Argument clinchers

[SamNichols]

"I know you are, you said you are, but what am I?" always worked at school. Would that still work?

 

[Melvil]

'Whatever'

 

[alecstilleyedye]

don't let me hinder your search for someone that gives a fuck

 

[rustychisel]

do obtuse persons use tubular arguments?

 

[Cycling Naturalist]

ah, so you were on the peter sutcliffe defence team then?

Most Judges are more interested in the Word of the Court of Appeal than the Word of God.

 

[Keith Oates]

I was once with two friends (man and wife) in a restuarant and things were not going well between them. We ordered some oysters and to try and make the conversation a little lighter I said the old chestnut of ' every oyster means one jump'. She replied you're right, Fred had six last year, on that I gave up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Mr Phoebus]

Argument clinchers or tubulars? I'm not fussed really.
The tubulars you can end on a lighter note.

 

[Kovu]

I had one before, one that I use quite regularly and is a terrible way to argue, not as good s the fire one, but still....

*end of long and techinical argument*

Me: Yeah well techinically ......

 

[stephec]

I was once with two friends (man and wife) in a restuarant and things were not going well between them. We ordered some oysters and to try and make the conversation a little lighter I said the old chestnut of ' every oyster means one jump'. She replied you're right, Fred had six last year, on that I gave up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's like Sid James in Carry On Up The Jungle when he's been forced to 'propogate' the tribe of amazonians. After a fortnight he's knackered and one of them brings him a tray of oysters, the conversation is something like this-

Sid: no, no more.

Woman: These oysters will help, they're a well known aphrodisiac.

Sid: Yeah I know, but I had twelve of them yesterday and only three worked!

 

[Dayvo]

Myself and Mrs T were once in a restaurant with a couple who were friends of ours.

She ended an argument with the showstopper "Well, that's the last B*** J** you get from me!!!"

This was said in a very loud voice and the entire restaurant went deathly quiet.

Did she swallow your pride, then?

 

[Big Bren]

On Saturday night;

Me: The problem with you is that you can't have a mature disagreement.

Mrs B: The problem with you is that you're a joey.

Bren

 

[postman]

What is the difference between Bonj and an egg.You can beat an egg but you cant beat Bonj.

 

[papercorn2000]

<fetches baseball bat> I'm willing to give it a shot.

 

[Arch]

Not quite an argument, but a remark that deflated an ego nicely...

When my friend Tom and I first shared a University flat, one of our flatmates was a pagan priestess from Somerset. One day, as the three of us sat on her bedroom floor, drinking tea and chatting, Tom peered under her bed and said “Is that a stick under there?”

“No”, she said, mysteriously.

“Oh, no,” said Tom, “don’t tell me it’s a wand?”

“It will be,” she replied, “I found it in the park, and I’m going to take it home to this guy I know and get it stripped and stained and polished. They’re very expensive to buy, you know, to get a nice one.”

“Well, yes”, said Tom, after a pause. “After all, they don’t grow on trees, do they…”

He spent the rest of the term in fear of being turned into a frog....

 

[barq]

Two for you:

I had a friend (well ex really) who got so angry with me in an argument that whilst waving his arms around to express his annoyance dislocated his own shoulder.

Lastly, an argument with my brother about where a particular street was in relation to Aston University in Birmingham. We kept going round in circles with him continually telling me that the street in question was nowhere near all the landmarks I was describing. After about five minutes I went for what I thought would be the clincher, "But Martin my house is on that road. That's where I live." A lesser man would have conceded defeat, not my big bro' - he just carried on arguing!