Best p1ss take you ever made

[gbb]

Just remembered this one today ( dont know why it just came to me)
My last job was an engineering buyer with lots of supplier contact...some you got on really well with and had a laugh...they didnt see this coming

So, i rang this hydraulics company up..

'hello mate...i got this valve in front of me, theres no manufacturer on it, just some numbers'
'No problem, give us the numbers, i'll see what i can find'
'It reads...BO...440...i assume thats the voltage...then CK5'
'Dont recognise it...leave it with me, ii'll see what i can do'
'Cheers mate...give us a ring when you do'

Put those numbers together, and you end up with BO440CKS
(better if you write your number fours without joining the top angles, if you know what i mean)

Almost a week later, i got a call....'you self-gratification artist '...'i've spent all week trying to track that down'...i was just looking at it and it suddenly dawned on me what you've done '

Any offers ?

 

[Night Train]

We still send construction students off for a long stand and left handed screwdrivers.

 

[longers]

We sent our apprentice for a new bubble for the spirit level but he got confused and left the shop without it.

 

[ACS]

set of fallopian tubes

 

[dudi]

I spent a week pretending to be a Jamaican man named Denton Christchurch, phoning the finance office at a very large car supermarket in west london, trying to get them to give me a firm offer on a part exchange for a 1957 Buik convertible.

they never realised it was me, but it was only for my amusement anyway.

 

[Deleted member 1258]

set of fallopian tubes

We got one of the medical assistants with that one, at the royal navy hospital Haslar in the late sixties. He was a bit annoyed when he got back to the ward, he was only a young lad, about eighteen. We thought it was funny .

 

[ACS]

Sorry but an RAF wheeze. We had a large water type tower in the middle of hanger complex and we told one of the new lads that ATC had requested a radar check. Handing him 2 dustbin lids he was told to drive down the water tower, climb to the top and wave the bin lids in the direction of Air Traffic. But before doing so he was to collect a hard hat from the chief techie in the hanger next to the tower.

Lad grabs the lids and asks how he will know whether the test had been successful, "Oh ATC will give you a shout on the radio!" However, ATC where not in on the wheeze. Poor soul had tired arms and large grin when he eventually realised he had been had.

Clem my friend if you read this, I am sorry and I also regret sending you out on an emergency call “to flood the runway as we had a sea plane being diverted in”. (Before anyone asks “is this not dangerous”? The airfield which was on a training camp was closed and it was late on a Saturday evening and nowhere for Clem to get the water from). But he did race away in his landrover...............................

 

[Mr Pig]

Over the years there have been too many good wind ups and practical jokes at work for me to recount. It was constant, and a pain in the backside to be honest. That's the problem with forums, it takes too soding long to type things out and you know that people won't bother reading massive posts anyway.

Like the guy with the bin lids :0)

 

[PaulB]

set of fallopian tubes

We got one of the staff nurses in the operating theatres where I spent my formative years with a cracker. We told her the consultant gynaecologist had a particularly big operating list and he'd asked us to get the senior nurse in charge, which was this staff nurse, to ring the ward sister and ask if the patients could be insuflated (have their abdominal space filled with gas so he could see around the area with a mini telescope) on the ward. She only fell for it and rang this ward sister to make the bizarre request. We were all strategically placed around the corner but within earshot of the phone she was using and when we emerged, tears rolling down our legs, she was double plus unpleased.

Mind you, another time I got a testicle in her mouth! It's true. I was sucking on a jelly fruit that a grateful patient had donated to us and she asked if she could have one. I'd been visited by a rep from a medical company who'd given me free sterile samples of prosthetic testicles for guys who didn't want to feel lop-sided after an orchidectomy and so I offered her one. She was sucking on it for ages saying, "this doesn't taste of anything at all." A beautiful girl she was but thick as the wall.

 

[jpembroke]

Sparks for the angle grinder, a jar of elbow grease, and soft rubber hammer for the glass tacks.

My Dad managed to convince my step mum that you could get gas powered televisions to take camping, and that trains have steering wheels.

 

[Milo]

When I was 16 I was working for a carpenter and nearly fell for the old trick. This anglegrinder needs a bad of sparks.

 

[jimbob]

AAAh, the skirting board ladder is the best one yet.

 

[ACS]

We once sent a somewhat conceited lad on a Military Underwater Fire Fighting (diving) course with the Navy. Even went to admin with his detachment paperwork, the female clerk wet her self laughing.

 

[ComedyPilot]

Clem my friend if you read this, I am sorry and I also regret sending you out on an emergency call “to flood the runway as we had a sea plane being diverted in”. (Before anyone asks “is this not dangerous”? The airfield which was on a training camp was closed and it was late on a Saturday evening and nowhere for Clem to get the water from). But he did race away in his landrover...............................

Is Clem a big bloke with glasses perhaps? Used to ride a motorbike, now married with a daughter living in Edinburgh?

 

[yenrod]

I once went for a long wait when I was a naive 16yr old.

Though I heared a good 'un on the radio the other day....

- a girl was watering a plastic plant for 3yrs till she left an office where she worked...

And she never worked it out.