Dear Sir,
I am a concert pianist. I number the Hammerklavier, Islamey, Gaspard de la Nuit, many others too, in my repertoire. It so happens my concert grand is urgently in need of re-stringing. Alas! all the piano wire in the country, so both Herr Steinway and Herr Bosendorfer affirm to me, has been snapped up by a group of utter musical illiterates, buffoons, people who cannot even tell their Ravel from their Ravioli, it appears they come into the shop muttering words like "Lykra" and "Lukozade" under their breath, and buy the entire stock! Now how am I going to get my pianoforte repaired so that I can practice? If this goes on I shall play a wrong note in my next performance Rachmaninov 3! Please help me!