Youth of Today and Gardening

[MacB]

More specifically my three sons(13,10 & 8) and the fact that I'm viewed as some sort of evil overseer for expecting some assistance in the garden. Today was time for the first cut of the year. Being my anal self that includes clearing drain trenches, gutters, weeds on driveway and basically getting it all tip top from the get go.

We had a lazy morning and then I announced that it was that time. The faces, the dismay, the anguish, were palpable. MacB1 is promoted to strimming this year, MacB2 is on mower duties and MacB3 is on drain and weed clearing. We had sullen resentment from No1, brimming eyes from No2 and heartfelt sobbing from No3. If I do the whole thing on my own, including getting stuff out, cleaning tools at the end and putting away, it takes me about 2 hours. With 3 assistants this time is stretched to 3 hours(this is an improvement on previous years) and I still reckon I do about 60% of the work. Only MacB1 stuck with it and did a really good job, he was rewarded with an unexpected £5. This caused further anguish for the other 2 as they claimed that was unfair.

Is it me, am I evil, is this a monstrous hardship I'm inflicting on them?

 

[Flying Dodo]

Not evil at all - sounds like the perfect introduction to the real world. Carry on.

 

[Radius]

Yes.

 

[rich p]

I was never into bullying or bribing my kids to be helpful - they just learnt to accept responsibility as they grew up. They're a long time grown up and freedom to do what they want on a Sunday in term time is not the end of the world.

 

[bonj2]

Yes, I think you're being fairly stuffy. Gardening is a hobby, really, not a chore. If you WANT to garden, then garden, but you shouldn't MAKE your kids help you. Especially horrible jobs like clearing out sludge from drains!
If you really want them to, then it should be the nice jobs, and get them to do it by imposing no obligation to do it but possibly a reward for doing it well.

 

[fossyant]

I have to stop my 7 year old from using power tools - will let him mow, but not strim. He likes the leaf blower/sucker though !

 

[montage]

I despise having to help in the garden now I am "an adult", but it helps keep my mum on her good side, which means I can get away with more in the evening/when I want to go out.

 

[dellzeqq]

My feeling is that children find this kind of thing a bit overwhelming, and either they do it with a good heart, and for the joy of being part of something, or they don't. I'm biased here - I was sent out to do the garden, and beaten when it wasn't good enough (it all sounds very Dickensian, doesn't it) so excuse the rather liberal perspective.

 

[MacB]

Folks, I'm no gardener, when we moved in I removed pond, borders, rockery, plants, and converted all to patio or grass. We're talking scoot over with flymo, strim edges and finish off with leaf sucker thing. Drains and stubborn weeds get tackled 3 times a year.

Bonj, you really need to write a guide to living, it would be a cracking read

 

[Willow]

Mine have their daily tasks (tidy room, clean their bathroom, empty dishwasher, clear and lay table - age 10 and 12 etc.) then if they want to earn some pocket money there is the opportunity to do so. But whatever they do there is no pocket money unless football boots are cleaned each week. I am out everyday of the week watching some sporting event, transporting them plus there are friends to tea etc. Given the amount of running around I do for them then some help around the house is expected. Yes I remember not liking it when I was asked to bring the washing in and such things but I see it as esential training for being a grown up no woman is going to thank me if my children are lazy around the home.

 

[Mr Pig]

I tend to parallel household chores etc with what they'll face in the real world. So if they don't do the homework or guitar practice they don't get on the Play Station etc. If they want a new game, bike or guitar they get 'Fine, better start saving then hadn't you?'. They get pocket money, money for Christmas etc and they need to plan and save to get the things they want.

They all accept this as normal now. We still buy them things obviously but they don't expect it. Give kids an easy ride and they'll be no use for anything when they're bigger. They need to learn the skills and behavior they'll need later in life.

What I would do if I were you is this. Next time you're gardening ask them if they want to help. If they say no then don't force them, just say 'That's ok, you don't need to if you don't want to'.

Then, when they say 'Could you run me over to my friend's house?' or whatever it is they want you to do for them, you say 'No, take the bus'. When they ask why, you say 'Why should I do things to help you when you have interest in helping me? Do you think that I wouldn't rather sit at home and watch TV than taxi you around? But I love you and want to help you. However, if you just want to be selfish all the time and not give a stuff about the rest of us then why should I?'.

And you need to mean it. If you just cave in after a week then you're wasting your time. You need to actually let them suffer for their poor behavior. They need to loose stuff, miss stuff and not get stuff. Words alone mean sod all if you don't back them up.

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Is Bonj Supernanny?

Actually MacBumble I think what you're doing is fine and a good example of a Victorian workhouse ethic - just don't feed them too much meat!

 

[Willow]

I tend to parallel household chores etc with what they'll face in the real world. So if they don't do the homework or guitar practice they don't get on the Play Station etc. If they want a new game, bike or guitar they get 'Fine, better start saving then hadn't you?'. They get pocket money, money for Christmas etc and they need to plan and save to get the things they want.

They all accept this as normal now. We still buy them things obviously but they don't expect it. Give kids an easy ride and they'll be no use for anything when they're bigger. They need to learn the skills and behavior they'll need later in life.

What I would do if I were you is this. Next time you're gardening ask them if they want to help. If they say no then don't force them, just say 'That's ok, you don't need to if you don't want to'.

Then, when they say 'Could you run me over to my friend's house?' or whatever it is they want you to do for them, you say 'No, take the bus'. When they ask why, you say 'Why should I do things to help you when you have interest in helping me? Do you think that I wouldn't rather sit at home and watch TV than taxi you around? But I love you and want to help you. However, if you just want to be selfish all the time and not give a stuff about the rest of us then why should I?'.

And you need to mean it. If you just cave in after a week then you're wasting your time. You need to actually let them suffer for their poor behavior. They need to loose stuff, miss stuff and not get stuff. Words alone mean sod all if you don't back them up.

excellent same sort of approach here.

DS1 wants to go paintballing next week has been invited by a friend so is rapidly having to earn to fill his money box. Easy - cycle to school instead of bus - gets to keep bus money, make sandwiches instead of having school lunch - gets to keep lunch money, clean footie boots - gets pocket money, find extra jobs to do like wash the car and hey presto we have paid our way.

 

[Mr Pig]

...find extra jobs to do like wash the car and hey presto we have paid our way.

Because you know that out in the big world they will have to. My eldest son often remarks about not having the money for this or that and I say 'Well if you want to have more money in your pocket you'd better figure out how to earn it'. He could weed people's gardens, wash cars but if he can't be bothered then he can just be poor. Better he learns now than later.

 

[jonesy]

More specifically my three sons(13,10 & 8) and the fact that I'm viewed as some sort of evil overseer for expecting some assistance in the garden. Today was time for the first cut of the year. Being my anal self that includes clearing drain trenches, gutters, weeds on driveway and basically getting it all tip top from the get go.

We had a lazy morning and then I announced that it was that time. The faces, the dismay, the anguish, were palpable. MacB1 is promoted to strimming this year, MacB2 is on mower duties and MacB3 is on drain and weed clearing. We had sullen resentment from No1, brimming eyes from No2 and heartfelt sobbing from No3. If I do the whole thing on my own, including getting stuff out, cleaning tools at the end and putting away, it takes me about 2 hours. With 3 assistants this time is stretched to 3 hours(this is an improvement on previous years) and I still reckon I do about 60% of the work. Only MacB1 stuck with it and did a really good job, he was rewarded with an unexpected £5. This caused further anguish for the other 2 as they claimed that was unfair.

Is it me, am I evil, is this a monstrous hardship I'm inflicting on them?

All that was missing was the orange jackets: