Are you gay?

[Fnaar]

I've been "chatted up" by blokes a few times in the past (incl one outrageous Yank who offered me a bj within a minute of starting a conversation). Kind of flattering, but I'm simply not interested in doing anything fruity with a bloke. Simple as that for me, really...each to their own and all that.

 

[yenrod]

Im soo thick re: 'social codes' that i was out with friends once and a girl faily attractive was spying me all night but thickhead me was so far out of it with a combo of beer/friends and convo tha tI just didnt twig on ! - I was a right jerk that night...

Funny how you never forgive yourself for them kind of things esp. when it matters !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I regularly get thought of as such (seriously), but no I am not. On Friday night I had a middle-aged gay guy blowing kisses at me across a crowded bar: I think it's because our eyes met at some point earlier, and he took that as a come-on (but, as documented, I have no idea of social codes and all that stuff, so any lead on was unintentional). So, no I am not, but people seem to think I am. Perhaps I should wear less pink or something.

 

[yenrod]

A very good mate from school once 'left school propositioned me: things werent the same thereafter !

Now, last i know, hes legally married to a man !

 

[punkypossum]

Hmmm...Got a presentation and an essay to do on sexuality - wonder if the cycle chat poll results count as research!

 

[Fnaar]

Hmmm...Got a presentation and an essay to do on sexuality - wonder if the cycle chat poll results count as research!

Of course...claim it as your own primary research....

 

[Chris James]

No, I'm not gay, but in my younger days maybe I did look a bit gay because I got chatted up a few times which didn't really offend me, but i thought it was a bit strange. I do have a couple of really good friends who are gay though.

Maybe you were just good looking?

I had blokes crack on to me too. I suppose it was because I was interested in clothes and kept myself reasonably trim. Or maybe I didn't look like I would assault them if they chatted to me?!

I find the comment above, that someone might be slightly gay because they can recognise which men are good looking, a bit strange. I suppose because I can appreciate that a bloke is nice looking without wanting to get off with them. Appeciating beauty is a different thing to sexual desires. I have an ex school friend who is gay and I used to sometimes go to gay bars with him in Chester where we both lived and to be honest I thought 'gay culture' very naff and was a bit perplexed why my ex Oxford Uni educated mate who normally discussed politics with me down the boozer and used to edit the student music newspaper was suddenly expected to be dancing to Kylie.

 

[fairy]

maybe I am a gay man in a womans body. I like glitter, sequins and dancing to kylie....but I fancy men???

 

[Cycling Naturalist]

I thought 'gay culture' very naff

From what I've seen of gay men, there is very considerable variation (just as there is with heterosexuals) and they must feel irritated at the way people attempt to pigeonhole them, as if they were all the same.

 

[Aperitif]

What's 'pigeonholing' Patrick? Sounds like a variation

 

[Blue]

About 35-40 years ago I was hit on by gays on 2 different occasions. In each case the people concerned were overtly gay and I stared at them because their behaviour seemed unusual in those days - and I have to admit I was a bit scared when they approached me as I am not remotely gay. Over the years my attitude matured and I stopped caring about anyones sexual orientation.

My age is now a protective barrier to being hit on by either sex - I don't know whether I should be sad or glad

 

[Chris James]

From what I've seen of gay men, there is very considerable variation (just as there is with heterosexuals) and they must feel irritated at the way people attempt to pigeonhole them, as if they were all the same.

I agree, which made me wonder why, when I went to the gay bar with my mate, pretty much all the locals dressed the same way and appeared to like the same music.

That was why I put 'gay culture' in inverted commas. In fact my mate was the exact opposite of the flamboyant camp stereotype that was prevalent in the bar, being a rather moody student activist type.

Mind you, I suppose you go where you hope to cop off. I have spent many a night in bars stacked full of aggressive drunk, probably straight, loudmouths, so merely attending a pub doesn't mean that the other people there defines you.

Having said that there does seem to be a homogeneity in gay images presented to the population - figures like Graham Norton, Julian Clary, Dale Winton, Alan Carr - all pretty camp.

 

[Chris James]

From what I've seen of gay men, there is very considerable variation (just as there is with heterosexuals) and they must feel irritated at the way people attempt to pigeonhole them, as if they were all the same.

I don't think I made myself very clear, so will put it another way.

I agree strongly that people should not be pigeonholed. So I find it strange (and slightly disappointing) when they appear to pigeon hole themselves.

Personally I don't give a monkey's who anyone else finds attractive, or indeed how they behave with their friends. One of the advantages of being happily married is that I now have an excuse to give in to my misanthrpoic urges and can stay at home with my family on Saturday nights.

 

[Tim Bennet.]

Having said that there does seem to be a homogeneity in gay images presented to the population - figures like Graham Norton, Julian Clary, Dale Winton, Alan Carr - all pretty camp.

I'm not sure this is because homosexuality is only presented in this particular way, but rather because their behaviour is instantly associated with their sexuality.

Alternatively, the way Ian McKellen, Paul Gambaccini, Stephen Fry, Matthew Parris and Sandi Toksvig (etc) behave doesn't instantly trigger the same response. But they are all in the public eye and make no bones about their sexuality.

 

[Joe24]

Nope, not gay.

My grandma once said, " oh its a gay day today." Made me smile.

 

[barq]

Mind you, I suppose you go where you hope to cop off. I have spent many a night in bars stacked full of aggressive drunk, probably straight, loudmouths, so merely attending a pub doesn't mean that the other people there defines you.

I often pass as straight unless I start dropping hints to people. It doesn't normally matter, but there have been many times I've deliberately acted a bit camp in order to implicitly suggest my sexuality (e.g. if a woman seems sexually interested in me). Sometimes I need to be more direct with people, but it can embarrass them so subtler clues are often better. Of course it also a code for other gay (or bi) men to pick up on and that can have its benefits.

You've hit an interesting point about straight pubs and a very exaggerated form of masculinity, which is often quite 'artificial' (or at the very least alcohol induced). A lot of gay bars mark themselves out as being distinctive and different by consciously going the opposite way. But I don't believe gay men are naturally camp, more feminised or more prone to liking Kylie.