ComedyPilot
Secret Lemonade Drinker
- Location
- The Kingdom of Yorkshire
The Clem I know is in the RAF
Best p1ss take you ever made
- Thread starter gbb
- Start date
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Alan Biles
Senior Member
- Location
- Salisbury, England
I once managed to convince my sis-in-law that Stonehenge was made from plastic because so many pieces had been chipped off the stones by tourists. I told her that this was why there was a path around the stones and you couldn't get up close to them any more. She eventually twigged when I tried to convince her that before installing plastic stones, the authorities had tried inflatable stones but they kept blowing away.
She is Canadian so it was a bit unfair really. My kids thought it was funny though.
She is Canadian so it was a bit unfair really. My kids thought it was funny though.
Phone calls to friendly prop. of local cafe and sarnie shop in various heavily accented voices all day long and all asking if "Alphonse" was there."
By the late afternoon you could tell he was getting sick and tired of all these calls.
Cue last phone call :
"Hey isa Alphonse 'ere asa been any calls fora me eh?"
Ape shoot was what he went.
I wonder what his customers thought of him effing and blinding down the phone like that?
We let him know it was us the following day and bit by bit he got his own back.
By the late afternoon you could tell he was getting sick and tired of all these calls.
Cue last phone call :
"Hey isa Alphonse 'ere asa been any calls fora me eh?"
Ape shoot was what he went.
I wonder what his customers thought of him effing and blinding down the phone like that?
We let him know it was us the following day and bit by bit he got his own back.
thomas
the tank engine
- Location
- Woking/Norwich
When I worked in a shop every so often we'd have credit cards left. We'd phone up security and tell them the name so that the person could come claim the card...if they didn't come after a little bit we'd have to phone the bank and the card would of been cancelled.
One, slow Sunday when we were a little bored we phoned up claiming someone had left their card for a "Mr Ness. Yeah..Initial is P". 5 minutes later, across the entire shopping centre - "Hello. Will a Mr P-Ness please return to .... I repeat, Will a Mr P-Ness please return to ...."
The chap didn't realise, until we told his boss who found it hilarious and explained it to him. From that day on someone from the security team had to personally check the cards details
One, slow Sunday when we were a little bored we phoned up claiming someone had left their card for a "Mr Ness. Yeah..Initial is P". 5 minutes later, across the entire shopping centre - "Hello. Will a Mr P-Ness please return to .... I repeat, Will a Mr P-Ness please return to ...."
The chap didn't realise, until we told his boss who found it hilarious and explained it to him. From that day on someone from the security team had to personally check the cards details
Night Train
Maker of Things
- Location
- Greater Manchester
On a visit to a city farm once I told a woman that the saddle back pigs she was looking at were geneticlly engineered. The broad black strip over their shoulders was the start of the bar code for bacon and they had to selectively breed from the ones with thinner strips. Had her going for quite a while.
Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
Night Train said:
That is absolute genius!
When I worked at Iceland, I think it was common to ask new stock assistants to mop the cold store floor (whereupon, the mop stuck to the floor, frozen). I do remember though, on time we were having a massive spring clean and the manager asked a lad to go and buy some sugar soap, and the lad refused to believe such a thing existed.
Blackandblue
New Member
- Location
- London
This doesn't really count as I didn't do it but they are quite funny.
http://www.geek-to-go.com/Airport.html
http://www.geek-to-go.com/Airport.html
ACS
Legendary Member
- Location
- Just below the snow line
ComedyPilot said:
Which trade and I will tell you if you are close?
Globalti
Legendary Member
I once telephoned a pal and in a Glaswegian accent told him to get the cash ready as we had the photos for him. I kept it up in a fairly abusive way for 15 minutes and could tell he was half convinced. Put the phone down and 10 minutes later heard a screech of tyres as he arrived outside my house in his mum's car, looking shaken and demanding to know if it had been me on the phone. This was in the days before 1 4 7 1 of course!
PpPete
Legendary Member
- Location
- Chandler's Ford
Used to work for a comapny that sold metal tubes. Mostly these would be to an ASTM (American) standard. A few were to British Standard.
99% of the requests were for standards we stocked, but for the unusual ones we would always try to source them from manufacturers. First step was always to check the ASTM or BS catalog to understand what sort of metal it might be and therefore which manufacturer(s) to approach.
Cue arrival of sharp young salesman, allocated one of our best accounts. Buyer at said account was always up for a laugh - and was primed to phone up one day and ask for tubing to BS3704.
Young salesman finds British Standards catalog is missing and starts phoning around to find out about this "new" spec. Half an hour later buyer phones again to chase for answers, and to advise that he needs it to be "ultrasonically tested" and "specially lubricated".
By now salesman is frantic - top account, and he can find out nothing about BS3704, let alone having it ultrasonically tested or specially lubricated.
Finally he calls another branch as our catalog still "missing"
Innocent voice at other end "Er, are you sure you have that BS number right? It's a spec for condoms"
.
99% of the requests were for standards we stocked, but for the unusual ones we would always try to source them from manufacturers. First step was always to check the ASTM or BS catalog to understand what sort of metal it might be and therefore which manufacturer(s) to approach.
Cue arrival of sharp young salesman, allocated one of our best accounts. Buyer at said account was always up for a laugh - and was primed to phone up one day and ask for tubing to BS3704.
Young salesman finds British Standards catalog is missing and starts phoning around to find out about this "new" spec. Half an hour later buyer phones again to chase for answers, and to advise that he needs it to be "ultrasonically tested" and "specially lubricated".
By now salesman is frantic - top account, and he can find out nothing about BS3704, let alone having it ultrasonically tested or specially lubricated.
Finally he calls another branch as our catalog still "missing"
Innocent voice at other end "Er, are you sure you have that BS number right? It's a spec for condoms"
.
