gbspark
New Member
- Location
- chingford london
@(..)@ any jokes ?????????
- Thread starter gbspark
- Start date
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Night Train
Maker of Things
- Location
- Greater Manchester
A piece of red tarmac and a piece of black tarmac were having a drink in the pub and chatting with the barman.
A piece of green tarmac bursts through the door knocking over other drinkers and storms up to the bar demanding a f**king drink.
The barman was about to shout at the green tarmac and bar him when the black tarmac said: 'I would just leave it and serve him what he wants on the house if I were you.'.
'Why should I do that?' said the barman.
'See that green tarmac,' replied the red tarmac 'he's a cyclepath!'
A piece of green tarmac bursts through the door knocking over other drinkers and storms up to the bar demanding a f**king drink.
The barman was about to shout at the green tarmac and bar him when the black tarmac said: 'I would just leave it and serve him what he wants on the house if I were you.'.
'Why should I do that?' said the barman.
'See that green tarmac,' replied the red tarmac 'he's a cyclepath!'
Fnaar
Smutmaster General
- Location
- Thumberland
A fruit pastille and a tutti futti were having a drink in the pub and chatting with the barman.
A polo mint bursts through the door knocking over other drinkers and storms up to the bar demanding a f**king drink.
The barman was about to shout at the polo mint and bar him when the fruit pastille said: 'I would just leave it and serve him what he wants on the house if I were you.'.
'Why should I do that?' said the barman.
'See that polo mint,' replied the fruit pastille, he's f^kcin' menthol!
A polo mint bursts through the door knocking over other drinkers and storms up to the bar demanding a f**king drink.
The barman was about to shout at the polo mint and bar him when the fruit pastille said: 'I would just leave it and serve him what he wants on the house if I were you.'.
'Why should I do that?' said the barman.
'See that polo mint,' replied the fruit pastille, he's f^kcin' menthol!
- Location
- The TerrorVortex
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
None - because feminism's NOT A LAUGHING MATTER!!!
How many blues singers does it take to change a light bulb?
4 - one to change it, 3 to sing about how good the old one used to be...
How many computer programers does it take...?
None. Programmers won't touch a hardware problem.
How many IT helpdesk staff does it take...?
'Well, <tappety> I can't remote in. Can you turn the light off and back on please? The light's fine at our end, you must have a hardware fault there. I'll get Desktops to come and take a look.'
Shall I stop now?
None - because feminism's NOT A LAUGHING MATTER!!!
How many blues singers does it take to change a light bulb?
4 - one to change it, 3 to sing about how good the old one used to be...
How many computer programers does it take...?
None. Programmers won't touch a hardware problem.
How many IT helpdesk staff does it take...?
'Well, <tappety> I can't remote in. Can you turn the light off and back on please? The light's fine at our end, you must have a hardware fault there. I'll get Desktops to come and take a look.'
Shall I stop now?
Fnaar
Smutmaster General
- Location
- Thumberland
Alternative punchline:TheDoctor said:
Three:
One to change the bulb, and two to discuss the passive role of the socket.
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
Sorry girls, but it's gotta be done 
Two monkeys and a woman aboard a space ship.
'Control to Monkey 1'...' Initiate start sequence, select co-ordinates'
'Control to Monkey 2'...' Increase Flux Accelerators, check all navigation systems'
'Control to woman'.......' Feed the monkeys...and dont touch a f*cking thing'
Two monkeys and a woman aboard a space ship.
'Control to Monkey 1'...' Initiate start sequence, select co-ordinates'
'Control to Monkey 2'...' Increase Flux Accelerators, check all navigation systems'
'Control to woman'.......' Feed the monkeys...and dont touch a f*cking thing'
Gerry Attrick
Lincolnshire Mountain Rescue Consultant
A guy is sitting in an art gallery looking at a picture showing three black men sitting naked on a bench. The man in the middle has a white penis. As he sits pondering the clearly exotic symbolism, three blokes wander up near him and two of them are discussing the painting. "Well this is a wonderful composition expressing the eternal struggle between black and white races", says one. "Well I agree that the juxtaposition of the the black men and a single white penis is a fascinating statement, but surely the masterpiece is conveying the modern view of harmony between mixed race partnerships". Finally the third man speaks and says "You're both wrong". "And how are you so sure?" asked the first speaker. "Because I painted it" he replied. "You lot are so dopey, there is no hidden meaning. These guys are all white coal miners and they are about to go back down the mine. The guy in the middle went home for lunch".
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
Duck walks into a bar...
'Got any bread ?'
'No' says the barman...'we sell beer, not bread'
Next day, the ducks walks back into the bar..
'Got any bread ?'
'I told you yesterday..we sell beer, not bread'
Next day, the ducks walks back into the bar..
'Got any bread ?'
'Next time you ask that...i'll nail your beak to that bar'
Next day, the ducks walks back into the bar..
'Got any nails ?'
'No....i havnt got any fkin nails'...said the barman
'Got any bread then?'...said the duck
'Got any bread ?'
'No' says the barman...'we sell beer, not bread'
Next day, the ducks walks back into the bar..
'Got any bread ?'
'I told you yesterday
..we sell beer, not bread'Next day, the ducks walks back into the bar..
'Got any bread ?'
'Next time you ask that...i'll nail your beak to that bar'Next day, the ducks walks back into the bar..
'Got any nails ?'
'No....i havnt got any fkin nails'...said the barman'Got any bread then?
'...said the duck
Keith Oates
Janner
- Location
- Penarth, Wales
yello said:
That's what drink does to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
