Any good jokes ... ?

[Archie_tect]

R number: how fast the disease is spreading
Arrr number: how many pirates have it
Err-number: measures how confused ministers talking about guidelines are
Aargh number: how often you have to to watch yet more bloody Boris Johnson on TV

Urgh-number: having to endure Gove again.

 

[newfhouse]

Urgh-number: having to endure Gove again.

3 R‘s number - how many kids will bring it home from school.

 

[Archie_tect]

A chemist walks into the pharmacy to see a man leaning against the wall.
"What's wrong with him?"
The assistant said, "He wanted some cough medicine but we didn't have the stuff he wanted, so I sold him a bottle of laxative."
"You can't sell laxative instead of cough mixture!"
"Course you can, look at him, he's too scared to cough."

 

[Archie_tect]

Part 1: I already fire blanks..
Part 2: I have an extinguisher, and insurance..

Just don't turn your back on it Pete...

 

[Archie_tect]

Brought to you c/o The ACME Manufacturing Co. Inc.

 

[AndyRM]

I always thought Road Runner said 'meep meep'?

 

[betty swollocks]

The Beastie boys have released a five part anthology. Parts A to D are free to download.
But you've got to fight for your right to part E.

 

[NorthernDave]

What is the tallest dessert in France?




The Trifle Tower.

 

[Salty seadog]

My Beko tumble drier was made in Turkey and it's really good!

And they had their logo on the shirts of the mighty hornets and they are really good also. 🧐

 

[Dirk]

 

[PaulB]

When I was young, we were so poor, my mother would send us out with a button to knock on neighbours' doors. She was hoping they'd have a shirt to sew on to it.

 

[Beebo]

 

[Cavalol]

While out clearing up rubbish in the park today, I found a whatnot, a loo mop, and a lot of bamboo. I believe Litter Richard was responsible.

 

[Cavalol]

I met Kid Creole and the Coconuts once. Lovely bunch.

 

[Cavalol]

My mate just asked me to sing any line from ‘Don’t Go Breaking My Heart.’ I couldn’t if I tried.