Are you happy?

[BigonaBianchi]

When my son was born he had to stay in intensive care for a while, I remember holding him for the first time, I think that is the only time I have experienced complete happiness.

But I suppose it's about what you define happiness as...some people are happy when their team wins a game, when the dog plays with them, when they get a birtday present....all of which make me feel good temporarily but that to me is not happiness.

In fact thinking about it I reckon what i experienced in the IC unit was more relief probably.

I also think it'sabout where you set your expectations, or where others set their expectations of you to be more precise. When the high jump bar is set so high for you it's tough to smile when you just keep missing it but others arnt.

Feeling good isnt the same as accepting who you are/whatyou have/what you can achieve. I get wild mood fluctuations...exhileration (imagine that Christmas morning feeling as a child and x100) for no apparent reason....then it all falls down to despair again for no apparent reason....perhps happiness is to be found on a more level playing field?

 

[BigonaBianchi]

Has anybody ever seen this:



It goes a good way to understaning happiness I feel

 

[marinyork]

Yup. It is interesting BigonaBianchi, the problem I have with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs is where it is used by politicians and political scientists.

 

[col]

This is an interesting thread,it seems we all have ups and downs and the worst of the downs can be made that way when you feel your on your own with that feeling,well going on this thread it seems we all have similar patterns?I guess happiness is what you make of it,some get it from religion,which incidentally is how i got it years ago,in a sort of seasonal way ie christmas as a youngster was full of happiness and all the religeous things that went with it made it more so,even now i love the christmas scene of the manger and all that goes with it,but iv grown very pessimistic in my outlook on life,which isnt good for feeling happy,and it seems it is what you make of it,Its more difficult than i thought to say im happy ,but at home with my family i am,other things im not,even with my own relationships with parent brother sister,so after reading this thread its become apparent that we are all not as happy as we would like to be with one reason or another,more thought is needed for me to come to an answer,but its not as simple as that is it?I suppose the cop out answer could be thats life?

 

[beanzontoast]

I suppose the secret is to try to avoid those things that make you unhappy, or at least modify them or otherwise balance them out as much as posssible so that there is a counter-acting positive experience to offset the ones that cause unhappiness.

Easier said than done though. Our gas and electric standing order shot through the roof yesterday. Not sure how to balance that one out!

 

[col]

You can be happy then it only takes something like that to knock you,mmm i wonder if we are meant to be happy all the time,it seems not?

 

[Kovu]

Im ususally a very happy person. Rarely down, or if I am, its only for brief moment and then Im happy and bouncy again.

 

[beanzontoast]

You can be happy then it only takes something like that to knock you,mmm i wonder if we are meant to be happy all the time,it seems not?

And then there are those experiences that have the potential to do both - make you happy and unhappy. For me, this would be like buying a lottery ticket: the thought of winning a fortune followed by the - in my case - disappointment of not winning and having wasted £1.

Which explains why I never buy lottery tickets - rather not set myself up for the fall!

 

[mickle]

I think we all have our own individual happiness level which was programmed into us as kids. Live events only have a short term up or down effect before we revert tothe level of happiness we are comfortable with.

Witness Lottery winners once the initial euphoria has worn off or cancer sufferers once the initial shock has worn off.

I think efforts to make oneself 'happier' have to address this default level.

 

[yello]

The ups and downs are part of it. We couldn't appreciate happiness without a contrast. I mean, if you were happy all of the time would you know it?

Rather than think of natural or default levels, I think you have to take a kind of particle theory approach to you own self. You are not a static entity. There are myriads of interactions and influences every nano-second of your every moment - external and internal factors; interactions with your neighbour, the forum, body chemistry changes from that cup of coffee. We're not static at all, we're in a constant state of flux. You can take a freeze-frame, a snapshot of an instant in your existence but this isn't the complete picture... because you are not frozen in time, you are something whose very existence is defined by movement and change. You will probably never be the same as that snapshot ever again - you can't be the same person twice.

I reckon any mood is not a single point, or freeze frame, but a zone or an area. You drift in and around and out of these areas constantly. Equally, I don't think there's a particular balance of particular factors that take you to a zone - any number of combinations of the multitude of factors put you somewhere. I reckon you can control some but not most.

True happiness is, as someone earlier said, is acceptance. Acceptance of yourself as a dynamic (and I mean changing rather than powerful!) individual. You go with the flows. Happiness is being miserable sometimes!

 

[col]

The ups and downs are part of it. We couldn't appreciate happiness without a contrast. I mean, if you were happy all of the time would you know it?

Rather than think of natural or default levels, I think you have to take a kind of particle theory approach to you own self. You are not a static entity. There are myriads of interactions and influences every nano-second of your every moment - external and internal factors; interactions with your neighbour, the forum, body chemistry changes from that cup of coffee. We're not static at all, we're in a constant state of flux. You can take a freeze-frame, a snapshot of an instant in your existence but this isn't the complete picture... because you are not frozen in time, you are something whose very existence is defined by movement and change. You will probably never be the same as that snapshot ever again - you can't be the same person twice.

I reckon any mood is not a single point, or freeze frame, but a zone or an area. You drift in and around and out of these areas constantly. Equally, I don't think there's a particular balance of particular factors that take you to a zone - any number of combinations of the multitude of factors put you somewhere. I reckon you can control some but not most.

True happiness is, as someone earlier said, is acceptance. Acceptance of yourself as a dynamic (and I mean changing rather than powerful!) individual. You go with the flows. Happiness is being miserable sometimes!

Are you trying to say something there?Actually i think iv understood,i think?

 

[beanzontoast]

The ups and downs are part of it. We couldn't appreciate happiness without a contrast. I mean, if you were happy all of the time would you know it?

Rather than think of natural or default levels, I think you have to take a kind of particle theory approach to you own self. You are not a static entity. There are myriads of interactions and influences every nano-second of your every moment - external and internal factors; interactions with your neighbour, the forum, body chemistry changes from that cup of coffee. We're not static at all, we're in a constant state of flux. You can take a freeze-frame, a snapshot of an instant in your existence but this isn't the complete picture... because you are not frozen in time, you are something whose very existence is defined by movement and change. You will probably never be the same as that snapshot ever again - you can't be the same person twice.

I reckon any mood is not a single point, or freeze frame, but a zone or an area. You drift in and around and out of these areas constantly. Equally, I don't think there's a particular balance of particular factors that take you to a zone - any number of combinations of the multitude of factors put you somewhere. I reckon you can control some but not most.

True happiness is, as someone earlier said, is acceptance. Acceptance of yourself as a dynamic (and I mean changing rather than powerful!) individual. You go with the flows. Happiness is being miserable sometimes!

This is in line with my own thinking. Each night when we sleep, the person that we were is effectively 'gone'. Each morning when we awake, though the essence of our identity is preserved, we only really have the memory of what that person was. We are, in effect, a new entity.

If we were happy the day before, we have the echo of that happiness. And unfortunately, if we were unhappy, the same applies.

Taken further, is it possible that we 'reinvent' ourselves during the day? That the person we are in the morning is nothing more than a memory by the afternoon?

 

[peanut]

happiness is transitory. life's circumstances change from day to day, from moment to moment.

Happy -unhappy its a never ending emotional roller-coaster ,two sides of an ever changing coin.

Happiness is definitely not where its at .

Surely there has to be something more permanant and less subject to continual flux.Something that isn't dependant on wealth,material possesions , status,self fullfillment and all the rest of the silly nonsense

 

[Greedo]

Yes. Life is too short for me not to be.

I have had lots of stuff over the years that could have gotten the better of me, but I wouldn't let it beat me. NO CHANCE!!!

My wife also for example lost both her parents when she was 17 within the space of 2 months. She has a sister 17 years older than her so she was effectively an only child. What an inspiration she is and her attitude to life. She could have been some bitter twisted individual but she's not. She misses them daily but doesn't let it effect her life.

I have the attitude now and have done since I was a teenager that there is always someone worse off and life throws some shoot at us. I just deal with it.

Am I a pain in the arse cheery in your face type. No!
Am I a man who is content with who I am and what I do and how I treat people. Yes, very much so.

I get up evey single day without fail and have the attitude something brilliant is going to happen today.

I learn something new every day, I love my wife in particular and friends and family more and more every day. I vow to do the right thing every day and treat people with respect and that's pretty much it.

This in turn which while I get pissed off and angry at certain things leaves me very much contented which I believe makes me a happy individual.

 

[summerdays]

I would say I am generally happy - one of my children I think is going to find adulthood hard - she is very up and down. She blames everything/everyone when things go wrong/don't go to plan (on an hourly basis). Meanwhile after a moment of annoyed/regret etc I usually start trying to work out the new plan or see an advantage in the change.

There is very little I would change in my past - as it is what I am.