Any good jokes ... ?

[PaulB]

Two pebbles on a beach. One asks the other, "Are you married?" She replies, "No, I'm shingle."

 

[tyred]

Not a joke as such but it made me laugh.

 

[Cavalol]

𝘕𝘰𝘮 𝘥𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘶𝘮𝘦 is French for 'I'm going to eat this plum.'

 

[Cavalol]

My wife is a black belt in cooking.

One chop and you're dead.

 

[Cavalol]

At the annual 'Topple A German' championships, I won - Hans down.

 

[betty swollocks]

My neighbour keeps ringing his front doorbell, then running around the back and answering the door.
I don't think he knows what he's letting himself in for.

 

[betty swollocks]

At the library:-
"Good morning. Do you have any books on the history of pantomime?"
"They're behind you."

 

[betty swollocks]

In Moscow I thought I’d been stung by a secretive wasp.
Turned out to be a cagey bee

 

[PaulB]

Went to the doctors and he told me I needed a pacemaker. So now I've got this annoying Kenyan 2 yards in front of me everywhere I go.

 

[Cavalol]

Just bought a crowbar from eBay.

Complete waste of money, birds don’t drink alcohol.

 

[Profpointy]

At the library:-
"Good morning. Do you have any books on the history of pantomime?"
"They're behind you."

Oh no they're not !

 

[VelvetUnderpants]

 

[ClichéGuevara]

 

[Andy_R]

 

[mistyoptic]