Any good jokes ... ?

[Cavalol]

My wife said she'd only slept with 3 people before we met.



I wouldn't mind, but I was only 20 minutes late.

 

[Cavalol]

There was an explosion early this morning at the pie shop.

3.14159265 dead.

 

[Salty seadog]

I'm going to start eating these range eggs you see. No idea what they taste like but you never have to pay for them.

 

[PaulB]

How many pedants does it take to change a lightbulb?


The correct term is 'replace', actually.

 

[Cavalol]

My friend is in hospital today after seriously burning incident, due to his obsession with taking photos of himself by a boiling kettle.

The doctors believe he has serious selfie steam issues.

 

[Lullabelle]

 

[Mr Celine]

According to Wikipedia the Moray Firth is a good place to see dolphins and porpoises.

I went for a walk along the cliffs at Cullen but [cetacean needed].

 

[Maverick Goose]

An actual article in last Saturday's Torygraph: " Does your dog need a fitness tracker?"

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[Cavalol]

Unbelievable, just unbelievable

Took two of my sons to the cinema earlier. Went to pay for my Pic n Mix - only to be told they don’t accept £50 notes. Had to give her two twenties and a tenner instead.

 

[roadrash]

I stopped at the motorway services, went in the shop and picked up a small bottle of coke , a bag of crisp and a mars bar, at the till I said to the cashier ….sorry I only have a twenty pound note, she said...…. that's ok you can put the crisp back

 

[PeteXXX]

What's brown and sounds like a bell?










DUNG.......

 

[Cavalol]

 

[burntoutbanger]

What's brown and sounds like a bell?










DUNG.......

What's brown and sticky?


A stick.

 

[PeteXXX]

What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?



A stick...