Comedic victims of crime

[Amanda P]

Some toerag broke the fuel cap off Mrs Uncle Phil's Mini (real Mini you understand, not one of those BMW abominations) on Friday night and siphoned out all the petrol. They also screwdrivered the boot lid handle, but apparently failed to open it.

The boot, containing a full can of petrol, was unlocked all the time.

 

[Fnaar]

I once had all my "paperwork" pinched...passport, bank statements, insurance docs, payslips etc etc, which had all been in one place...nothing else went, telly, etc. Was a bloomin' nightmare for ages afterwards, when you needed proof of ID etc. This was 18 yrs or so ago, so ID theft wasn't an issue then. I lived in London at the time. 6 months later, phone call from police to say they'd arrested someone in Liverpool, trying to sell my passport in a pub...never heard the outcome though.... weird!

 

[Kirstie]

We had our car broken into in Nottingham earlier this year - one of three in the same area. My husband got back into the car, didn't notice the lock had bust, and also didn't notice the almighty mess on the back seat, as the thieves had gone through the boot. Someone had to point out that the car had been done. Makes me wonder what he thinks is a normal state for something to be left in (no actually it doesn't, he's a messy sod). Anyway, the thieves had to rifle through a box of stinky body armour and didn't find anything to steal...

 

[andy_wrx]

The guy who used to sit next to me at work had his Fiesta stolen from the work carpark.
I happened to be looking out of the window and said to him 'your car's just driven out of the carpark'
'No, can't have'
We looked out of the other window, he could see the space, err where it wasn't any more.
So he went outside to check (this puzzled me at the time and still does...)And then reported it to the police.

The following day he had a call from the police to say they'd found it, on a rough estate in Hulme (area of Manchester a bit like Beirut or Sarajevo)
He asked which police pound to go and get it from, but was told it was on the estate in Hulme - apparently they's simply found it there and told him, but they weren't going to bother towing it into the pound, dusting for fingerprints or anything : it was simply up to him to go and get it back.

He got a taxi home to get the spare key, then off to Hulme.
Only to find it had no wheels, no alternator, no wipers - seemed like the local residents were stripping it for spares.
So he called the RAC and had a very nervous hour waiting in this really dodgy area, getting looks and glares from all sorts of people, until the RAC arrived with a transporter to take what was left home...

 

[barq]

my mother in law's cat used to come home with stolen gloves etc. best stolen item was a peg bag, which mil still uses.

I used to live near a row of takeaways in Birmingham. My (then young) cat used to spend every night bringing back all the left over food he could find: burgers, slices of pizza, chips, and kebabs. Meanwhile he would steal my socks and other objects from the house (he especially liked taking decorative mini Christmas crackers off the tree) and run off with them.

When I moved house he started nicking stuff from a neighbour's vegetable patch. The one thing that really stands out was a huge runner bean which he carried around for about a week before it disintegrated.

 

[marinyork]

Some of these are not so funny but oh well.

In Halls at university some people borrowed a local bench, stole a temporary bus stop and set it up as a bus stop ontop of the bike shed next to halls.