Am I unemployable?

[buggi]

here are 3 scenarios where i know people actually got the interview/job.

the first was a lady i worked with who had to complete an application form (she was a bit dim sometimes but i swear she was the funniest person i have EVER worked with and she would have the whole office in stitches). On the bit where you have to list your previous employers in reverse order she wrote it all backwards. when they asked her at the interview why she did that she said "oops, i thought it was an intelligence test!!!!" she got the job coz she had the panel in stitches.

my sister went for an interview and when they asked her why she wanted to work there she said "for the money" [long pause while the panel looked at her] and then she said "well, why else would i want a job, i don't come to work for my health?"

a friend of a friend attended an interview and when they asked him what he thought were his weaknesses he said "oh, i haven't got any". The panel looked at him and one of them said, "no, come on, be serious, you must have one?". Apparently he "pondered" for a moment and then said "Er... nope, can't think of a single one".

 

[Bigtallfatbloke]

Ah..I know this game..it's called corporate bullshit power trip

 

[walker]

Good grief, no. Freelance translator.

how many languages can you speak?

 

[Fnaar]

Just go in and do a Yosser Hughes..."I can do that, go on, gizza job, I can do that.."

 

[alecstilleyedye]

seen on a cv sat atop the office printer yesterday

Qualifications

GSCE

English literature
English language
Math's

if she's going to get a job here then i'm a dutchman

 

[Maz]

seen on a cv sat atop the office printer yesterday

Qualifications

GSCE

English literature
English language
Math's

if she's going to get a job here then i'm a dutchman

You mean she's overqualified?

 

[rich p]

Perhaps the apostrophe is to signify the missing -ematic!

Do you mind if I call you Joop?

 

[Yellow Fang]

Tell them you're a perfectionist. That always works.

 

[Haitch]

how many languages can you speak?

English just about and Dutch a bit less. It's not so much the language as specialisation that counts (finance/public administration/law in my case).

 

[alecstilleyedye]

Perhaps the apostrophe is to signify the missing -ematic!

Do you mind if I call you Joop?

no, maths is a contraction of mathematics, so the apostrophe is unnecessary as it would denote something missing, which there isn't.

so there, wim

 

[Smokin Joe]

A friend of mine got a job in insurance some years ago, and along with all the other new recruits she was sent on an induction course. During one classroom session they were all asked to stand up and answer the question, "If you were a fruit, which fruit would you like to be and why?"

I don't remember what she said, but I would have been very tempted to give a long and extremely graphic account of why I would like to be Emma Bunton's banana.

 

[postman]

Brill story in the paper yesterday.A lady from York no not our Arch.Consultant who guides people into work.Had a girl who had not worked for ten years.Was petrified of the interview.She wanted to fail she was better off on benefits.Sorry state of affairs.

 

[marinyork]

I've been asked to provide some pre-interview information. Now this may seem quite normal to you lot, but as I was in one job for a long time where common sense was expected - it seems like like total bollox to me.

A few of the qestions:

What are you looking for in the future and why?

What do I say to that? I'm looking for the meaning of life? Looking to find the origin of the Universe?

Where do you want to go?

Around the world by bike. Then I'd go the other way by a different route. I'd also like to do a world white water trip, kayaking the best rivers around the world.

What ambitions do you have?

See where do I want to go. Oh, and World peace.

Is there anything you would do differently in your life and why?

Lots, usually under the influence of alcohol. Coz the wife didn't speak to me for a few days at a time and we didn't have peace in the house never mind the world. I also felt like shoot the day after.

What factors encourage you to do well?

Describe any notable successes and achievements in your personal and private life you are particularly proud of and why?

Bloody hell.....

Ah yes HR interviews and the rather similar competency interviews, one of my least favourite things. Actually I had the last question in mine and certainly sympathise, wouldn't want to tell them anything like that so had to tell them another example that I did but not proud of. Near the end of the interview for my current job I kept on getting asked questions about the job and was getting fed up of it so when asked what do you think would happen if you continued to not get on with a member of staff over a prolongued period of time I said that one would always try to get on with them but I suppose both of us would get sent on some kind of team building exercise if the worst came to the worst, which the manager seemed to find amusing.

Very likely got this sort of thing in a month when I go for interview for the permanent version of my job.