 

[Black Country Ste]

I offer a clipless fail from Monday night. After switching on my good light I noticed the beginnings of a spider web in my cables. Slowing down to look for the culprit but not quite stopping I unclipped my right foot to put it down. My bars lurched to the left. Timber.

Oh look. There's video. [NSFW - language]

 

[Matthames]

That beast of a hill on the way up out of Chepstow nearly did for me, but I got up it in one go for the very first time. A hundred yards or so later, still a couple of miles short of the bridge, I pulled up and asked a passing old lady for directions to Alveston. She thought for a moment and said "Isn't that in England? Shouldn't you be going over the bridge first?"

This reminds me of the time I was staying at a campsite near Chepstow. This campsite was up the top of the hill which was on the way to Coleford. I rode the 5 miles down hill to Chepstow to get some food supplies; however for some reason I had left both my wallet and keys for my lock back in my tent, so had to cycle back up the hill to get both my keys and wallet and cycle back down to Chepstow.

 

[Jon George]

Oh look. There's video

What makes this for me is - in between the what-swearing-was-invented-for response to the act of twonkness - is the plaintive 'Ow!'.

 

[Ganymede]

I offer a clipless fail from Monday night. After switching on my good light I noticed the beginnings of a spider web in my cables. Slowing down to look for the culprit but not quite stopping I unclipped my right foot to put it down. My bars lurched to the left. Timber.

Oh look. There's video. [NSFW - language]

I felt I got to know you quite well watching that. Bless your heart and soul!

 

[Glow worm]

I replaced my gear shift levers and cables the other day.

Once completed, I decided a section of cable housing of the rear cable was slightly too long, so I removed it and cut it. Only then did I realise I'd managed to cut it with the new gear cable still inside it.!

 

[glasgowcyclist]

...,looked up just in time for my face to have an intimate moment with the boot of an Austin maxi ,...

That certainly explains the screen name...

GC

 

[Sheffield_Tiger]

My first attempt at cycle maintenance at the age of 14 having bought a 2nd hand bike in a lethally dangerous condition...

The first thing that happened was that the "expander bolt" (rather than quill) stem twisted and handlebars came off on a dual carriageway. Survived that somehow.

Bought a new stem and duly carried out the replacement. Taking the handlebar grips and brake levers off never occured to me, I prised the steel stem open and put the bars in, in the same manner as a modern front loader. With all the chrome split and peeling.

Of course, it was the fault of the "silly design" rather than me being a grade A plonker


I learned fast on that bike though, as it gradually fell apart I had to put it back together, once rigging up 2 Sturmey Archer 3 speed levers to homebrew an emergency AW 5-speed shifting system to get me home from a cycle camping holiday

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

I suspect I'm not the only one who popped a wheelie as a child, only to see their front wheel rolling on down the road without them. Good way to learn about tightening bolts properly.

 

[Stonechat]

I suspect I'm not the only one who popped a wheelie as a child, only to see their front wheel rolling on down the road without them. Good way to learn about tightening bolts properly.

Was driving down the A30 once and a lad did a wheelie while crossing the road and bike and wheel parted company
Stopped ok and he sheepishly gathered bike and wheel in a hurry

 

[tyred]

I've been enjoying my old Batavus a lot lately and have put a lot of miles up on it. It has a step through/lady's frame.

So when I went out last night on one of my other bikes, I went to stop at the roadside to take a photo, went to step off the bike, having got used to the step through Batavus, I forgot about the top-tube, somehow caught my foot on it while stepping off and after brief fight, bike and me fell into the ditch with all the grace and beauty of a 25 stone Ballerina.

Thankfully, it was a quiet road so I don't think anyone seen it

 

[Di Di]

I offer a clipless fail from Monday night. After switching on my good light I noticed the beginnings of a spider web in my cables. Slowing down to look for the culprit but not quite stopping I unclipped my right foot to put it down. My bars lurched to the left. Timber.

Oh look. There's video. [NSFW - language]

"T*at"

PMSL

 

[Mark White]

You just reminded me of mine, at about the same age.

I'd been getting around on an Enfield racer for a year or two and loved it. I'd even saved up paper round money and upgraded the back wheel to an alloy one, with a racing cassette on! I was taken to stay with my grandparents down in Devon for a couple of weeks and the wheels had been taken off, and the rear derailleur loosened, to fit the bike in the car boot. So on the first day there I put it back together, and used my grandad's long handled ratchet to tighten everything up, including the tiny bolt that did something between the derailleur and the derailleur hanger. And watched as it fell apart like a piece of plasticine. Still, should be okay...

Went out for a ride round the block, which included a decently steep hill, so I got out of the saddle and powered up it, to hear an awful noise come from the back of the bike as it ground to a halt. So the plasticine bolt was there to stop the derailleur from falling into the spokes, and this is exactly what it did without the bolt.

I took the back wheel to a repair shop who said it was beyond help. Can't remember what happened next, but seem to recall riding out to my uncle's farm at some point during the holiday (to help build a swimming pool, have a couple of pints with the men at the end of the day, then vomit moussaka all over the kitchen sink after drinking too much on an empty stomach, but that's a different sort of twonkiness altogether) so maybe my grandparents shelled out for a new back wheel for me, bless them

Sadly, my mechanical sympathy has not improved with age and I still scuttle off to the LBS or garage whenever any vehicle needs fettling.